ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!
SD5 JUST SHIT HER PANTS. For no reason at all. "I forgot to go potty." Are you kidding? She's been potty trained for 2 years, her room is 5 feet away from the bathroom, so it's not like she just couldn't get there in time. It's bad enough she still pees the bed almost EVERY night, but now this?
I don't know if she does it for attention or what. She's still in a toddler bed (plastic mattress), and will stay there until this stops. I finally put a stop to her crawling into bed with DH and I whenever she pees her own bed. He finally realized that it's rewarding her for not getting up to go, since she asks to sleep with him every night before bed.
She also threw a fit about cleaning up her own shitty underwear. REALLY? It's bad enough she can't do her own laundry, so DH and I are stuck washing her pissed on sheets and PJs, but we are NOT cleaning up her shit. I don't know how to deal with her. Her mother just puts her in pullups, no addressing of whatever the actual problem might be (medical, attitude, attention-seeking).
Her older brother is on the Autism Spectrum, so much of the resources of OUR house is going towards his extra needs (again because BM doesn't seem to care).
I'm at a loss with how to deal with this. For one I'm just super ticked off at the situation, but IT NEEDS TO STOP. Help?
At this point I'm almost not
At this point I'm almost not willing to be that lenient. There have been times that she's peed her bed, then come to ours and peed in it too! The same night. I'm lucky my mother lives close and has a washer/dryer that can accommodate the bedding of a queen size bed, because ours can't and I don't want to deal with the smell in my car/cost of taking that stuff to a laundromat.
To be honest part of it is that I don't like having the skids in the bed. They're not my kids, so even though dad doesn't mind it, it makes me uncomfortable. Along with the fact that once one kid is in, the other feels entitled to climb in, and then I get zero sleep.
But at 5 years old, the occasional times that I wet the bed, I got up, changed the bed, put the soiled stuff in the washer, and went back to MY bed. So that may be what she ends up doing. I'm not totally excluding medical reasons for this, but according to DH, she was almost totally dry at night until her brother was diagnosed with Autism and started getting more attention. This just irritates the crap out of me, and if DH won't back me up on this, I will start physically moving her back to her room. I've never seen kids that have so many problems sleeping in their own rooms/beds or staying dry.
It's actually common for a 5
It's actually common for a 5 yr old to wet the bed. Believe it or not, she's probably NOT doing it on purpose. You need to remember that allowing a 5 yr old to wash poop out of anything is going to end up with poop on her hands, all over everything she touches later, etc. It is very dangerous (for everyone) to ask a child who doesn't understand that to carry it out safely. If you were her mom, you would've just cleaned it up and figured out how to make sure it doesn't happen again. You would not be on here complaining about it. Let the dad clean it up and handle it if you can't deal with it. She obviously irritates you, but that doesn't mean you need to take it out on her.
Shitting her pants? She KNOWS
Shitting her pants? She KNOWS to go potty. She wasn't sleeping, she was playing in her room. She washed her hands after. Dad won't do it because it pisses him off too. There's no reason for it, and she had been dry at night. I said in my first post, I'm not completely ruling out medical reasons, but the timing for her starting to wet the bed again, and that it's 6 nights out of 7, if not EVERY night, is a little extreme for normal bedwetting. Maybe her mother would have just cleaned it up, but not without SCREAMING at her first, along with a spanking (that's the kind of parent her mother is). Personally, I think making her clean it is more constructive.
I am thinking attention in a
I am thinking attention in a way.. I have a SS7 and like yours his room is right across from the guest bathroom. He will be in his bedroom or in the living room or where ever in the house and shit his pants... he even does it at school!!!!! He pee's the bed, pee's his pants and says I forgot or I couldnt hold it... well apparently you were either holding it till you couldn't anymore or you just let it go. We have yelled, fussed, made him clean it up, and gagged along the way and nothing helps. We think it is for attention cause he just started doing it here lately.. might I add he was 5 when I came along and at that time my DH still wiped his ass when he would poop in the toilet then holler "Dadda".. (he still baby talks)... I called DH out on it that 5 was a little old to still be wiping is butt!.. I mean does he poop at school then holler "teacher!!" lol.. NOOOO so why do it at home?
I am with you on all of the
I am with you on all of the cleaning it up, as much as I would be upset and fed up I would make sure I watched her and helped to make sure it did not get every where. Once she is done cleaning her self up and the undies, I would then go to the next step make her get her sheets and put them in the washer and make her put the clean sheets back on the bed. Or just let her father do it. Tell him you are sick of cleaning up after his child and make him do it. I would not let her sleep in my bed. I don't let my BD8 sleep in the bed with DH and me, nor does our 2 year old. If for some reason scared/sick/ what ever and they don't want to sleep in their own bed then they sleep on the floor in our room on blankets. I know kids at all ages will have accidents, but if it is happening ever night then cut her drinking out early until she can go all night with out wetting the bed.
I'm not sure fluid
I'm not sure fluid restriction will work. We make her go potty before bed, and have tried to wake her up at 1am to go again, and she's still peed before morning. She can also get a drink of water out of the sink if she wants to. Unfortunately she's not tall enough to reach the top of the washer (her mom is tiny)
I don't know that she's
I don't know that she's self-conscious about it. (I do understand your point). She'll have the neighbor over, and without the slightest hint of embarrassment, tell him, "we can't play in my room, I peed the bed last night." Our problem with goodnights is that they do nothing to address the problem. And they can get expensive, we're already buying diapers for our 8mo old BD. If she showed some sign of being embarrassed about it or wanting to stop, I'd start finding some money for a bedwetting alarm, but so far she doesn't care. Maybe when she starts wanting to go to sleepovers when she gets older that will change, but until she WANTS to change it there isn't much I can do other than have her clean up after herself so I don't get so ticked off about it (I know that sounds bad, but the less irritated I get, the better I'm able to be the nice understanding stepmom)
OMG speaking of PEE!!! My
OMG speaking of PEE!!! My SS7 will pee in the floor in the bathroom, actually he will pee on my bathrug that is around the toilet. I would clean the bathroom and still smell pee.. I would bleach the toilet, still smell pee... I finally picked up the rug and yep there on the back were the stains and still wet floor under it.. how did I not notice the wet rug?.. I have the masterbath, I dont "use" the guestbath. Soooo I told DH, he said maybe he missed???? Missed? Your kidding right.. I can see a sprinkle missing but not enough to make the underneath of the rug wet and have multiple stains!!!! Sooo I threw the rug away, now it will be easy to spot a puddle!... so now without a rug to pee on maybe it will stop.. WRONG!!!.. I still smell PEE when SS is here, I clean the sink, floor, toilet, empty the trash... still smell pee!!!... THE TUB!!!! he is now peeing in the tub! OMG!!! WHY!!!!! SS has went to mothers for the week so I bleach the tub!.. ahhhh no pee smell.. SS returns and DH has a llllooooonnnggg talk with him cause now he sees/smells it was not a sprinkle of an accident.. SS excuse.. I couldnt make it to the toilet.. HELLO! the toilet is BEFORE the tub! Dont give me that shit, he knew exactly what he was doing!
I would have her help in
I would have her help in cleaning the mess up. My SS12 who is on the Autism Spectrum (thanks to my pushing with DH's help to have testing done, ordered by the court because of BM would not agree to test) wets the bed every night. With my persistence with DH, he is in charge of washing his sheets and pj's everyday, drying them and then remaking his bed. He is interrupted during play, watching tv or movie to take care of his responsibilities. I refuse to touch any of it, it's disgusting :sick:
I would also bring skid to the Dr. and find out if this is physical and if it's not, then it's emotional/ mental.I would seek counceling and if the parents are not on board with you, then let them deal and you keep your hands clean from all of it.
She shouldn't be stuck
She shouldn't be stuck cleaning or supervising....dad should be.
I've long since stopped
I've long since stopped stripping her bed, touching ANY clothes in her room (just in case). It's her responsibility to take ALL her dirty clothes, bedding, whatever, into the laundry room. She throws a tantrum that shakes the house just doing that. Her dad gets super pissed at her fits when they last long enough, and no matter what I say he will still get pissed and yell at her. Eventually he just does it because he's sick of the whining. Her mother is the same way. I can only do so much as far as discipline when her dad doesn't back me up. I would LOVE to do as you suggest, but I can't do it alone, and even when I try I'm being "mean" and too hard on her.
"It makes matters worse when
"It makes matters worse when parents yell and scream at their children for what they do in their deep sleep," Shubin says.
And some parents still believe that bed-wetting is the child's fault. In fact, the NKF estimates that 35% of bed-wetters are punished by their parents for wetting the bed and that's the worst possible response.
Stanford's Greene agrees: "Many parents feel like it's their fault or their kids fault or that their kid is lazy and children often feel very guilty and ashamed and what this leads to is punishment and that only makes bed-wetting worse."
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=47923
I know it could be medical. I
I know it could be medical. I do my best not to yell at her as much as it frustrates me. But IMO she's old enough to be responsible for her own room, her own bed. If having her clean up after herself changes her behavior, awesome. If not, at least it lessens the irritation for me and I can be a little nicer to her.
However, one reason that I don't think its medical is that she will pee, and then within 2 minutes if not a few seconds, she's in our room asking to sleep with us. If she was sleeping light enough to get up that soon after, then there should be nothing stopping her from going to the bathroom.
This is a very delicate
This is a very delicate issue. If you and your DH shame her, you will be adding to her problems, and making things worse. To make her clean up after herself at her age is unreasonable. Her DAD should help her. Her DAD needs to be the one working with her, not you. It's his daughter, and she needs her father to help her, not pushing it off onto you.
If she is under a lot of EMOTIONAL stress, this can cause her to do this - despite her being "old enough to know better." You may not see how she can be under stress, but try and see the situation from a 5 year olds perspective. She does not have the emotional maturity, nor the experience to help her deal with her mother, her father, you, and all the other people and things going on in her young life.
My sons urologist says it helps if you do not give kids any liquids after seven at night. I assume she goes to bed at 8 or 9 PM, then she won't have a full bladder and thus have an accident. My son was also a VERY sound sleeper, and would not wake up so he would wet his bed.
If this little girl is having problem with her bowels while she is awake, her DAD should have her checked out with a specialist. It sounds like the MOM isn't going to do it - this little girl is caught in the middle of a power struggle between her mother and her dad. They BOTH need to GROW UP! I imagine there are other areas where the mom and dad do the same thing, not just this issue.
I would highly recommend you step back and tell your DH to get with it and HELP his little girl - especially if the mother won't.
Good luck.
All possible
:jawdrop:
All possible medical/mental/emotional issues aside, the original post made me laugh.