How do I get over feeling like a failure for not liking my stepkids?
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So, they're not bad kids. They're not perfect and they have annoying traits/habit, but what kid doesn't.
What I'm wondering is -- at what point do I stop feeling bad that I don't like them? That I can't wait for their time here to be over and for them to go back to their moms? (We have them 50/50).
Do you just accept it after years go by?
I'm just wondering if anyone has managed to overcome the feelings of not being a decent person because you, at times, can't stand your step kids! Any advice on how to feel better about it? This is about me, not them, I realize...
right there with you! wish i
right there with you!
wish i had some advice for you, but i struggle with the same feelings..
Thanks... I had a feeling
Thanks... I had a feeling there was no simple answer to my subject line question.
Maybe someone will post some brilliant insight/advice for me later. There has to be someone who felt so guilty but eventually found a way to overcome it! I feel like such a peice of shit sometimes! At least this site makes me know I am SO not alone in this.
My only advise is to not be
My only advise is to not be so hard on yourself. Remember that you don't have unconditional love for them...cause they are not yours. You are going to see faults that their parents never will see. I still struggle with these issues as well, but it does help to know you are not alone.
Also, I have found sometimes I don't care for mine more because of how their parents deal with the issues that come up. It is not their fault that their parents need to stop parenting out of guilt.
Listen to what the other
Listen to what the other posters are saying especially what "no previous kids" said. I have similar issues but I don't think I'm NOT a decent person for feeling the way I do. I've come to accept that it is what it is. You can't make someone love you or force yourself to love or even like someone. Either you do or you don't. I've found that once I accepted my feelings and knew that they wouldn't really change, I felt more at peace with myself. Do I wish I felt differently about my stepson? Sure, but I don't so I can't and won't beat myself up over something I can't change.
Don't beat yourself up and
Don't beat yourself up and get the book "Stepmonster"
Read thoroughly.
Really it's not natural to bond with some child that you know nothing about just because *supposedly* said kid is half your SO!!
It's like randomly cruising your neighbourhood and just plucking a kid to adopt out of thin air; then expecting to fall in love with the kid.
Not gonna happen. Don't force anything. Be yourself and that's about it.
i might stand a better
i might stand a better chance:
"It's like randomly cruising your neighbourhood and just plucking a kid to adopt out of thin air; then expecting to fall in love with the kid."
then loving skids..
Okay I will try the
Okay I will try the Stepmonster book, that sounds appropriate enough! I will have to hide it though, wouldn't want them to pick up nickname for me...
I guess the REAL issue I have is that I have this nagging feeling that its something flawed in me that makes me basically feel like they are intruders who are here half the time, instead of viewing them as a couple of basically nice kids.
(I liked them fine when I didn't live with them, when their dad and I were just dating).
Yep, I need to learn to love myself more and stop thinking this issue means I'm flawed or bad.
Thank you fellow SM's!
If it makes you feel any
If it makes you feel any better I think mine are squatters when they come in and try to take over. They are good kids, but they invade your life and disrupt the routine. I hope you have a better time trying to get your hubby to enforce rules than I have had. It only makes you feel more invaded when they are allowed to be on "vacation" while they are there. Your not on vacation. My Husband tends to forget that.
Remember to take time for yourself. And it is the skids job to bond with you, too.