Disability -- yes I applied back in September, they denied it one time, and now I'm doing the reconsideration process right now. If that doesn't go through then I can appeal. I do have an attorney so am hoping that will make a difference. I used to work in the legal field and made plenty of money to support myself. I get so pissed when I think about all of this some times. I really just want to be happy again -- and not sure if that can happen in this current situation. I read so many stories here and I think "this is never going to end, ever." We will always have his kids in our lives. They will always ben leeches because he has taught them to be that way.

They live with us full-time -- at least 2 of them do. The oldest SD22 got kicked out -- I put my foot down about that one and said if he didn't I was gone. She is a bitch and has been awful. Oh, and he asks me last night "what am I supposed to do about this?" "My daughter and my wife can't stand each other, what am I supposed to do about this?" I wanted to tell him "I don't give a shit." So I told him, what do you expect out of me -- do be a doormat and continue to allow her to treat me like crap? I was instantly pissed. I told him he could visit her outside the home. I'm not leaving MY house so he can visit that little bitch.

Honestly this is turning me into someone I don't like. I am not a person who cusses, but I've got cuss words all over in my head and they are now even coming out my mouth. I try to forgive. I'm supposed to be a Christian -- but yet I have all this hate in me right now that I can't even stand myself. It's like this never ending circle and merry go round of insanity that I can't get off of even if I want to.

I already know how the camping trip is going to be. I'm going to do all the work for every body. My husband may help some. I'm going to be pissed and edgy. I'm not a drinker, but this may cause me to start drinking just so I can survive this trip -- I want to go because I want my daughter to enjoy the trip. Last years camping trip -- they have a different memory of it -- they remember it being fun. I remember them complaining and bitching about EVERYTHING. BRATS.

novemberm -- my chronic illness has been ongoing since November 2008 -- it just got to a point of such severity in April of last year that I had to be let go/quit. It was so sad and hard for me. I'd been with my boss for 9 years, and loved that job. He still holds an open spot for me should things change. Which is sweet. I'm even still on their web site listed as "staff" -- I began having such severe migraines and seizures, together with everything else, that I was no longer able to do a productive work week. Terribly frustrating. I tell ya, if I could go back to work, I would do it in a heart beat.

Funny thing though, some days I like being home because all the kids have jobs so the house is quiet -- and peaceful. The younger of the three skids aren't nearly as bad as the oldest, but she seems to have an influence over the others. The youngest was around her oldest sister the other day and that seemed to have an effect on her, and she has been just a brat, even more than normal, the last few days. Sigh.

Well, I tried to talk to my husband. Now he's pissed. Oh well. Just one more person in the house --

mmh -- I'm sorry you're dealing with CFS/ME also. Mine has gotten really bad since 2008 -- due to the stress I know. I haven't quite solved the whole camping dilema yet. Don't really know what to do. I would love to stay a campsite away with my daughter, but then that would cost extra -- which we don't have I would love to tell him to take his kids and go, and I'll take my daughter on a separate vaca and go -- but we can't afford that either. I don't know.

Yes, savings account -- that I do have -- in my name alone. I earn money babysitting and my DH told me I could do with it whatever I wanted -- so I do. I put it in a savings account and don't touch it. I'm not hiding it from him. He knows about it and knows it doesn't have his name on it. I told him. Because I told him if he ever allows SD22 to move back again EVER, I'm gone, for good. I said that last time and never followed through. I told him this time when he kicked her out -- yet again (I think this was at least the 3rd time he's had to kick her out) -- that I seriously was not staying the next time. And I emphasized it repeatedly so he would not forget it this time.

The last time he let her move back in -- he made the decision unilaterally, and this was how it went. Oh ya, he did say I could have a say in it, sort of. So within ear shot of SD22 he tells me "if it were up to me I would let her move back in, so what do you think honey?" I was floored. I said "well, I guess the decision is made." He's like "what?" I said "the decision is made. You just made it. Because now if I say no, I'm the bitch step mom. Thanks a lot." "No no, you do have a say in this," says DH. "Nope, I don't." I was so pissed I don't think I talked to him for a couple of weeks. I felt so betrayed. This was after I hadn't spoken to her in probably 9 months. This was after an entire month of me asking him "you're not letting her move back in are you." and him telling me and promising me that no he's not letting her move back in -- an entire MONTH. So I felt pretty good about the situation when she came back from her crazy mother's that she would not be moving back in with us. But no -- see the conversation above.

And this is how our relationship has gone. Me getting pissed. Me voicing my opinions. Him ignoring it. Him sometimes not ignoring it. Me being pissed. Me yelling and trying to get my point acrossed. ETC ETC ETC. Sigh. I'm tired of fighting it at times.

Oh, some good news though. Found out SS18 may be joining the military at least for 3 years and may be doing it sooner rather than later! woohoo!!! He may be out soon! And I can't wait!

I'm thankful for all you here. Thank you for listening everyone. Sorry you all are going through this crap too. Sucks beans.