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After having your own children

Reznov's picture

Submitted by Reznov on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 5:17pm

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General Discussion

I have a 3yo ss and I am pregnant with my first child. I was wondering how (if at all) your relationships changed with skids after biokids were born. My ss and I get along Ok but, I'm not attached to him at all and my worry is that I will care about him even less after my bs is born. What were your experiences like with skids after your biokids were born?

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 5:38pm

You are always going to love your own child more than you love a step. That is just the way it is.

littlemommy's picture

Submitted by littlemommy on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 6:01pm

Honestly you will care for him even less. My SD is also 3 I wasn't her biggest fan before DS was born and bein pregnant amplified it.

seeingitfrombothsides's picture

Submitted by seeingitfrombot... on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 6:14pm

As much as I would like to say no, you will bond with him even more... That would be a total lie! The sunshine and rainbows response would be that it doesn't matter if you carry a child yourself or not, but that isn't the truth. It will always be tough and the best you can do is to find something to love about your stepkiddo and focus on that to allow you to foster the relationship. Best of luck!

MandaV's picture

Submitted by MandaV on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 6:43pm

I can completely sympathize with your situation. It's a very tough road. I have 2 skids (ages 5 & 6). My husband has had full custody of them since they were 2 & 3, so I have mainly been mom more than BM has. The relationship between us has been rocky. They both have been physically abused by BM and her boyfriend, so they have some mental issues, making the relationship even more strained. With that in their history, all the family members treat my skids with more affection and attention than my daughter. It causes a lot of hurt feelings because my daughter gets put on the back burner a lot by my husband's family.

I have a 1 yr old and I'm expecting our 2nd in 2 weeks. I can say that the relationship with the skids did not improve or grow stronger. I was told by everyone that it would, but, in my case, it just didn't. They do not see a difference between them and my kid, they don't understand the concept of half-siblings. So, I am thankful of that. But, I do tend to guard my daughter from them. Especially my SD. She has been showing signs of ADHD/Defiance disorder and can have fits of rage and violence. Frankly, I don't let her near my daughter.

Sorry to get so winded, lol.. I really hope you have a better experience. And maybe you're lucky enough to not have the skid full time. I will tell you that my bond with my husband has never been stronger since we've had a child of our own and I'm no longer 'just a step-mom'.

Congratulations on the pregnancy and I hope all the best for you and your little one!