Am I wrong to feel this way?
Last week SD (27) was in a car accident. She has a $500 deductible on her insurance and is currently saving for her wedding next year. She paid rent last week and DH didn't deposit the check as of yet. The other day he told me he felt so bad about the accident and the money that he wanted to give her back her rent check. I just looked at him because . .first off she's not paying what he asked ($200 and she gives him $125). Secondly, I feel in the real world when you pay your rent or mortgage and you have a monetary emergency you deal with it.
I didn't say anything as of yet but I'm against it. I'm also thinking about depositing the check behind his back in our joint account 
. I've always felt that he's been too soft on her and this is no exception. Am I being to harsh? I understand it's normal to want to help your children, but someone tell me please . .if you're constantly providing a safety net, how do they learn life lessons? It's because of him that's she the horrid little creature that she is today . . . . and still living at home with us.
Opinions please. Thanks.
Why is a 27 year old living
Why is a 27 year old living at home? That would be a bigger issue for me.
I don't think that guilty
I don't think that guilty daddy should be giving back the check. BUT I don't think that you should deposit it behind his back either.
Thanks so much. I thought it
Thanks so much. I thought it was just me. I'm going to fight him on this one. It's time for her to stand on her own two feet. If she can't afford it, her fiance needs to step up, and I will tell DH the same.
I had to get on DH in the past about making her pay her own way and contributing something to the household. And the reason she's still living at home is because she's a coddled daddy's girl. All my friends think I deserve a "saint award" by tolerating it.
DH and I have never lived alone since getting married a few years ago. By the time she gets married and leave home next year, she'll be 28. And she's so dumb that she thinks she's supposed to stay home with daddy forever. One word . .pathetic.
Who in the hell wants to live
Who in the hell wants to live with "daddy" forever. What a psycho! Is she in big girl panties yet?! Geezus!
27? She's too old to be
27? She's too old to be learning life lessons. You can't teach an old dog new tricks...lol
If you're old enough to save for your wedding, you're old enough pay your rent and car deductible.
THE END.
She just recently started
She just recently started buying her own food. But she used to use our laundry detergent (I found her sneaking it out of the house because she claims our washer doesn't get her stuff clean) so now I hide certain things or she'll use them. Of course DH wasn't happy, but he's learned to keep his mouth shut . .especially when I'm buying the stuff. I've had to tell him "I'm not going to support your grown ass daughter."
She's too dumb to see that she is indeed behind. You are so right about her being too old to be learning life lessons. DH and her BM failed her miserably. Her poor fiance has no clue as to what's he's in for. I can't wait for him to relieve me of this burden . . and I've told DH - after she gets married, there's no coming back home. . . or I'm leaving.
DH agreed that she can't come
DH agreed that she can't come back (unless it's an emergency), but I don't believe him. . knowing he's a push over when it comes to her. All she has to do is call crying and he'll open up the doors again. So I'm preparing now by saving my money because I'm not dealing with it again. It's been hell and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
See, I moved out of my house
See, I moved out of my house at 22 and came back a couple of times for short periods. I was in college before that so I was rarely home, even on school breaks. HOWEVER, I always bought my own food, paid my own bills, took care of my own shit. If I didn't have my own place it was because I was in a little bit of a transition but I always figured it out and never stayed very long. I was lucky to have had a place I could always go to and I am grateful. Now, at 30, I cannot imagine living with my parents even though I love them dearly. I could not live at home right now if you paid me a billion dollars. I would rather be completely broke, living in a studio apartment eating Ramen noodles! That won't happen now, I mean of course I can support myself but I'm just saying. What concerns me in these cases is not so much that these adult children are living at home but it's that they have no DESIRE to move on with their lives and be on their own. That confuses the crap out of me. I wanted to be on my own at 16! I struggled to make things happen but at least I was trying and I NEVER asked my parents for money. If they offered it to me I tried everything not to take it because I wanted to earn it myself and feel accomplished. I don't get these adult losers who just don't feel like moving on with their lives. I absolutely cannot imagine stealing detergent from anyone, my parents in particular. I also cannot imagine my parents feeling sorry that I have a $500 deductible. My dad would say, "Well, that's life you gotta do what you gotta do." They are always there to help as you say Shannon but I never need to ask and it's been years since I've had to do that.
It's funny you say that
It's funny you say that because I feel like I'm in a generation that's sort of in-between. Some people my age were out on their own right out of HS, some were gone after college and then maybe less than a handful are still at mom and dad's - paying rent of course! I don't know how it happened that this new generation became spoiled and selfish and absolutely unable to function on their own but it's a real shame. I can't see myself being anything less than a strict mother. I feel like society gives me no choice...don't want my kids like so many skids on here are and how my SO's are. Although I do have to say that they seem better than A LOT of the stories I have seen on here. I guess we all have our share of issues and each of us a different story. Someone once told me if we all put our problems together in a pile to choose one, we would scramble to get our old problems back. It's probably true.
My DH has created a monster
My DH has created a monster by not giving SD any reason to leave. He used to do everything for her (go in her room and get dirty towels to wash), and he never demanded anything from her. She doesn't realize how pathetic she looks by still living with not only her dad . . but also his new wife. . . at her age.
The plan was she'd finish her education, get a job and get her own place. She finished her education, couldn't find a job for a short time and when she did find a job BM convinced her she should by a house. It would take her 2-3 years to prepare for that financially. I told DH that if she wasn't gone by her 28th Bday this year, I was out. He refused to give her a move-out date because "he didn't want to hurt her feelings."
I'm so happy she's getting married next year, and I'm trying to be patient but I want her out now. The situation wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't lazy, mean-spirited, unfriendly and manipulative. At one point she wouldn't speak. Now how many of you want to live under a roof with that type of tension? I can go on and on about the BS I've experienced. I never knew how wonderful I had it living alone.
Finally regarding the money issue, I put my foot down and told DH not to give her back the rent check. At first he was upset, but after I explained that in the real world nobody gives you back your "room and board" money when other financial issues occur. He understood and agreed. But I have a feeling he's going to sneak behind my back and give her something towards the deductible and there's nothing I can do to stop him.