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Step son is difficult

plydirectrswife's picture

Submitted by plydirectrswife on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:38am

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Adult Stepchildren

I am in hopes that someone will have some information or a good idea for me. I have 3 stepsons. The 40 yr old and the 30 yr old are difficult to say the least. The 30 yr old attempted suicide in June. I am not sure if it was real or if it was an attempt to get his fathers attention.(that sounds cold but he has done it 3 times before) He is living with us now. Pays no Rent, dose no work around the house, dosn't even feed his dog. Anything I do is wrong, anything I post on FB is about him and anything I fix for dinner he refuses to eat and he is a pathalogical lier. I called him on some of this and he and my husband have been discussing it now for 2 hours. This child is unbearable. He had not spoken to us in 4 years, because his dad did not get permission to marry me. No I am not kidding!!
Is there anyone with a suggestion to help me with this 30 yr old child?

CDalla's picture

Submitted by CDalla on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:58am

Wow and I am struggling with an SD15. This puts it in perspective. I think these dads are massively guilty don't you? They are smart men and yet they allow this stuff to happen. I am sorry for you all and sorry that it sounds like he is one unhappy 30 year old but it is nothing to do with your parenting abilities. You have a right to peace and calm in your own house. He needs to move out and commit to getting some professional assistance!

wicked stepmom of the south's picture

Submitted by wicked stepmom ... on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:16am

At 30 years old, he is not a child. I have been a stepmom of 5 for 28 years. After the first 3 years I got tired of seeing my stepkids manipulate my husband and try to finish off what their now, deceased, addicted mother, started. You need to do what I did. Tell him you want both of you to go to counseling before you're feelings change about him....My husband was smart and said ok. He had no idea why I was so upset. The counselor asked him when his kids asked for something, did he ever consult with me. He said no. The counselor asked him, "Didn't he realize the decisions he and his kids made, also affect me, his wife?" He said he never thought about it that way...He was so use to being both mother and father and making all the decisions. The counselor told him, she thought I was pretty fed up and rightfully so and thought I was about to walk out the door. She said he needed to let his children (adult) know that we made the decisions together....and since he had been doing it so long, he would slip up from time to time and would need to say, Blank and I will talk about it and let you know.

Your husband needs a wakeup call and not from the son but from you. It sounds like you have been on the sidelines way too long and are considered an outsider in your own home with the adult stepson running the show. With the job market the way it is, who is going to hire you're stepson? So enroll him in a community college or trade school.Tell him to get a paper route or mow yards...anything to make him accountable....If he refuses, I'd show him the door or be walking out the door myself if no support from the husband.