Help..Steps will not sleep alone
I have three steps, SS12, SS10, and SD8. When DH and I got married and he moved in my house we fixed each child a bed. The 2 boys share a room, the girl has her own room, and my son has his own room. The reason my son has his own room is he lives here full time.
The first weekend we had them after he moved in his daughter came into our room and got in bed with us...I did not say anything till the next day but then I told her dad....If he needed to sleep with her he could find another bed while she is here. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE IS SHE ALLOWED TO SLEEP IN OUR BED. Needless to say he backed me up and she has not did that since. DH will back me up on whatever I decide. BUT
I put the kids in bed and the next morning when we go to get them up they are all in the same bed. They first started getting in bed with my son and I put stop to that....He does not get enough sleep and is really grumpy the next day.
The SD will be 9 in a few months and I am worried her mom will make a fuss about her sleeping with the boys. I think she sleeps with BM when she is at home.
I am ready to blow a gasket if these kids don't stay in their own damn beds at night. Also they start whining that they cannot sleep without the TV on.
Every morning when we go to get them up they are in the same bed, TV is own, and lights are on. We leave a light on in the hall for them.
SS12 says he is not afraid but the last time they were here I heard him wake the other two up and get them to come sleep with him.
Thanks for any advise.
How long have they been
How long have they been coming to visit you? It could be that they are clinging to each other because that is all that hasn't changed. I think you should let them be. Eventually they will grow out of it. Most likely the older boys will not want their sister in their room.
As far as the TV, set the timer for 30 mimutes. It will turn itself off.
They have been coming EOW
They have been coming EOW since August and have stayed 7 days at a time several times. So I don't think that is the problem.
For the most part they are great kids....but they can get on my nerves at times but that is just kids being kids.
I guess I need to quit making this a power struggle but on Thursday nights I feel like they are not getting a good nights sleep.
We have them EOW Thursday after school till Sunday morning.
That's not even a year. It
That's not even a year. It takes a while for kids to adapt to blended families. Most books that I have read say that it takes approximately 7 years for everyone, including the sps to adjust. I still think this is not a hill you want to die on. There are so many things that kids in general pull as they reach teen years.
My SD has her own room in our
My SD has her own room in our house. (a waste) SD9 is here every other weekend and most times she complains that she can't sleep, she is afraid, it's too bright, it's too dark, she hears noises. Blah blah blah. So, on fridays we let BD5 sleep with SD in her room. It's fun for both of them, but on Saturday and Sun nights, they have to sleep in their own bed.
I think SD does it because she shares a bed with her mom and siblings while she is with her BM. I think it can be fun fo kids to sleep together, but when it starts to be an every night thing, it can become a problem. Especially when they stay up watching t.v or just playing around. Sleep is important, especially on school nights.
It all depends on how you feel about it and if it is interferring with their sleep.
I think 12 is a little old to
I think 12 is a little old to be sharing a bed. Why not tell them that if they are more comfortable, the daughter can sleep on their bedroom floor for awhile, but they all need to stay in their own beds. Maybe get her an air mattress or a bed roll and keep it in there awhile. I'm sure they'll eventually grow out of it, but sleeping in their own beds would allow them a better nights sleep.
Do you have twin or queen
Do you have twin or queen beds for them all? How can they all fit in one bed?
First, take the TV out of the room. This is a distraction and a good reason to wake up and watch TV instead of getting yourself back to sleep.
It may be cute and cuddly for them all to sleep together like kittens/puppies. But eventually with growing children that older boy will start experiencing morning sensations that may become VERY embarrassing. I also feel that kids need to learn to sleep on their own to develop their independence.
I would allow sleeping in the same room only on a non school night (Fri/Sat). Otherwise SD sleeps in her own room. Or maybe buy some bunk beds for the boys and move the SDs bed into their room. And then make it clear HER room is going to become your craft room which will be out of bounds for all the kids including your son.
If she knew she was losing her personal space she may stay in her own room more often.
That being said, if she sleeps with her mother then she is probably lonely. And her mother is not doing her any favours by doing this. And she certainly cannot complain that her daughter seeks out a warm body to crawl next to at night when she encourages it in her home.
The BM cannot call the shots in your home. If she makes a fuss she cannot insist SD only sleep with you and your husband. YOur house, your rules.No court will insist on interferring with your homes sleeping arrangements when you have attempted to give the child more space than a lot of kids.
The boys have twin beds, my
The boys have twin beds, my son has a queen bed, SD has a full bed. They usually end up in my son's bed. SD's bedroom is next to mine and DH and the boys rooms are upstairs. If I put my son in his bed upstairs 9 times out of 10 he is on the couch asleep when I get up. He is used to sleeping by himself and he will stay upstairs till everyone else falls asleep then he comes downstairs to the couch or SD's bed.
The past month on Thursday nights I have made my son go to bed in SD's bed and put her and SS10 in the twin beds and SS12 in son's bed. Very confusing.....but all three of the steps are in the same bed when I get up with TV going and lights all on upstairs. On the weekends I just let them sleep where ever as long as they go to bed by 10.
I don't think BM would say anything but I worry about her claiming sexual abuse of SD because SD doesn't care if it is her brothers or my son she sleeps next too. Just don't want any trouble.
Ugh my SS9 would pull that
Ugh my SS9 would pull that crap when he came to visit. Wouldnt go to bed without someone sleeping with him. He would wake up in the middle screaming when he found out that he was alone. Every morning we would wake up & find him sleeping on the floor in our roon. We found out that when he wasnt sleeping with his mother he was sleeping w/ his older sister. My in laws bought the kid a queen size bed set, and the dumb beeatch BM SOLD it!!! His older sister is now 14 and SS still goes to sleep with her. His new thing while he is here is that he cant go to bed with out the tv, of course disney dad just wants to make him happy. "why cant he stay up til midnight & watch whatever he wants? He's on vacation" UGH
It is wierd that stepsons are
It is wierd that stepsons are not sleeping alone. Have 2 stepsons, 4 and 8, live with BF, visit EOW. BF works nights at a prison, and they sleep with him nights when he is home, otherwise they sleep in same bed as BGrandmother. When they visit - they sleep with DW, despite each having their own bunkbed in same room. Finally put my foot down and told DW I am done with being abandoned every time they visit, and either sleep with me or find a hotel for you and them when they visit. Now she is sleeping with me after putting them to bed. Waiting for 8yo to be embarrassed that he is still sleeping with his Father and younger brother - but above post describes same in 14yo!! UGGGH!
First you are lucky they
First you are lucky they aren't in bed with you, haha.
Second, I think that it is fine for a weekend fun activity, but if it is a school night they need quality sleep. It is legitimate to say that they still have not adapted to your home, perhaps concede on the TV and the lights but enforce seperate beds on school nights?