Adult Step Kids - Any ideas
ok.. here goes. We are NOT married yet - but plan on going to the islands to do so. The eldest can't hold a job for more than 2 months - has a two year old - and I have been paying the household bills (her house he lives in with his girlfriend and child) for 9 months now. Finally when I took the family to Colorado for a vacation - we all agreed Child #1 would begin paying everything but the rent (including his cell phone). D day finally came - now I am "a controlling jerk" for wanting him to pay his own bills - somehow it's my fault he is behind oh his child support - and now I am " nothing more than his mom's boyfriend - nothing to him". (btw - the house is in repossession from where his dad quit making the court ordered payment. - now I have that also.
Son #2 - on probation - paid his drug class fee's - failed a uring test almost immediately after - hire a lawyer and fix that - gets arrested 3 weeks later for drugs again - same lawyer - more $$ - thought we had all ghis fixed and good - he got 1500.00 on his tax returns - now is belligerent on paying 1/2 the fee and fines. Here is the kicker - "love me - love my kids " yea - I have loved her - she quit a minimum wage job and I cover both households and all the extra's... god knows I love her - but I am going mad over here. What the heck do i do ?
"love me - love my kids" is
"love me - love my kids" is all fine and dandy, but that does not mean you need a great big "kick me" sign on your back.
Quit paying for the adult kids. Just stop.
If Child #1 is old enough to play house, he can pay for it.
I'd stay far far away from Child #2. You don't need that mess.
She is using you, it is so
She is using you, it is so obvious. Don't fall for emotional blackmail.
Sounds like you are a very
Sounds like you are a very kind person, too kind if you are assuming the finacial responsibility of two households. You might really look at that. Is this what you really want? how is this affecting you? I would be placing boundaries now and if you get negative feedback I think you have your answer. I kind of feel you are being manipulated.
OK...so as long as your
OK...so as long as your footing the bill for everything, life is good? Once you stop, you are a jerk? These kids are plenty old enough to be on their own and they are NOT your responsiblity. As far as picking up the mortgage that her ex dropped the ball on....WHAT??????!!!!!! Who cares, let it go! It's not going to affect you, so let it go!
Don't martyr yourself. If I had a dollar for every guy who thought they could save some girl/woman from her crappy situation, I'd be a millionaire! You may need to really re-think this BEFORE you run off to get married.
DH says it so well, "You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl!"
I agree I'm a firm believer
I agree I'm a firm believer in never bailing out adult kids unless the kid has proved they are trying to the best of their ability and just need a little help once in a wile.
Stop paying for anything for those adults! They need to know what it is like to grow up and part of growing up and being an adult is the responsibility that comes with it.
Ship them both overseas and
Ship them both overseas and have the invoice for the ride fowarded to them.
Heed this advice if nothing
Heed this advice if nothing else.......
RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!! You do NOT deserve to be treated this way and if you continue to to be the doormat for her family, eventually you WILL be SORRY!!!!!
As my mother always told me...."There's more fish in the sea"!
Honestly, I would run for the
Honestly, I would run for the hills. It will only get worse, I have been there done that and sooo wish I would have just left when I had the chance. Save yourself!!