I should be more understanding of BM
SS34 (ex con, on the lam from law, probably murderer, prison gang member - get the picture?)is terminally ill which is sad for anyone even him.
DH calls BM (aka warthog) for an update. She does not want to waste her $1/minute cell minutes ($1 a minute???) so asks to text which he does not have on his cell. It is arranged for me to text her and she will respond (I was standing next to DH so this was almost a 3 way conversation).
Her response to a text I sent maybe 10 seconds later was - who are you and why are you asking? I replied with DH's full name, ex-husband. Total vitriol spews from her about who I am. I rise to the occasion to match her bitchiness and reply "I am sorry I offended but YOU requested me to text so you would not have to waste $1 a minute on your terminally ill son."
No reply which I am thankful for as I do not want this woman in my life even by texting.
This was almost a year ago. DH says that I should be more understanding and to look at it from her perspective. She had just found out that her son had anal cancer that had spread to the liver. And that she had no idea who I was (she and dh do not commicate so she had no idea I existed) or how I fit in his life.
Yes it was terrible news for her - but guess what "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER", She is truly nothing to me. I don't wish her ill but not really concerned about her little feelings. Why would I care if she is hurting?
But it turns out her real issue is not knowing who I was or what I mean to DH. And to this I say - "Whore bitch who cannot stop spreading your legs for ONSs - you have NO place in my life. I do not owe you an explanation of how your ex and I love each other or how we met. You are too old to get pg again so you will never have him back no matter how hard you try - that's the only reason he married you twice - you kept getting knocked up." Enjoy your current ex heroin addict husband. You and dh have been divorced for almost twenty years!
DH does not have any kind of a relationship with her (I'd deball him if he did), but SS24 has given some feedback on how his mother feels. DH always defends her (I think because he is down deep embarrassed that he was married to a whore - so we must protest that she is not a whore.)
He really thinks that I should cut her some slack because of what is going on in her life. Why? To be a better person? Whoa I can be bitch of the century and still be a better person than she is.
It is so LIBERATING not to worry that I am not being "nice". Now if this were a relative or friend that I cared about I would tolerate almost anything because of what they are going thru. I'll be honest - part of me is thrilled that I pissed her off. Don't snap at me - I bite back.
No parent should have to bury
No parent should have to bury their child.
I think parents who don't
I think parents who don't screw up their and their children's life shouldn't have to bury their child. Everyone else--you reap what you sow.
Kudos, anything more than being civil is not necessary, but you have a right to defend yourself if attacked. I wouldn't be sympathetic in your shoes either. I am waiting for the day BM tries anything with me, not only will I give her a piece of my mind, FDH will be ten times worse.
Id have to say, maybe cut her
Id have to say, maybe cut her some slack. Not saying invite her over for tea or anything, but stress like that can make people irrational. As bad as loosing my little brother was for me, having to watch what my mom went through was absolutely heart wrenching. It's been six years and she still has times where she breaks down.
Just let it be water under the bridge if/when you have to deal with her next.
I totally agree that no one
I totally agree that no one should have to bury their child. A couple of my friends have lost young adult children - only children too. So sad. Beyond sad - tragic.
On an objective basis I can be sorry for her - but I refuse to let her use this (she basically tossed him out at 15 and wasn't exactly moty - went years with no contact) against me.
My other issue is that she is excluding DH from this completely. DH and SS are estranged (as were BM and SS too). Now that she is in contact she is working to keep DH out. I doubt if we will know of the funeral until it is over.
The other issue I am furious with her about is SS24 who has also had his share of problems but is basically a sweet boy who suffered at the hands of all his parents and steps (I was not in picture until he was an adult). She also tossed him out at 15 as she found her drug addict husband. She has an education, a great job, a house that is paid for and tons of savings - good for her but it really PISSES me off that she think I should pay for SS24 to go see his brother. DH was taken to cleaners by both of his exes (such an enabler) so the money is mine.