Need a man's perspective
Hello guys.
I want your opinion on something and if there's a way to fix it or it's a total loss?
Anyways I met my bf online, he lived 1,800 miles away (different state). Over the course of 6 months we traveled back and forth to see each other. He later said e wants us to be closer because long distance relationships are expansive, so he offered for me to move. I have 2 children. At the time they were 4 and 5 years old. I ended up selling all my stuff, and moved with my kids in with him.
Everything has been great. My kids love him. He says they are great kids and compliments me on how well I have raised them. They are well behaved and do not disrespect him.
We have lived together for 2 years now. I have full custody of my children and their bio dad gets them
For 3 weeks during the summer. There is no drama.
Just a few days ago my bf told me he cannot go on like this... He loves me a lot and I am his perfect girl but he feels nothing for my kids. He said they didn't do anything, it's just he is fucked up in the head and old fashioned. He says he cannot see us a family that we are done.
I am devastated. I did not see this coming. He gave me no good reason, if anything he complemented my parenting and that the kids are great. They are now 8 and almost 7 and are deeply attached to him.
I am so confused. What would make a guy say this?
Then today he made dinner, bought the kids candy, and had them both help him
Set the table.
We still live together. He just broke up with me 4 days ago. He is being very nice.
We have never had any major issues besides him unable to bond with my kids for some reason.
WOW. I can tell you my
WOW. I can tell you my husband would say, "that's really fucked up" in response, but no idea why. Have you tried to ask him why or suggested you go to counseling so he and you can get to the bottom of this? Perhaps it's over, but then at least you'll have some reason, some closure. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'll be interested to see if anyone has some kind of insight to this.
I read this to my Dh and his
I read this to my Dh and his response is the following:
"messed up in the head. Doesnt want to make a commitment with the kids, doesnt want to raise someone else's kids. If I were you I would move out, your kids come first, man comes second."
Just writing what he said. Not my thoughts
I'm not a man, but it sounds
I'm not a man, but it sounds to me like he is using them as an excuse. :sick:
He has some type of issues,
He has some type of issues, is he bio polar? I'm only asking because after all that, seems like things are back to normal.
He doesn't talk much about
He doesn't talk much about his previous relationships. I know that before him and I got together he was single for 3 years. It was about 6 months after my divorce was finalized from my ex husband that I got into this relationship.
I doubt he is bipolar. He probably feels like he settled too soon. Today he told me he will watch my kids while I am going out with friends I haven't seen since we graduated high school
9 years ago who flew out here for a week vacation. He is giving me money. I am just so confused. I am still very much in love and emotionally attached to him.
He's told me that he is too young (29) to be with kids this old
He wants to get married, have a baby, just not with me because I have a ready made family. Then he tells me he cannot imagine me with someone else and asked me to promise him that I won't have sex with anyone (ever) lol.
I would understand if my kids were terrible or disrespectful, but they are not. They love him more than me for some reason.
Saffron5567- I am a very
Saffron5567-
I am a very spontaneous person...what to do? I love my kids very much. I would never put them in danger. They are happy and healthy. I moved here with the understanding that we will get married. He told me he wanted a life with me... He still does, just not with my kids.
Thank you everyone. Everyone
Thank you everyone. Everyone keeps saying I'll be okay and things will get better... I sure hope so... Last night I went out to this gorgeous restaurant that has live performances. There were people celebrating their birthdays and one lady turned 90. Her husband danced with her, and kissed her on the dance floor. It was so romantic, I actually broke down and cried. Some people are so lucky and blessed to have someone in their lives that loves them so pationately...
In regards to him getting back with me ever, he told me not to count on it. He said he will help with what ever I need but we are over.
I don't see anyone attractive, when guys flirt with me, it just turns me off. I don't know how to get over him. I went out with friends to the city, we had drinks, danced and then went to a lounge. I was fine until I saw couples dancing and I started missing him. Guys kept coming up, buying me drinks, trying to dance With me, but I would walk away... I cannot imagine another man touching me right now. I am so angry that I got so attached. How long does it take to get over someone?
My gut reaction...there's
My gut reaction...there's more too it. Seems there always is. But you'll be okay. Don't beat yourself up about it, because you need to be super strong for you and your kids, especially right now. You WILL find someone just perfect for you in time. No rush! How long does it take to get over someone? Funny, my girlfriend always says, "The easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone"
Partially true - it will get easier when you find someone who steals your heart - and don't get discouraged. It's so easy to. While you're still under the same roof, though, you can't move on.
I am a man, if that helps.
I am a man, if that helps. What an idiot! He knew what he was getting into and he let them get attached to him and now he's abandoning them. Those poor kids will feel forsaken.
I have a SD that adors me but my 19 year old SS hates my guts won't even talked to me and punched my 16 year old son, after my son tried to hug him on Thanksgiving. (it's been almost 2 years)
But I still care about my stepson and he's a good kid. I try to be kind to him and neutral cause it feels like he's scared of me. I'm sorry to say it seems that your bf is just a jerk who was using you
Tom
But my stepson is only 10 ,
But my stepson is only 10 , if you're punched by a 10 year old, or at least this one it's not exactly a violent event. Maybe punch isnt even the right word. More of a push/ hit, the bottom line is my son wasn't hurt, at least not physically.
I actually agree with what you said, generally, but there all always exceptions.
My SS is not taking this "blended family" thing well. He seems terrified of me. IMO the best thing I can do is wait for him to come to me (it has been 2 years though)
My 16 year old son is always trying to reach him, "do you wanna play video games, sports outside, see a movie, c'mon, pleeeeese" or try to make him laugh or smile. All to no avail.
My son is very popular at school, has lots of friends, so I don't know why he tries so hard?
I tell him to just let him be, he listens, but after a few months tries again.
As an only child, I don't understand sibling issues. All I had growing up we're my friends.
What would you do? In your opinion.
-Tom