The title question is a little vague, so let me explain my question.

IMPORTANT: I have found I must disclose important things in the beginning of a post, before someone reads this, gets offended, and before finishing reading the entire post, ignorantly responds to something I was not even referring to. This post is NOT about me, my life, or my situation. However, I do know that it happens and that some people have mixed feelings about it. What I am curious to know more about, is if any of you have experienced it and if so, maybe a little about the situation, and how it affected everyone.

I do not want a rant or post about Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). I have done my research on it and am FULLY aware of what it means and possible consequences. I also know that there could also be a positive side to the child not seeing one parent, instead of being brainwashed their whole life. That, and it would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to find the right representatives, judges, etc. to fight a case such as that, and even then it depends on where you live (really, where the child lives) and how educated they are on the matter. So please, do not make this about PAS.

Generally I would think this would be the case in younger children's lives, due to the age of the parents or other children involved. Have any of your DHs, or has anyone heard of DHs disengaging from their own children?

Let me give an example scenario:

A man has a child with and ex-girlfriend/ex-wife/one night stand, what have you, and she turns out to be the oh so crazy BM that most of us are all too familiar with. Except for this one pushes it a little farther than most of the others. She shows up at places of employment, events where she knows you or the DH will be, or family members' houses, just to throw a dramatic fit. She has called DCS on you or your husband a number of times for abuse, put it in legal documents that their child is abused by you or your DH, and even fought it in court. Not to mention, she has taken a child at a VERY impressionable age (2-4) and hammered it into her head that 'Daddy hits/touches [me] here, he is a monster. I'm scared' or '[SM] hit and screamed at me. She is a witch. She scares me' or '[your child] BK touched me here (pointing to privates), [they] hurt me'. Not only these things, but has been taught to do them on a baby doll, by BM, and do those things to a baby doll in play therapy. For all necessary and REALISTIC purposes, let us say that all of this has been taken to and fought in court, and the BM has come out on top on every occasion.

(Save all of the arguments of 'children that young do not really do that on their own unless something is happening. #1: You would not say that if you were the one being accused, and knew it wasn't true. #2: Something IS happening, the mother figure of a very young child is teaching them to do these things.)

Regardless of the fact you were being the 'better person' and knew it wasn't true, what does that make you think for your BK's sake? Is that something you really want to put them through for the rest of their time you signed them up for with SK? Do you want the possibility of dreams and opportunities being crushed for them, because of a crazy BM? Forget the SK for a moment, and think about your BK.

Now, let us make a different scenario. All of the same things regarding the BM and SK above, but this time you and your DH have a baby together. Everything is amazing when the BM or the SK is not involved in anything. Eventually a conversation between you and your DH is brought up about you BOTH disengaging from his child. Of course, this is a day you have dreamed of, but have worried about your DH, because you know he loves his child.

He explains to you that he is very worried about the psychological stress and torment that his BM is putting his child through just because of him and his family. She has already taught her so many bad things, and is wondering how long it takes until his child ends up seriously physically hurt, or on Intervention. Despite his efforts both in and out of the courtroom, the better things get for him, the worse the BM torments the SK. He understands fully that the SK may end up a little twisted, maybe even trashy, but at least she will be happy. BM is not usually abusive in anyway unless it comes to DH and the life SK has with him and his family, so he can take comfort in the fact that SK will be a generally happy child without manipulation.

Not only all of that, but he fears for the life he is creating for the child the two of you have together. He knows he already messed up with one child, and wants to prevent doing it to another if he can. Because after-all, he cannot take BM completely out of SK's life. But the can take BM and SK out of your child's life.

Not to mention, he cannot afford financially, professionally, and mentally to keep fighting the BM in court just for her to keep winning. No matter the change in judges, etc. So you understand.

He continues to financially and monetarily support SK, but the two of you disengage.

Above are two scenarios/examples. Say you have found yourself in either of those, or maybe you know someone that has. Could you please share with me your thoughts and opinions. I am very open to ones that disagree with the disengaging, but keep in mind you are not lecturing me. It is simply something I would like to dig a little deeper into, as I know people in these very situations.

There is a point where the SK boasting stops, and where your own children become much more important. If your DH got behind you on that very fact, would you feel lucky or disgusted? Almost everyone I have met that has actually experienced it, hated the thought of their DH disengaging before hand, but now that they were living the nightmare are very happy to have a DH willing to do that for them and the family they have made. So could you see why I am interested in this?

Although the majority of the things I read on here are about people complaining about their SKs, no matter their age, there are still people who have great relationships with their SKs and sometimes even the BM too. To these people, I as that you understand not everyone has anything close to a 'civil' relationship with the SK nor the BM. So please do not dig into them or bash them when you don't support how they feel. The two of you do not live the same life, and while all children are inherently good and do not deserve to go without one parent if they do not have to...nurturing kicks in at some point, and that also means you cannot help how another mother nurtures their child, but you CAN help how you nurture yours.

Also, if you are more comfortable messaging me, feel free to do so!

Sorry this is so long. Any opinions are appreciated