Is this odd behavior to you?
How many of you can flash back to when your bio or steps were babies and when you gave them a nap, you'd put them on a blanket in the middle of the floor? Back then it was so cute to watch them sleeping.
Well, SD(27) is on the living room floor, taking a nap on a blanket in the middle of the floor. It's hot here, but not scorching to where a fan wouldn't do the trick. DH turned on the air and went out. SD also has a cold so I'm sure she's doing it so she can play the sympathy card to the hilt when he returns. Any moron knows the best way to get rid of a cold is to sweat it out, not lie in front of an air conditioner.
Also, what if DH and I wanted to relax and watch a movie in the living room? Of course we'd do just that if we wanted, but I'm going out this evening. But this is the type of stupid S I live with. Can you see why I want her gone like yesterday? I never know what she's going to do and even DH said he should have gotten her some counseling. Now is this unusual behavior for an adult or is it just me? When was the last time you took a nap on the floor? Tell me it's not just me who thinks this is odd.
Is she an only child? It
Is she an only child? It appears she still wants to be DH's baby and that she is doing this for his attention.
Bingo. Yes she's an only
Bingo. Yes she's an only child and this is her most pathetic stunt to date. Daddy's baby will turn 28 in a few months, has an advanced degree and will be getting married next year. Wonder what her fiance would think of this. How can you have children when you're still a child yourself?
Shannon, I can safely say,
Shannon,
I can safely say, that at 33, the last time I curled up on the floor and took a nap on a blanket was....
today..... well, I took a nap on a blankie on the floor- but it was with my sweet 7 year old son who is autistic and just got out of the hospital with Fifth's Disease. So, the motivation wasn't the same, LMFAO. What a shameless ploy at sympathy!! I feel so bad that you have to go through what you are going through, it is hard to deal with overplayed melodramatics!!! I have a 23 year old SS who acts like a full on drag queen diva!! If he stubs his toe, it is three hours of exagerated limping and him whining and crying in full hysterics about how his toe is "smashed and broken in four places" and he "won't ever be able to walk right again"! I am at the end of my rope and I don't really know where to go from here, but hey, to all the stepparents out there who feel the same, there is room at the end of my rope if you wanna hang on with me- we can use all the help we can get
Poppy
Hey Poppy, I hope your son is
Hey Poppy, I hope your son is feeling better. . . . bless his heart.
Yes, this is the foolishness I have to deal with. Oh and I didn't even post about her melodramatics about her cold. She leaves her bedroom door open and sniffles, coughs, clears her throat, blows her nose . . etc. Now she usually keeps it closed, but she's going for full tilt drama here.
Not only that, she increases the chances of us catching it so I'm constantly wiping up w/Clorox wipes and spraying Lysol.
Finally . . cold medicine is made to stop everything I mentioned above, but taking that wouldn't be logical because she wouldn't get any attention. Yes we can use all the help we need, but the biggest form of help for me would be to see a moving truck pull up in prepartion to load SD's tacky stuff.
My SD36 is also an only child
My SD36 is also an only child and has no children - they would probably get in her way. I read up on narcissists recently and found out many were only daughters. I also found out from my therapist that this is not about you or your DH - other than being an audience. It's all about her. I truly believe the little 'blankie' episdoe was in answer to the two of you leaving her to herself in the living room and retiring to the bedroom together. If anyone else has a concern, grief or problem, she will turn it around so everyone's attention is focused on her, and if she fails to do that, she will take revenge in some way. If she feels at all like the focus is straying elsewhere she will go to any length to regain it. You can not win with a narcissist until you are not living with them. The sad thing in my case is DH created this and now I am supposed to have compassion for him because he has failed to raise an adult human being who has empathy for anyone but herself. You said she had made recent commemts like she was moving. HELP her! But I have sad news: Even if she does move out, she will not change and you might have to deal with a man who is guilty for 'throwing' his little Princess out - but then, you can choose to be around her or not.
Sandye21 you're right on
Sandye21 you're right on point. SD is very vindictive. It's one of the many things about her I don't like. But I never considered her stunt might have been about revenge from last week. I knew it was about fishing for sympathy because she has a cold. But I didn't think it through to that perspective. Either way, her little stunt didn't work. I didn't say one word to her and DH didn't come back until hours later so she never got the attention she was looking for. After napping for a 1/2 hour, she got up and went back to her room.
Shortly afterwards, she left for the evening. Hopefully her fiance gave her the attention she needed. He has no clue what he's in for. Others on this site are betting that her marriage will last only a year. I hope that's not the case because I'm fearful she'll want to move back in with us, and DH will welcome her with open arms.
Hopefully she will be moving soon, but I'll believe it when I see it. So now DH is walking around looking like a sad sap because his little girl is leaving. I have a feeling he's blaming me, but he knows better than to say it. SD has caused nothing but conflict since day one, and I want her out. I don't have time or patience for this ridiculous BS.
Thanks everyone for your feedback, it's much appreciated.
I agree with you - the
I agree with you - the 'blankie' stunt was not for revenge but for attention. The problem starts when Narcissists have to compete for attention. Yes, you may get the blame for a while but your DH will soon find out how much he enjoys a house without the conflicts your SD creates. I got the blame for 20 years for not making my SD feel 'comfortable' enough. When asked for specifics no one could come up with anything. Now I am trying to forgive HD for being such a wimp but the negativity only hurts me. It's really hard too. I am open to any suggestions on how to make this easier.
Sandye21, thanks for the
Sandye21, thanks for the insight on narcissism. Research indicates that the cause is childhood trauma of attachment/separation. And my SD is indeed a victim of that. It's beyond sad.
Also is you SD married? I'm wondering how spouses deal with these type of personalites.
DH and I talked about her moving and he said it's what SHE wants to do because she wants to live alone before she gets married. But I'm certain this relates back to the couch incident. I think we hurt her feelings, but I'm not kissing her behind . . period. She and DH are aware of the fact that I've wanted her out since day one.
I feel the same way about my husband. I don't respect or view him the same as before we got married. I'd love to know how to get back to that place.
Yes, my SD is married and has
Yes, my SD is married and has been financially supporting her husband for years. He is a big emotional support to her and even took part in a lot of the mean games that I put up with. But then it's an easy price for him to pay. On one of my Birthdays, SD and her hubby came down to visit DH. Neither one acknowledged my Birthday and refused to even talk to me. I had done absolutely nothing and asked DH why they seemed mad at me. He replied, "He's only protecting her." I asked, "From what?" DH could not give an answer. I think she was ticked because DH was giving me a little attention on the morning of my Birthday.
Someone who knows my DH told me his daughter will always be number one in his life. I can even accept this if I knew that he would defend my right to have respect in my own home. When we got married wasn;t there something about "to love and protect?".
Sandye21 - that behavior is
Sandye21 - that behavior is inexcusable. DH should have got in her behind about her behavior. Her DH was only following suit. Last year my SD didn't even get me a card for my birthday and I never let DH forget it. He said he talked to her about it and she made some flimsy excuse about being busy, etc. I also went away for a few days because I didn't want to be here to celebrate. I think that's the sad thing. I chose to go away as opposed to staying home because there is no sense of family here. Before we got married my DH's oldest sister told me "make sure you come first" . . now I know what she meant.
In SD's case, I think her fiance is the voice of reason and I don't see what he sees in her. He seems to be just the opposite, kind and gentle and I truly like him ... (more so because he's taking her off our hands).
Finally, DH told me last night that yesterday SD told him "well dad, I don't want to burst your bubble, but I'll be moving out at the end of August and I'll be taking such and such with me." Now mind you, she just told him this same thing on Father's day, but it wasn't enough so she had to remind him so she'd once again be the center of attention, and hurt his feelings because she knows the sun rises and sets on her as far as DH is concerned.
Instead of him saying "honey you told me that a few days ago remember"? He tried to discourage her. I don't think in all of my days on this earth thus far, have I ever met anyone one as malicious, mean-spirited triffling, and pathetic as my SD. And I'm so sorry that she is still under our roof. I can barely stand to be in the same room with her. God help her as she goes along her path of life.
Mustang1 . weird isn't the
Mustang1 . weird isn't the word for it, how about strange? Or odd. I asked him, did she burst your bubble and he said no. I swear, how did I end up living with 2 nut cases? Seriously!
I'm going to wait until SHE tells me she's moving because I don't think it's going to happen. I think she's bluffing. When I see her packing her dollar store stuff, then I'll mention my plans for the room.
Yes DH is walking around looking silly. I want to tell him they should look for a place for them to move to . .together.
How did I become a member of the "my stepdaughter is a pathetic loser club"?
I am getting the woe is me a
I am getting the woe is me a bit from DH. SKids are visiting soon and he has reminded me that it's been almost 2 years since he saw SD21, how he's missed her, blah, blah. SD has not missed him at all, and wouln't be coming if we were not paying for the trip!!! When we were sorting through this YET again a couple of weeks ago , it was his main arguement and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him the only thing SD would miss is the money !!!!
I cannot imagine WHY a Skid won't leave....I couldn't wait to go at 17, and there was NO support from my parents money wise !!! These entitled golden Skids, even my DH in moments of clarity says he has made a rod for his own back !!!
When you make life too easy
When you make life too easy for your adult children, they never want to leave home. My SD didn't have any chores and DH did everything for her. One day SD left ground beef on the table overnight to thaw out, and I asked DH if she knew the meat would spoil. His answer was "I hope she knows." He didn't have the balls to tell her so I did. How sad is that? You have to teach your kids, not look the other way.
Enabled adults are crippled, clueless and have no coping skills. With the slightest set-back, my SD becomes depressed. She's so weak it's pathetic. But it's DH's fault for coddling her. All of DH's friends who have adult children SD's age . . . . have moved out.
Finally, I couldn't wait to move out. I was so excited about my own place. Heck I was buying stuff up to a year in advance and packing it away for my big day. I moved out and never looked back.
Mustang you're so right. My
Mustang you're so right. My SD has no idea how pathetic she looks still living at home going on 28. She has no shame. She works and was spending all her loot on clothes and shoes until I made DH charge her "real rent". He was charging her less that $100 per month. Come on now. I jacked that up as soon as she got her new job.
In her case, I'll believe she's moving, only when I see the truck pull up. She hasn't started packing or told us about any of the places she's looked at. So there's no excitment there that one would usually see. I think she's going to hang on to DH's balls for as long as she can. And that she's only looking for a reaction from DH and myself. I pray that I'm wrong.
Honey...time for you to go
Honey...time for you to go into the kitchen and start a fixing some good soul food for the poor sick thing. Rattle those pots and pans, cook up a storm....make her some sick. Put lots of chili pepper in it to chase that cold away.
But...if she's sick..what the heck is she doing visiting you. So let's get the Lysol out and start spraying...sparying where she sits, lays, everywhere. Spray spray spray...none of those snigglin snifflin cootie wootie germs allowed in the house. spray her and the boys friend, too..."Opp's sorry, didn't mean for that to go on you".
THey're in your home. Make some noise while doing something good for them. Make a chicken soup and keep spraying Lysol. Let her know you don't appreciate her being there while being sick.
"make her some
"make her some sick.....SOUP".
I call it "Cowgirl Has The Blues Soup" and I make it when friends are sick. However...when making the soup with the self absorbed rude cow laying on the floor...make lots of noise!
Done With It. The problem is
Done With It. The problem is .. she still lives w/us. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. A few days ago, I did just what you recommended, and walked around spraying Lysol. Plus she's nasty and doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom (our bedroom is next to the bathroom). She's going to stay sick, which is fine as long is she's not under our roof.
This morning, she made enough noise in the bathroom taking a shower, to wake the dead. DH shook his head and said he's going to talk to her. He just got on up since she interrupted his sleep. I was able to go back to sleep. I think it was intentional because nobody paid the baby any attention when she had malaria . . . I mean a cold.
So much other stuff is going on w/family, etc., that even DH didn't play the baby routine regarding her cold. She wants it to be all about her. I think he's finally starting to wise up.
Not sure how many times I've said it, but I can't wait for her to get the f out!
Yes indeedy .. going on 28 in
Yes indeedy .. going on 28 in a few months.
I'm so not going to miss her, her laziness or her woe I'm sick . . w/DH coddling her like she's 5 years old.
I truly think her BM got in her butt about moving out because SD is much to selfish to consider the fact that since we've been married, we've never known true privacy because we've NEVER lived alone. I'm looking forward to finding out what that feels like.
Just last night her fiance came over and she doesn't have enough sense to announce his visit, so I had to run to our bedroom because I was sitting on the couch in a nightgown. :sick: