My Step children dont like me
My partner has 2 children, the oldest child (SH) has just turned 18 and the younger child (DJ) is 10 and will be 11 soon. before i go on, let me tell you that i love these children like my own this is why it upsets me so much. SH is very lazy, all we expect from her is for her to do the dishes after dinner and wash any of her own dishes from the day. most of the time we come home from being a work all day there is usually a sink full of dishes. It frustrates me because my partner and i are gone from the house from 7am- 6pm and we wash any of OUR breakfast dishes before we leave the house. my partner has spoken to her i dont even know how many times but it doesn't seem to have sunken in. I asked DJ to do something and he just ignores me and continues doing whatever it is he is doing, then i leave it for an hour or more then ill ask him again. it really annoys me because i can ask him 100 times to do something but as soon as my partner (his Mother) says to do the same thing he does it. its like he's trying to tell me he doesn't have to listen to me because im just his stepmother and he only has to listen to his mother. also every second weekend he goes to his fathers and when he comes back he's even worse. not only will he ignore me he will back chat and basically tell me he's not doing it. what should i do? should i just stop telling him to do things? i feel like he doesn't care what i have to say. also i buy him things, he doesn't even say thank you he tells his mum he said thank you but he hasn't then she makes him say thank you. but i feel like he's not thankful that he's only saying thank you because she's told him to. i just need some advice because my partner and I are forever fighting and i can't take it anymore.
Just a question and don't
Just a question and don't jump dopwn my throat ... but is your relationship unsettling for the kids? How do they feel with their mother married to another woman? How long has she been divorced/not living with their father? How long have you two been together?
Maybe the kids feel they have one mother and they didn't ask for another mother (because this is what you are in their eyes). Seeing they have a living mother and this other woman comes along (mother figure) they may feel as though they don't have to listen to you or pay attention.
That being said they should pay attention to you if notheg else than as another adult in their lives who helps put a roof over their heads.
One thing you may want to consider is disengaging totally from the boy. No gifts, no extras, no disussions. See, I think they have decided you are the enemy and they will do whatever (including total passive resistance) it takes to get their mother back from you. Because if you are gone their life will return to something called normal. They just want a normal and don't understand how unhappy it will make their mother.
As for the non dishes cleaning 18 yr old. Just ignore it. If her mother makes a comment just say something like "Well, I am sure you will find a way to deal with it." and walk away. Let the dishes pile up. Nagging the girl obviously does nothing. So just put up with the crap for a few months and take care of yourself. Just like a lot of parents with children, your partner needs to realise that you are not cleaning up after her kids anymore. Which makes her childrens behaviour her responsibility and they can't use you as a buffer.
You are an EQUAL ADULT IN THE
You are an EQUAL ADULT IN THE HOME...if your partner does not demand her kids to respect the other adult paying bills in that house, you will forever have problems...I would tell them ALL very nicely "hey, I'm NOT your stepmother, I am AN ADULT in this home...I PAY BILLS and SO DOES YOUR MOTHER"...if your partner has a problem with it, it's not going to work.
what he heck is wrong with these parents who think that it's perfectly ok for kids to not obey ANY ADULT...I was taught to obey EVERY ADULT I CAME INTO CONTACT WITH...not just my parents...it's ridiculous
but is your relationship
but is your relationship unsettling for the kids? The children say they are fine with their mother being gay if that's what you mean. How do they feel with their mother married to another woman? The children were involved in the wedding and the 18 yr old loved it and said she's just glad her mother is actually happy and her son he told his teacher at his catholic school about the wedding so some how i dont think he has a problem with it all. but i guess it must be hard having 3 people in your life in which are a mother figure because his father is remarried as well. How long has she been divorced/not living with their father? she's been divorced from the boys father for 6 years. How long have you two been together? we have been together for 16 months and married for almost 2 months. i know i havn't been a part of their lives very long but i just believe that a child no matter who's child it is should respect any adult regardless of the relationship between the adult and the child. i work in childcare and i find it very difficult to come home to a child that DOESNT listen to me when i have been at work all day with all these children that DO listen.