New to this... but I need to vent!
We have full custody of SS10. Mother is only allowed to visit with supervision (horrible human).
My problem is that SS10 is pretty disrespectful to me. He tries to get in between H and I. Tries?? He succeeds. Each night, I get about 10 minutes of H's time. If that.
When SS10 does something disrespectful, wrong, horrible... and I get onto him about it, I get yelled at by H in front of SS10. If SS10 asks for a trip to the store - I tell him not this week but the weekend - I get yelled at for making a decision without consulting H.
H makes decisions like purchasing a $170 toy at the drop of a hat w/o even asking and I get yelled at for being upset about it.
SS10 is manipulating H and H allows it. If the nanny tells H or I that SS10 did something wrong during the day - H blames the babysitter, because SS10 is only 10 years old and not capable of doing wrong. If SS10 is a bully to a friend - it is the friends fault; not SS10. He isn't capable of it.
SS10 shoots off dirty looks to me, rolls eyes and interrupts with I speak, lies about me, tells his dad that he hates me, that he doesn't like me, that he hates living with us because I am horrible. Psycholigist says that it is normal for a kid (boy) to hate the SM because they are there when the BM isn't. They take the anger out on the SM.
But, it still hurts everyday that I am thrown to the side by H and SS10. They have each other to love and I feel like I am all alone in my house.
I ask H to find a family member to keep the SS10 for a night so we can do something together and he never does.
I hate being the odd man out and treated unfairly. I hate being alone in a house that I am supposed to share with a family.
Being a Step is the worst thing that has happened to me, I think.
Thanks for the outlet. It hasn't helped yet, but I am keeping my fingers crossed! 
GET OUT NOW!!!!! DON'T WASTE
GET OUT NOW!!!!! DON'T WASTE MORE OF YOUR TIME! IT NEVER GETS BETTER!....... IT GETS WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If the site hasn't helped at
If the site hasn't helped at least know there are so many of us that feel your pain. Good luck soul sister.
Hi, I'm in the same boat as
Hi,
I'm in the same boat as you. SD9 with BM being out of the picture. SD hates her mum and around 2 years ago began to call me mum. I feel there's two way resentment; I resent her for the trouble she's caused and destroying mine and my fellas relationship - but I think she resents me. When I was pregnant with my only baby she said "I wish I wish I wish that I came out of your belly". She gets angry that she came from an imbecile and verbalises that only occasionally - the rest of the time she's pretty much how you describe your SS.
Your H sounds very much like how mine was. I saw my SD go to pinch some sweets in a shop. He believed her over me! I was 26 and she was 7 and I was like "you believe me, an adult,over a 7 year old!?". When I told her I was getting copies of the cctv footage she quickly admitted it to daddy. These are the experiences that help the BD see things for what they are.
I think in our situations, the amount of guilt that the father must feel is immense! It took him 3 years to get custody and residence order, knowing full well that SD was being neglected and abused. The legal system let him down along with social services. I know his behaviour in disciplining her is due to feeling so bad that he couldn't "save her". I think most parents want to see the best of their kids and maybe he's a little blinkered because by acknowledging there's problems makes him feel further guilt? We've been having reparenting classes for almost a year now. For a long long time it focused one me. Being too strict, the language I use, how I deal with her. It was always about me when really, the key to this family working is him letting go of the guilt and being a father. So only after a year is he now being offered a 1 to 1 to look at the guilt. Maybe this is something he could maybe do? Do you think he'd be willing or are there going to be some ultimatums to be made?
Your doing everything right and all those things u feel are totally normal! Recently I've started to come on here for sanity and to feel part of something and not alone in this tunnel. So I hope you too feel that there are people in the same boat as you (me being one)
xx
We have been married less
We have been married less than 5 years and plan on having no children of our own. Honestly, I don't want one after all this stuff.
My H has been to two sessions with a counselor, but hasn't made any future appointments. I really don't think that he plans to. I don't bring it up because I am so tired of being a nag. I feel like I am always having to remind him that I am there and have needs, too. Having never been a beggar before, this is all new to me. I feel like I have to beg to get attention. It's a tad unsettling.
I agree about the path SS10 will be on if things don't change. It wouldn't shock me; BM is a criminal and a munipulator. I have told H that he isn't doing any favors for SS10 and that just because I am saying things that are hurtful to hear, doesn't make them wrong.
I try to tell H how I feel about every 2 weeks. That is the amount of time it takes me to get my nose full of the BS before I feel like I am going to explode. He makes promises, agrees with what I say, tells me he is sorry. I get my hopes up and nothing happens. It is a horrible cycle we are on.
I think SS10 can tell when he needs to shape up - after those conversations. I don't know how, because i try to speak to H alone. But, after the conversation SS10 is an angel and H doesn't have to discipline. So, when it begins to happen again - H has alrady forgotten his promise to me.
Sorry for the long response. I feel like I can't talk to anyone honestly about this... it feels better to get out and have it validated.