Christmas Gifts
Every year I take my step kids shopping for a Christmas gift for their mom. When they were younger they would choose things like an apron w/kitchen gadgets, bathrobe, blanket, travel mug, etc. As they got older I started making photo gifts (frames, collages, calendars etc.). Nothing we give ever seems to be used or enjoyed. For Mother's Day the kids have bought plants or prepared a meal at our house to then assempled and cooked for thier mom at her house. If your stepkids shop for thier BM, I'd love to hear what types of gifts have been given. I like the kids to be involved in the process, but I also like to have ideas as to what direction to steer them in. The kids are now 15 and 13 and we try to keep the gifts around $20 each. Ideas anyone?
I can't help you. I refuse to
I can't help you. I refuse to buy the SK's gifts, let alone their crackhead mama.
Aren't they old enough to be deciding this stuff for themselves? I would think that 13 and 15 are old enough to do the whole process, not just be involved.
Their mother obviously doesnt want this stuff, why you do keep putting yourself out there like that? Why not let her kids take care of it?
I used to help SD make things
I used to help SD make things for her family, BM, cousins etc. She made some hats, scarves etc. I bought the supplies and then we sat together and made stuff. Right now, I am in the process of "forcing" my lazy DD16 to make a shawl for BM. Yes, you read correctly. SD18's bm has been unbelievably nice and hospitable to my daughter, who has been taking advantage and not giving back. So I told her she either works for several hours for me to make the money to buy BM a present, or she better start making something to give back, or I will not let her go over to BM's house any longer.
I think helping/ encouraging kids to make stuff is a nice thing.
if BM has a boyfriend or
if BM has a boyfriend or husband it is his job Not yours.
She does have a husband and I
She does have a husband and I agree that he should be involved, but he never is and I know the kids enjoy the feeling they get from choosing and gifting something to their mom. I don't think they should miss out on that feeling just because their stepdad is self asorbed.
If at this point you have
If at this point you have that kind of a relationship with your step kids, and you are ok doing this, go for it. As long as it isn't something you will resent doing and will backfire. Even if things change some day, this will be something good that you will have done and it will all be part of the math equation. I don't see anything wrong doing this if you feel like it. You certainly are not obligated and should not feel any pressure.
Agree! And when you are
Agree! And when you are teaching the skids to think about someone other than themselves. Your are shaping and building the character of a child that is your house all or some of the time.
This will benefit you and your household too!
Win! Win!
Yeah, it's always been about
Yeah, it's always been about the kids, not their BM. Since I help out with this, it gives the kids a good feeling of having a nice gift for their mom and it also reinforces to them that I have a good enough relationship with thier mom to help them do nice things for her. She and I would never be friends under any other circumstance and I fantasize about the day where I can tell her exactly how I feel about her parenting however, we get along well for the sake of the kids. Now I just have to come up with some good ideas for gifts this year!
I have just stopped doing
I have just stopped doing this as I now point blank refuse to spend my money on their BM. She never says thank you or even mentions the gift so I have stopped. SO is in agreement with me so it has ended.
I can't help either b/c I
I can't help either b/c I refuse to buy ANYTHING for yuckopotmus! she has been nothing but nasty to us I mean VERY nasty even to my kids.
i did try the first few years but she was just so nasty that I stopped.
But if you have a good relationship then go for it. What I did was took the boys to dollar tree and let them pick something out. I did not pick it out or put any effort into it I just paid.
That really is so sad. A
That really is so sad. A similar thing happened to me when my SD4 asked if she could call me mommy. Of course I knew it would infuriate her BM so my husband and I tried to explain that it would hurt her mom's feelings. SD4 did not understand at the time. However, when it came time for BM to remarry she made sure that the kids called her new husband Daddy. To this day, it still breaks my husband's heart. It's never easy being the one to do the right thing when you are faced daily with a self asorbed, entitled BM.