Rant about this site
I understand this is a place to vent. I get it...I do it. I sympathize when other people do it. Here's what really frustrates me...when people ASK for advice and then either ignore you when you've taken your precious time to try and help, abuse you, insult you, etc. Ok, so maybe they don't agree, no problem there. They don't have to. At least acknowledge when I've taken time to respond. I do it thoughtfully and take my time to try and make sure my responses are kind and fair. I'm not saying I always accomplish that, but I try.
Do people REALLY want advice, or are they here so somebody will agree with them and tell them they're right and everybody else is wrong and poor them awwwwww waaaaaaaa...sorry...I refuse to do that. If you want that, SAY you want that. Then I won't respond. When you ask for advice, at least keep yourself open to it. Has anybody else noticed this, or is it just me? :?
End of rant..thanks for tuning in! You may now return to your regularly scheduled StepTalk! 
I see it too, Calgon. You in
I see it too, Calgon. You in particular put a lot of yourself in your replies, and a lot of care. One thing is to ignore a quick little comment ( like I have left here and there) and another is to ignore a thoughtful and caring response. Know that even if the OPs don't respond, your posts are read by others and the message comes through. You are valuable in this Forum and I am just now discerning who is who here, so it may take some new people a little time.
Some posters don't want the advice and only want the rant, but lately those that have not responded may just be looking to start something. I don't know, but I hope you keep posting your thoughts, because I am learning from them. Thanks.
Thanks SFF! I can say the
Thanks SFF! I can say the same about you and your posts. Positive but truthful. I also get a lot out of the constructive posts, even if the OP is a "troll". I hope one day I can discern who is real and who isn't!
Me too! ^^^^^^^^^^
Me too! ^^^^^^^^^^
Ok good. You make a lot of
Ok good. You make a lot of sense. I know I can be unreasonable, but I try to make that the exception, not the rule! (Just don't ask DH) Although, we also have crazy BM, so she set the bar really low for me!
No, I don't expect anybody to
No, I don't expect anybody to reply to every post. But what I'm seeing a lot is people who will totally skip over my post and reply to one that agrees with them, which is what made me wonder if they really want advice or just somebody to placate them and agree with them.
I totally agree. I also
I totally agree. I also understand that there are people who want help but are afraid to make a move, paralyzed by depression, etc. I understand why they grasp at the person who agrees with them and doesn't make them do something. I understand, but it frustrates me. I think the worst, though, is when people start making excuses for abusive behavior. WE can see it clearly because we're not emotionally involved in the situation, so it's hard to watch somebody stuck there in the abuse. They must know deep down that they have to do something, but knowing and doing are two different things.
^^^^ I think that you're
^^^^
I think that you're refering to my post CalgonTakeMeAway, and if you would like to take a look at my last reply you'll see that I did reply to you.
I don't think that I'm in an abusive relationship. Just read what I posted.
Thanks Ripley. Sometimes I
Thanks Ripley. Sometimes I have a little to much fight. I always appreciate your replys to any post that I am reading. You're always very kind and I never really see you jump to conclusions.
I did read it, Unhappy. You
I did read it, Unhappy. You know your relationship best. Just make sure he treats you right! It sounds like you have things under control.
I am sure Calgon can speak
I am sure Calgon can speak for herself, but I don't think she called for acknowledging every post. I have seen her post to some new "desprate" members, in a very considerate and thoughtful way. You'd think a new members calling out for help would take the time and write two words. Unless they are waiting for more inflammatory responses, that is.
Thanks SFF...exactly.
Thanks SFF...exactly.
^^^^^^ This is my problem
^^^^^^
This is my problem too. It's not that I don't appreciate the advise that's being offered to me it's that I don't have time to respond most of the time. But I do read every response that I have ever received when I post on this website. On the days that I have the time to respond I do and on the days that I don't I just can't.
people only hear the advice
people only hear the advice they WANT to hear. if 9 people tell them it's wrong but 1 tells them it's right- they will listen to the one who says its right bc they want it to be right. i think that is just human nature for most people. the truth hurts sometimes- i feel bad for those who can't hear opinions they may not agree with- but i just think they are the ones who will end up getting more hurt in the end.
the best is when people point things out like "wait- he gave someone his phone number and you were okay with that?" and then they actually DEFEND their SO's actions. it's just like, okay you obviously don't want to hear the truth and that is why you are in the position you are in right now so i am not gonna waste my time...yeah, stay with him, he sounds like a great guy, he most likely accidentally gave her his phone number and then accidentally ended up not coming home til 3am because he didn't realize what time it is, don't mind the hickey, it's probably an allergic reaction, totally legit- you are so right!
craziness!
LMAO..allergic reaction. I
LMAO..allergic reaction. I agree, and I do understand that sometimes the truth is hard to hear. I also know that there's a chance I'm dead wrong. I've changed my opinions on here when I've read other poster's points of view. I guess my problem isn't so much that I want them to respond to MY posts..but to not ignore all but what they want to hear. That wastes everybody's time.
Sometimes I think they are
Sometimes I think they are venting and really don't' want input. They should say this is just a rant...no input please. I read their bio and their past blogs, then ask a question and get no response. I thought maybe they had signed off, or got side tracked.
Or thought my response was useless...oh well.
Calgon, let's face it sometimes the truth hurts. I like it when someone makes me think outside my box. But not everyone does.
I agree, and I'm all for
I agree, and I'm all for venting. I also like it when people make me think outside my box. I may not like it at the time, but afterwards when it doesn't sting anymore, it's very helpful. DH and I had an argument last weekend, and he was totally right about what he was saying. I wasn't so thrilled with the delivery, but since he rarely raises his voice, I let him get it all out. We both apologized and I learned something, and all is good! But, to each their own!
I see this as well; typically
I see this as well; typically if I don't have anything nice to say - I don't! If I have an example of my own life to share - I do! and so forth!! I can take some critisism; but I think most people just want to hear what they want to hear!! Good thought!!
Hbell, that's a good way to
Hbell, that's a good way to approach things. There are times I've wanted to just rip somebody up one side and down the other. Thankfully they are not right in front of me and I have a backspace key! I try to remember that we're all hurting in some way or another and the last thing we need is more conflict.
Draco, I love the analogy
Draco, I love the analogy about the doctors. That's exactly it. Like I said before, it's not so much that my particular comments aren't being responded to, but when 10 people say the same thing and they choose the ONE person who agrees with them to listen to, that just frustrates me. Oh well, I have plenty of my own flaws. I shouldn't go pointing fingers at others.
I'm new here aswell and I
I'm new here aswell and I must say I'm so glad I found this site. I've gotten some great advice and response and appreciate everyones comments. Just too bad that we have to go to sites to realize there are others out there going through similar things.
After reading some posts and such I sent my sons Step Mom and email saying if I was crazy or cause her and my ex any issues I'm sooo sorry. She just laughed and said of course not. Mind you we have an obnormal realationship, we get along great I communicate more with her then my ex.
Thanks Everyone:)
Hahaha my FDH has told me the
Hahaha my FDH has told me the same thing.
Yeah, mine too!! LOL I think
Yeah, mine too!! LOL I think if our BM ever said that to me, pigs would be flying and hell would be freezing over.
That's funny. THanks:) Na my
That's funny. THanks:) Na my ex doesn't really care. We were young (me 20) though and my son was a year and half when seperated and we've always had shared custody. It was the hardest thing to do, but I thought about what was best for my son. And that meant to get along. I think too cause I grew up with my parents divorced and constantly fighting (which is still the case and I'm 29 get over it lol) didn't want that for my son.
OK now I'm confused. All I
OK now I'm confused. All I know is that I have not responded to everyone but I do appreciate the kind words and advice. I just hope I have not offended anyone, it certainly wasn't my intention. I apologize if I did
Blueswan, I didn't express
Blueswan, I didn't express myself well. My real issue came out as we were discussing it. Read my correction to rant post. Please don't feel bad, you did nothing wrong!!
I am often ignored also. I
I am often ignored also. I dont think that I am negative enough, angry enough, or hateful enough to get much attention on this site. That is OK in my book! I still find some great things in this site and have been in some good conversations, and have felt that I have helped a couple of people in there rough situations and that to me is fantastic! People that have comparably better situations like myself (sane BM's, open/non CO parenting plans that work, and decent relationships with there SKIDS and BM's) still have things to discuss, question, and vent about.
I'm glad you're not too
I'm glad you're not too negative, angry or hateful! Don't change! Can I have your sane BM? Pretty please???
I would hope you dont' think
I would hope you dont' think that.....I am happy to hear when things are good! and I like it when they are just quick little rants too.....LOL! It feels good to get things off your chest; even when people don't answer all the time. I try to keep my advice positive - or give examples of how I handled things.
It also hard to learn how to take things in stride. Some people have rubbed me the wrong way here; I guess you will have that! You will find out whose adive is worth your time......Hope you have a good day!!
I totally agree with you...I
I totally agree with you...I haven't been here long, but I see posts and I take time to answer, etc...
I've noticed a few people who don't really want advice...Hell I didn't realize that you could actually delete somebody's post in your blog until I disagreed with a poster on her perspective, and my long, heartfelt reply was deleted...I was like, "wow..." BUT the comments that agreed with her stayed...
It taught me to be more observant of those that post here...I've already found those that I consider ranters/venters/complainers/looking for folks to agree with them-ers...and I steer clear...I might just start posting random agreement stupidness like, "Sho' you right!" or "Tell 'em girl!" dunno...depends on how much of a biotch I feel like being...*shrugs*
LOL Shielded! I didn't know
LOL Shielded! I didn't know they could be deleted either. Good to know!
I am pretty new here too & I
I am pretty new here too & I don't get much time on here either, so I am trying my best to make sure I reply to everyone. I recently posted my story in the beginning, then added some more, then went straight for a FB message BM sent me last year. Idk if it confused everyone or what, but from what I got from the responses, I cheated with my FH on BM, which is totally not the case. It upset me bc people were saying he was probably going to cheat on me too. I hope that they were just confused or didn't get my story straight, as I was writing it in a hurry in the first place.
I felt like this was a place that I could go to vent, see similar stories so I knew that I wasn't alone out here, & get some advise on the skids when I got to that part. I was kinda disappointed in some of the replies. I almost thought about just getting the heck off this site & was second guessing pouring out my story to total strangers.
I do hope that this is a safe place for me & I know that some people are like that, but being new it kinda scared me.
Scape, I can understand that.
Scape, I can understand that. There are always going to be meanies wherever you go. But there are so many nice, supportive people here too. I don't always agree with posters, but I try to express that in kind ways. If somebody is going to be abusive, I will ignore that. If they can disagree and be respectful, bring it on. There is no need to be mean. I think sometimes people are in so much pain or so miserable, it just comes out. And some people are just jerks. Don't be scared and don't take it personally!
I'll stick with it! I will
Thanks again!
I come on here at least once
I come on here at least once a day, it really does help me just knowing you are all out there and supporting each other, and me! I often just want to rant, I really do have a good husband but the kids are juvenile delinquents and their mother is a psychotic gargantuan freak! It's a lot to cope with, it gets overwhelming often and it's really no use taking my complaints to DH, or the kids or worse yet the freak. I think it might get old with family and friends if I am complaining a lot too. So....here I am! I recognize that I am the only person responsible for me, if I took the skillet to my DH's head and knockes some sense into him I'd be the one in front of a judge! Soooooo here I am! If i ripped the SKids new asses then I'd be the one before the panel of child protective services.....soooooooooo...yep...here I am!
giveitago, it sounds like
giveitago, it sounds like you're handling things in very healthy way! We have the freak BM, but the skids are ok. What if you only used a little skillet? LOL kidding of course! I understand about the family and friends. I do talk to my family when I see them, but if you're not a step, you can't possibly understand! That's why I like it here!