I promise im not as evil as i sound...help
A little history- i was pregnant 5 months- and i am told by my bf that he has gone and got someone else pregnant. Fast fwd 3 yrs and my son is 4 months older then his sister. I have come a long way, I did stay with him and chose to forgive the situation and not forget. I chose to love this little girl because she is my sons sister if nothing else. Well it has gone reletivly smooth until lately. For some reason, I have some strong feelings that i do not want to be around this little girl. He has finally worked out a schedule w the mother that he has her every other wknd. I am now dreading them wknds. I dont want to be in my own home to be honest when she comes. I feel like the 2 kids are constantly being compared. I feel like im jealous if he gives more attention to his "babygirl" then his son, and that often happens. He feels the need to coddle her because she dont live with us I think. And to make things worse, i believe her mother has placed things in her head to not like me, because for a kid who used to adore me, she not longer wants me in the same room as her. (She is 2.5) and her dad just says, she is 2, she dont know any different, she is only w her mother all the time, so of course she wants her mother when she is here. ugh. I need help. I hate that i have these feelings. I hate that i have feelings like i wish he didnt even see his kid, because i KNOW that isnt right, and it isnt the kids fault. But I honestly feel that way. (A bit of history again, the mother, knew me, knew i was preg, and intentionally got preg by him, in hopes to snag him) Now she just wants to rule everything since thats all she can control. I hate the fact that the kids constantly get compared. The girl is smarter cuz she is potty training, and she is younger (4 mnths) and my son hasnt shown intrest. When she was younger it was, well she eats food by herself, and yours dont...blah blah...Little things, but it drives me nuts. I have a long road ahead of me. I want to love the kid. I dont know what has changed in me. I think he has no backbone when it comes to that mother because he dont want drama. I am on this forum because i believe most people would not understand this.
That is really hard. Your bf
That is really hard. Your bf probably does feel guilty and wants to dote on her. He will regret it. Girls are almost always way advanced compared to boys in almost everything until the teenage years. Even then they are more mature. Also sneakier/harder to deal with as teens (imho). You can't begin to compare. If you ever go to a preschool /kindergarten/ coed sports team until they are about 12 - you will see; the girls always seem smarter and are better athletes etc. Girls are more social/talkative so it seems that way and they have better coordination etc. Everybody compares kids and it is really hard when it is in your face. Just picture them as twins....I'm sure your little boy is better at something /nicer . They are just concentrating on learning different skills.
Girls are known to potty
Girls are known to potty train earlier than boys, just so your man and his babymama knows... Girls do a lot of things earlier. Even learning to write, girls have better dexterity in their fingers at an earlier age. That's just how we (girls) are made. Boys have their strengths too. Your boy will start showing his interests and strengths one day, but he's still tiny. They need to stop comparing and let the kids develop naturally as kids do.
Sorry you are going through this. At least you are mature enough to understand it's not the little girl's fault. And really, she's not your kid. You don't have to like her or like being around her. If her BM is starting this early, you can count on it getting worse, so now is a good time to establish boundaries with your BF for when the girl is around.
oh thank you so much RaeRae!
oh thank you so much RaeRae! You really made me feel tons better. I am confident that my son is learning at the right rate, its just so sad to see that his dad thinks he is falling behind or slow or something because she is doing something different. And as his mom, of course I get offensive. Its a hard situation all around. One that may never get easier, one that had left a huge scar in me, but like I said, it was my choice to take this one, and stick it out, so I had to move on from the past. But it does sit in the back of my head. Seems like we fight tons more on the wknds she comes, just because I like how our family is already, its a big disruption, and i am sure ALOT of stepparents feel this way when they have children of there own too. Something I will have to learn to adjust to with time. I do appreciate your response. And not judging. Thank you!!!!