Would you suspect inappropriate sexual relationship between SO and SD?

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I don't want to. But several things make me wonder. SD is fifteen. Lived alone with dad for a few months before I came along, and plays a very odd role with him.

1) She demands alone time with him weekly. He wants this time also. It is not like a quick ice cream or a movie on TV. this is a DATE. An expensive dinner is demanded. They spend three to four hours out, unavailable by phone. They come back very...touchy with each other.

2) Generally they are very touchy. SD will stand as close to SO as I would. She will drape herself on him, demand backrubs in her room with door closed, wear almost nothing in front of him.

3) When SD sees us be physical at all she is obviously jealous - to the point of throwing a fit. She has also called (from within the house) or knocked on our door when we were making love, and SO gets up and goes to her. Even if he is inside my body.

4) SD dresses very slutty. This is normal at her age, but abnormal is SO's reaction. He thinks it is "cute" when she wears slutty body baring things. He compliments her figure and has her model for him. She constantly wants him to shop with her, and walks around very seductively in her clothes for him. She insists on victoria's secret for underwear and bras, and he complies - and takes her to get them, helping her pick underwear and bras and even checking them out when she is in the dressing room.

5) I almost hesitate to put this because it is very ... TMI. SD has confessed to my daughters that she is a "backdoor whore" meaning she loves anal. SO is very into anal also. This is just a bit too odd to me. SD confession was made at FOURTEEN. Do fourteen year olds routinely even do anal?

6) SD's big desire, confessed to SO over and over, is tha the and she move out and be alone together somewhere. She expresses this to everyone. She calls me his rebound woman and our baby to be is a bastard. She has told everyone including SO that she wants to break us up an dhave her dad alone. This is nothing he denies - or does anything about.

7) SO and SD were in therapy...until the counselor told SO SD behavior major Electra complex and her fixation on him not normal. He quit them going after that. he denies to me that any of the above is odd.

I'd like some perspective here. I feel like a paranoid freak - but I also fear there is something to my paranoia. Anyone see the above as signs that someething inappropriate is happening sexually? Or is it something else? OR, am I totally off and all that is normal, close Father/daughter stuff?

Wow, it definitely sounds

Wow, it definitely sounds weird. I would definitely have to investigate further (not sure how!)
The behaviour is certainly not normal in my opinion.

How do you feel about him

How do you feel about him knowing what you think you know? When the two of you are together, does he have you call him daddy during sex, tell you you are such a good little girl? Does he pick out porn that has women that resemble his daughter? Or even watch ones with young-looking or styled porn stars?

I so agree with Foxie!

Ditto.

Someone tell me which thing

Someone tell me which thing is the biggest giveaway, so I can investigate further. Because I am scared.

To be honest? I went back and

To be honest? I went back and read over it. ALL of it is weird, and dysfunctional. Were they this way when you were dating?? How did you even get him to marry you, with this obvious fascination he has with his daughter?

ALL.OF.IT. If my DH EVER took

ALL.OF.IT.

If my DH EVER took his DICK out of MY BODY because his KIDS were wanting his attention?? Can you say, Lorena Bobbitt, anyone?

Does he act defensive at all?

Does he act defensive at all? Like he may be afraid of getting caught or like he needs to cover his trail? Anything? Because if he's not nervous AT ALL? IDK. He obviously knows the law and knows the difference between right and wrong...doesn't he?

After reading this, I am

After reading this, I am seriously worried about the situation with you having a child with this man. You are not crazy. This is not normal. I have a 15 year old, and this makes me sick to my stomach.
I REPEAT-this is NOT normal. There is something sexual going on here, and you need to get out. And document everything, because seriously? I would not want that man near my children.

Creep meter off the charts,

Creep meter off the charts, indeed!

I gotta say I agree with

I gotta say I agree with Foxie, this sounds positively incestual. Id maybe try and gather more evidence and then if you do find out its true take it to the cops. This behaviour sounds perverted and I would be scared for your baby. Your partner sounds like a bit of a paedo, that sh*t is f*cked up

No, it's not normal. It's

No, it's not normal. It's freaking bizarre, and there is no way I'd have my own kid around these people.

I doubt there's an active

I doubt there's an active sexual relationship, BUT...she definitely is watching him for signals. She is playing him like a tune. If backdoor action is his thing, he may have pulled something up on the computer, or even had some inappropriate conversations with her. She may have even inquired as to what he likes. He may have been taken back by her question, and actually answered her. Stranger things have happened. Girls become fixated on their fathers all the time. Mine act flirty to my husband and try like to work him over everyday. If young girls and their dad's are in a spot where one of them is leaning forward too much and no ones around to correct the behavior, uh hum someone straight, give an unapproving look or whatever, then who knows what could happen. I mean my girls don't go around flaunting in front of him. EVER! So, maybe these two, left alone for too long and at the wrong time in her life, pushed the envelope a little. And maybe she took it very seriously.

That still doesn't excuse his

That still doesn't excuse his behavior. Just because she is acting that way is not an explanation for the way he is behaving. Nuh uh. There is more to this than a teenager flirting with dad.

If the relationship is not

If the relationship is not sexual, it sounds like covert (aka emotional) incest to me.

Thanks ladies. I feel weird

Thanks ladies. I feel weird saying thanks, but he has really put me DOWN for even suggesting this is not normal. The demands for alone time and his weird drive for it have gotten to be so much that I resent even seeing her in the house. She was fine when we were dating, but, now that I think back, if we had weekends alone an dshe was with mom she would claim mom was drunk or some other thing and dad would ahve to rescue her and take me home. She was so upset that it was me, not her, that cared for him afte rhis surgery, that she faked mom being drunk, snuck out of the house, and came home to be with her daddddyyyy. She wanted me to leave then!

She sits around the house all day every day and the only time she is happy is when she causes a fight between us. He, meanwhile, is upset when she is unhappy and works to get her happy all the time. BTW time "alone" means alone. He took her and her sister (21) out for dinner one night and she demanded ADDITIONAL alone time beyond that, because she wants just him and her. That was when I stopped thinking this was normal kid of divorce feeling abandoned. I have told him ove ran dover that room doors in my house stay open, periiod - no closing doors for privacy with the opposite sex. he says I am being ridiculous and he and his daughter are close and privacy is normal.

I should have confronted it before this, but truly he has been so defensive of their "close relationship" that I have thought I was being a paranoid preggo. They haven't had any "alone time" in weeks due to my careful planning, and the result has been lots of tension from both of them at me. She is now demanding that I be discluded from things like going to the gym or dropping her off or picking her up at events...and he says he will comply sometimes because they need time just them. And shuts me down when I say that is weird.

I know. I keep thinking of

I know. I keep thinking of this post and wanting to PUKE, myself.

I know, but man does he show

I know, but man does he show any signs of guilt? Thats my question. If his daughter pushed the relationship in this direction and he is wanting to think it's normal, he may not really know what to do. I mean shit, imagine if your freakin' kid was coming on to you? Do you want to be forced to confront them? Seriously, it would be so hard. It's easier to tell yourself that it's normal. If they went to counseling he really isn't hiding anything. That's the thing, he's not trying to cover, at all.

But yeah, it's still really freakin' sick.

Get thee into counseling,

Get thee into counseling, post haste. If he will go, GREAT! If not, you need to get your own validation and be able to decide for yourself what your future will hold.

it's not normal by my

it's not normal by my standards! even if there is nothing sexual going on, they have an unnatural attraction to each other. i would be getting the hell out of there, especially if your baby to be is a girl.

How on earth does a (then)

How on earth does a (then) 14yo even KNOW what anal is? This is beyond the pale. Just thinking about your baby being a girl is making me want to scrub myself with a stiff brush. If I was in your shoes he'd be eating my dust, but if you want confirmation, why don't you follow them on one of their little dates, and spy on them? I'm sorry for your situation dear, but you need to hotfoot it away from these wierdos toot sweet, before your baby is born. Double barf.

I was wondering the same

I was wondering the same thing!! I mean I know they start early but geez anal sex at 14!! and this is daddy's fav way also!! NOT NORMAL!!

That is not normal. In no way

That is not normal. In no way shape or form. No way. I would let them have their alone time and I would be doing everything I could do to "catch" them. There is something going on there. They both need to be in therapy. If I were you, either he would cut that alone time crap out or I would leave. No way in hell would he be around my baby. NOT NORMAL!! You are not crazy, he is. Usually when someone is defensive when you accuse them of something they have something to hide. If you have the money get a private investigator.

A private investigator is a

A private investigator is a perfect idea. It actually might not cost you that much. And they would take pics and such for you to have proof if you did need to turn this over to CPS.
I have daughters, 23 & 19....and at NO time in their life has their father commented on their underwear or checked them out in it.
That is not a normal reaction from the father or the daughter that you are dealing with.
You might even need to get yourself into counseling so that you can deal with what has happened.
And who stops having sex with their wife to leave and go check on their teenager? Really, I hate to be graphic but... things are "up in the air"for a man when you stop in the middle and walk in the other room?? Like weird weird weird! It takes my bf time to even pee if we get interrupted much less put on pants and walk in another room to talk to someone!
This is not right.

My BF/DH would only stop one

My BF/DH would only stop one time during sex to go see what his daughter needed. She would have to be needing 911 before that would ever be acceptable!!! He would never get the chance to have sex with me again ever!!!

my ex used to get up during

my ex used to get up during sex to answer the door for his stupid friends. when i got on him about it, he told me it was rude to not answer the door. like it's not rude to get up in the middle of it and just leave me there. f'g idiot. i'm sure his intelligence has much to do with why he's 40 and can't even keep a gf, much less have a real adult life.

You should be posting about

You should be posting about this teenager and another teenager boy....not her Dad. I was a daughter, had a daughter and a SD. This is sick.

To this day, I would be

To this day, I would be mortified if my father saw me in my underwear, and there is no way in hell I would ask him to evaluate how i looked in sexy lingerie.

This is not normal. You are uncomfortable and freaked out for a VERY GOOD REASON.

They are both demanding alone time because they know what they are doing is wrong and that you will call the cops if you find out they have a sexual relationship.

If you need more verification, then get a nanny cam and put it in her room or your room or in the car or wherever it is they are spending their "alone" time.

Someone else suggested that you should leave and say you're going to be gone for several hours and then come back right away. Do it.

Another poster also suggested that you follow them on one of their dates. Do it.

You need to find out exactly what's going on and that get the hell out of there. You do not want you kid growing up with either of these individuals. Just the fact that SD told your daughter about prefering anal sex is enough to show you these are not people you want your baby around.

Even without the incest, your DH and SD have created a totally miserable living circumstance that will not be fair to the new baby--not to mention you.

I tend to roll my eyes when

I tend to roll my eyes when SMs complain about the relationship between their SDs and SOs.

Not this time.

Reading this turned my stomach.

You have daughters to think about. No way would I want that man or his daughter around my kids.

OMG Am in shock reading

OMG :jawdrop: Am in shock reading this!

Really hope you and your baby are ok, and tbh I think your OH needs a kick in the goolies for putting you through this because its little wonder you have had a trip to ER with all the stress this is putting you and your unborn baby through.

Personally I would rethink the whole moving her out suggestion from your OH. Your OH and sd have lots of work ahead to undo the damage - if possible - that your OH has done in bringing his daughter up to think she is his partner. Its going to be HARD work and if I am honest, she is 15 so this behaviour is now deep rooted and possibly something that cant be undone at all. I appreciate you dont want to consider that your child could also be in danger from your sd, but imo he may be. You mention that your sd is going to be more jealous due to the sex, hell more jealous than she already is? The signs are there that she will do anything for daddy's attention - interupting you having sex? Listening to you having sex? Parading naked in front of her father in underwear?!! Saying the baby is a bastard and you a whore, and your OH doesnt say anything?!! :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :sick:

OMG. I wouldnt want her around my ds, shes damaged goods and all thanks to your OH. God knows what he will allow her to do/act like when baby is born - because she will go ALL out because 1) daddy is not falling temporary for her usual ploys 2) when she finds out its a boy....when people feel their control slipping, they dont retract their claws in that person. Nope, they escalate their behaviour, they get desperate and dangerous and I am guessing your OH will fall for it. After all, he has done so for 15 years and doesnt believe he has done anything wrong - well he has, he has damaged and abused his daughter by treating her like his girlfriend!

Your OH needs specialist therpay and so does your sd (seperately), and you need to be away from the catalyst - your sd, because you come first what with you being heavily pregnant.

Personally I think your OH needs to go away and figure this out because I wouldnt want him repeating his mistakes on your child.

BTW how they interact is sick sick sick. Some privacy is acceptable, but not for that type of thing. Teenage females do test out their sexuality on their father, but usually its limited to small flirting, mild attention seeking however this goes WAAAAY beyond that realm.

What do friends and family say about how he and sd behave with one another? Surely someone else has commented on how inapproriate and vile it is?!!

Right I am going to say

Right I am going to say something I VERY rarely say, but YOU own this house so kick him out.

I appreciate you love him, are having a child with him and are in a committed relationship with him - but your feelings are NOT reciprocated at the level it should be given you are together/having a new baby. Right now you have zero leverage over him, he is not going to change ALL his actions is telling you that. Hell HE is telling you that and things are about to get worse once your baby boy is born! As you cant be everywhere watching sd like a hawk and actually nor should you! Your OH is not taking you seriously, these messages to the therapist is just him doing the absolute bare minimum to shut you up. Hes not going to follow through and even if he does, it doesnt actually resolve the main issue - him. Instead he is blaming his daughter, who is 15 ffs. Yes, shes a little b*tch but WHY is she this way? Because of her parents! He is that sick he is using his daughter as the scapegoat to go unpunished for his awful, abusive parenting. Yep, sd needs counselling but how the hell she sd going to actually heal/get better when he dad will continue as always. Its like sticking a tiny plaster on an amputated limb! Its insanity and its pointless. So therapist says x, and then dad continues as he always done except now he and sd will collude and hide what they are doing from everyone. They will do anything not to change and lying is the least of it imo.

The example this will set for your DS is appalling as he will think its normal for a father to treat his daughter this way, and once hes older he likely will repeat the same mistakes. Like hell do you want that to happen.

As I said, you need to force his hand. Appreciate you shouldnt have to, but atm you are trying to do this and not succeeding. I think this is because your OH has no real motivation to change - he has professionals telling him this is toxic for sd and sick, so he withdraws but vocally tells you that he's ignoring what they are telling him(said he would disregard info/POV he disagrees with). So imo his plan is to sit tight through this rough patch and then carry on as he always done, except he will hide it from everyone. Your leverage is you and your baby. Make him bloody work for your relationship on the proviso he changes. The only way to do this imo is to ask him to leave. Doesnt mean you are broken up,but does mean he doesnt get his cake and eat it i.e. living with you, seeing you and doing what he wants with your sd.

That way you dont have to see sd, ok you dont want to give her what she wants - but shes getting that anyway and all you are doing is joining the nightmare ride with them! Plus you get to see if your bf is willing to work/fight for you and ds, and you dont get all that extra slog when you have had your child - now you may think you will have more work if bf isnt living with you however I think you will be better off than this daily torture. I would reduce contact with him too, because if you carry on as normal except the living part your bf will continue to be rewarded for being so damn selfish!

Although this stuff you have

Although this stuff you have observed seems very inappropriate and maybe beyond...check out these articles.

http://debrakaplancounseling.com/articles/emotional-incest/

http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/10/22/princesses-princes-daughters-and-...

Any good therapist will already know the term "emotional incest" which is DEFINITELY going on. I agree with most posts that this is beyond creepy.

All I can say is GROSS! My

All I can say is GROSS! :sick:
My dad and I never acted like that with each other. Never.

Yes. Need to set up the

Yes. Need to set up the nanny cam in the bedroom. If this going on you should have the answer soon.

Totally agree with the nanny

Totally agree with the nanny cam - both in her bedroom and in the livingroom. I would also try to get a good look at any texts they send each other. I would NOT mention any of this to anyone in real life though until you have absolute solid proof. If you are wrong and it is just the case of a crazy girl who dad doesn't know how to handle, you will have absolutely ruined your marriage and his reputation - people don't forget accusations like that!!!!

Bottome line - stay calm and take action. Do not rest until you get to the bottom of this.

Keep us updated on what you

Keep us updated on what you find out. I have to say I'm intrigued to see how it turns out.

Got his phone. She sends him

Got his phone. She sends him texts of herself in various outfits wanting his opinion on what to wear. Very suggestive. One in a towel to show her "hairdo." The other day she called him into her room to rub her back - wearing jsut a towel. I put my foot down and said, no. That is not appropriate, when he tried to close the door. He complied but then came in and told me I was being ridiculous and telling him he can't have a private relationship with his daughter.

Valentine's night we had his grandchild, and his daughter begged him for time alone that night. He started to do it, sit on couch with arm around her, leaving me with a screaming baby and a sore mouth (root canal that day). SD had said she wanted jsut him and her and that meant no baby. I got disgusted, went downstairs, handed him the kid, and said, "YOu are making a bad choice here. I'm going out,." She smirked at me. I went to sit in the car. Ten minutes later he came out to "talk" - but the whole time he was worried about "poor daughter" who would feel abandoned and left with the baby. I told him straight up, this is not right and your priority cannot be dating your child. He looked stunned. I asked him how it was normal for a fifteen year old to want a back rub half naked from her father, and how it was appropriate for him to comply. I also told him if his priority on Valentine's day is his kid and not his wife, to the exclusion of his own grandchild, then he needs to find princess and himself new digs. We kissed, and we were there for a bit, and his other daughter came and got the baby. Just as we got out of the car she was coming out and told us we were gros smaking out in the car (we weren't, but it probably looked like it to a young adult?). She said she had told SD we were out there making out.

Sure enough we went in and SD was fuming mad. Called dad from her room, interrupting our sex again. This time he did NOT answer. She then came and knocked. He started to answer. I said, don't even think about it. He told her he would see her in the morning, and didn't move. She stood there LISTENING to us, then finally stomped off mad. She has not spoken to me since, and she tried again to get him to "hang out" with her last night, again when we were in bed together, almost asleep. This time he told her all on his own that he was in bed and he would see her on the drive to school.

So, there is some progress and some investigation. I have been carefully crafting some info for him, showing him my research on emotional incest under the guise of look what I heard about at work. He was very very silent. I also called social services and made a report, adn they contacted him already. I described this stuff to the hotline person and they were more than a little concerned. Whatever is happening, I will not stop till it is known.

The next step is the nanny cam, in her room and in the living room. She will be the only kid here this weekend and sick as my stomach is ove rthis, I think I will be gone alot. See what happens. I suspect if they are at anything bad it will happen then, since she has gotten no satisfaction in days in terms of getting him alone. In a way I feel almost cruel denying them their private alone time - but I think taht is something I have been tricked into feeling. it is NOT normal for a fifteen year old to need this much TOTALLY alone with dad time. I mean the baby not being allowed to sit with them was a real big obvious sign to me.

So that's where we are now. I am goign into the weekend with a heavy heart but a need to know. I got an ultrasound - baby is a boy. SD has no idea, and I know she will go insane when she does, because her usual line to me is, dad won't stick around when that baby is a girl, and I will laugh. She believes her dad wants a boy really bad. So I went to find out all by myself, and neither he nor she know yet. I need to start protecting my own people first.

Please feel free to tell me if I sound way over the edge. I dont' want to be one of "those" women who can't let a dad parent. But I don't think this is right, any of it.

That is some seriously

That is some seriously jealous "other woman" behavior and it certainly gives credence to your suspicions! Hope you are doing well and are not too bored on bed rest. Please try not to let this stress you out too much. There is nothing you can do at the moment that you have not already done. Relax and take care of yourself and the baby!

http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2

http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/10/22/princesses-princes-daughters-and-...

Its not right. You are not one of those women.

you do not sound over the

you do not sound over the edge at all -- you are so spot on! I agree with every one of the other posters. This relationship between your husband and his daughter is unhealthy and incestuous. To be quite honest I hope that they aren't doing anything physically sexual and its emotional only -- which is what you already know and good for you for reporting it and taking care of your family.

Your gut instinct is right on. I hope and pray the best for you and your baby.

As someone with professional

As someone with professional experience in this area, I can assure you that sexual abuse is not limited to intercourse. Sexual looks,actions, and expressions are also abuse. You knew there was a problem or you wouldn't have posted. Now act on it immediately to help that girl resolve these issues before she grows up. Call CPS or put her or you in counseling and report it, the counselor will guide you.

I did call DFS.

I think you are doing the

I think you are doing the right thing. You are not over the edge at all. That relationship is not normal, no way, no how. I understand not wanting to cause problems if there are none, but there are problems with them. Even if they are not having sexual intercourse, it is way over the line.

They contacted him. He has

They contacted him. He has so far avoided their calls after they dropped in and inteviewed us all. I plan to call the worker again today because...

This weekend I was on bedrest. Told to have an adult with me at all times. He was told this. Chose to go have daddy time alone. Promised he would be gone an hour. I heard him tell her the same.

One hour elapsed. Not back. I started to bleed. called. no answer. Then he texted taht they were "jsut sitting down to lunch" at Applebee's. I said, COME HOME NOW. He didn't. I drove myself to ER. he did take her home and follow me, but i didn't let him in. He texted from waiting room but I handled my issues on my own. During his texting I made clear - she goes to mom half the week, and no more alone time, or he should move out. he agreed.

When I came out he insisted i ride with him home. I complied and reiterated new rules. he got hysterical, said I was all about me me me, and pulled into a side street to take me back to ER saying he was moving out with her.
I got out of the car at a stop sign, slammed the door, and said, fuck off, you are dating your daughte ryou pervert. He stopped the car, sat there, and then came after me. It was very harrowing.

I spoke to him, then he drove me to get my meds. I told him very calmly that not only had he now betrayed me and our unbiorn child, but if somehting weird IS NOT going on, it sure seems that way, and frankly he is doing his child harm playing along. I told him I called DFS and will be calling them in again, on this informatino and also on the info that my daughter gave me (stepdaughter swigged a whole bottle of vodka from our fridge ove rthe course of a few days).

Somethign MAY have clicked. he said he would move her out. I said, no, but you will now comply with having her spend half weeks with her mom, and furhter, no more time alone. No more privacy and no more sit down meals alone. no more excluding me and showing her that you will do so. Whether it is innocent or not I don't know but either way it is not ok. He agreed to it. Sent daughter to her mom's after we jointly talked to her and told her we knew about vodka. she protested and had the whole daddy daddy daddy I need to talk to you alone...THIS time he said harshly, no. You will ghear from us about punishment but for right now you need to spend some time away.

he still does not take any responsibility or say he did any wrong, including going back on his "one hour" promise...Nor do I know what was done in that time. I am stumped. But will be calling the DFS worker.

I have been on bedrest since

I have been on bedrest since then. Should be off tomorrow, if no more bleeding. He has been perfect since the fight. BUT - she has not been here at all. I vetoed her coming home tonight, she asked to stay with mom and I forced him to agree. He wanted to go get her after work, but no way am I going for that. To me that is more "alone time" and at this point ANY of that is sketch. I can't be sure when he would get her versus when he woudl get here. No telling what she would NEED daddddyyy to do. Maybe need to suck his dick.
I'm sorry, but I am in a very pissed off frame about all of this. How dare he>? yet, I dare not revisit the incident and his choices because I guarantee he will jump my ass.

I'm so sorry for everything

I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I hope things change for you for the better. Where is her BM? Does you DH have custody of SD? Or is this a joint custody agreement? Have you every thought of speaking with her BM about the issue? Also, you said she has an older sister, have you spoken to her about it? Does anyone else see what's going on and find it weird on his side of the family?

Sorry for all the questions, but I wonder if talking to the BM would help? I know my SD acting in a manner that was odd towards her father, nothing like what you are going thru but still enough that it was becoming unhealthy and beyond simple flirting. I was able to speak with her mother about it which put some insight on the situation. I pray that things get better for you and congrats on the baby boy.

I read this when you first

I read this when you first posted and was wondering how things were going. I also asked my DH his opinion (to see if it would appear different to a father w/ a daughter) and he agreed that their relationship is inappropriate.

I hope that the bedrest helps prevent anymore issues. If you don't mind me asking, how far along are you? I've miscarried at 11 weeks and if my DH EVER thought to finish his lunch while I was bleeding and pregnant in the ER, I'd throttle him and then kick him out the door! You have every right to be pissed off about the entire situation IMO. Your DH needs to get his priorities straight- pregnant wife with an emergency is more important than icky dates with daughter

18 weeks. So, just on the

18 weeks. So, just on the cusp of viability. But scary for the next six weeks. And you KNOW she is hoping for a miscarriage. She has said as much.

That's disgusting (her obvi).

I hope the next 22 weeks go smoothly for you pregnancy wise and your DH pulls his head out of his bum!

OMG Am in shock reading this!

OMG Am in shock reading this! :jawdrop: :sick:

Your OH needs specialist therpay and so does your sd (seperately), and you need to be away from the catalyst - your sd, because you come first what with you being heavily pregnant.

Personally I think your OH needs to go away and figure this out because I wouldnt want him repeating his mistakes on your child.

What do friends and family say about how he and sd behave with one another? Surely someone else has commented on how inapproriate and vile it is?!!

All excellent questions. I

All excellent questions. I hope we hear the answers soon...

1. He claims to be too busy

1. He claims to be too busy to call them back; he also has said he won't follow a therapist's advice if he doesn't agree with it.
2. BM is in and out of the picture at SD's will - which my DH follows the tune of. BM is a drunk in some recovery now, and SD holds all the cards to when she will and won't see her, so BM knows only what SD allows her to know.
3. SD 21 has a strained relationship with dad. He does not do the things for her that he does for SD 15. She lives her own life, much of it her own choice, but also lived in a car for months with no help from either parent,. She is independent and often calls her sister a brat, but is reserved in talking to me. I don't know how to approach her given the family dynamic.
4. He was mad at first, then he participated in the interview and saw that the social worker agreed with me and that shut him up some. Then he stopped talking about it altogether.
5.Sure seems that way. I don't know that he will change - he is very headstrong about this,. I wrote a list of boundaries after this weekened and he has refused to read them, saying I am trying to control him. Tonight he did call a therapist and leave a message, in hopes of getting SD counseling after her friend revealed that she said she wanted me dead.
6. Nope she is angry. Very very angry. Now says baby is not her dad's and she doesnt' consider it human. Also that she wishes baby and I would both die.

I did call them, this

I did call them, this morning. He will flip. But his response to none of this is adequate. It is creepy. I see it more every day.

Your SD has way too much

Your SD has way too much power over both her parents. You say that SD21 lived in a car without help from parents. Was this by choice? or a result of parents cutting her off?

You should be able to call CPS about the threats, they may commit her because of them. How does DH respond to this, besides calling a therapist for her? Does he realize that he is the reason she is like this?

I know you love him and hope things will change but have you started thinking about leaving him and where you would go? Do you both own the house together or rent?

That was his only response.

That was his only response. He said i was being overly dramatic when I told him I feel she is deeply troubled. We had a contract in place even to allow her back into the house, and so far it has not been met because alcohol use(again, this is many times of weed, alcohol and pills) was to lead to rehab immediately, and threats or violence were to lead to residential. he instead left a message for a brand new therapist, and left it at that. he heard me out and then said the three teens who came to me are just kids and so they don't get to "call the ball." I bit back my tongue as all i can think is, SD calls everyone's ball.

In today's installment, I ran out of gas in my car - told him I was afraid of this before we both left for work. I texted him and called him, but he did not answer. A stranger kindly helped me luckily. After half an hour (and SD being dropped off to school) DH texted "Are you walking?" Then began to call etc when I chose not to answer him. So again his priorities are SD, then after she is not present, me.

He has not confronted her re the alcohol nor the threats.

I did call CPS and am waiting on a call back. I hope this pushes this to go jurisdictional and take her custody.

I own the home.

It is clear that he is never

It is clear that he is never going to put you before that brat! She is sick and he is enabling it. What is really creepy is him not answering the phone. Have you thought of calling the first therapist? I would get them both out of your house.

Do you think he will change when the baby is born? I would document everything very well. When baby is born, apply for full custody. I wouldn't trust him alone with that baby. You know she will be around him and the baby.

He is basically telling you what he thinks you want to hear, with the overly dramatic response. He isn't listening to you or taking you seriously.

YES

What is DFS?

Department of Family

Department of Family Services..... Same as CPS (child protective services)

Oh ok. Thanks PeanutandSons

Wow this sends shivers up my

Wow this sends shivers up my spine. It reminds me of a twisted horror movie, and having a hard time wrapping my head around the 'reality' this is. Being on the outside looking in, it's terrifying to me, and you are in a very, very dangerous environment. Personally I don't need video or audio evidence to see that this is sexual abuse. They ARE sexual.
I feel for your situation, as you must feel very alone. But I have to say this, because it hasn't been said, and I apologize for the harshness but they are very sick, and if you stay you are very sick also. And please don't think I am judging you, because I can honestly understand that you are in the midst of it, and it's not as clear as it is to the rest of us.

Your first priority should be the safety of yourself and your baby. Please don't become a statistic.
Clearly she has some deep rooted mental issues. And they aren't going away, possibly not even WITH therapy. She has no concept of boundaries whatsoever. And apparently neither does her father. They both need to be gone. Even if there wasn't the inappropriate sexual relations, you do not make his priority list.

Again my apologies, I suck at sugar coating

How are you and the baby

How are you and the baby doing today?

Right I am going to say

Right I am going to say something I VERY rarely say, but YOU own this house so kick him out.

when I first read the SD21

when I first read the SD21 had lived in her car that is the first thing that went through my mind, is that she had rather do that than live with daddy. Hon, I would run from that family as fast as I could and I don't usually give that kind of advise to someone married and has/having children but I just don't see this having any sort of happy/normal outcome for you or your son.

I will talk to SD 21 but she

I will talk to SD 21 but she is very closed up about their family life, and they all are very protective of eaach other in this way.

SO is looking for therapists now though. I think the social worker talked to him after talking to me again. Made it very clear that if he doesn't move forward, she will. SD left last night without a work to any of us, and we didn't even know she had gone till SO texted her mom to find out when she was coming for daughter. Mom texted back that she had daughter and they were at her house already. She seemed surprised DH didn't notice absence.

Overall I prefer when SD is gone or angry at ALL of us equally - at least then it isn't a constant struggle to get DH to DO something. now that she is mad at him and ignoring him he seems to see she needs therapy. Much of this anger of hers comes from him believing she drank the alcohol, apparently, and grounding her for two weeks for it.

I am saving up money in case i have to be on my own, and watching with great caution what happens next. if therapy is put into place and I am allowed to have a part in it, I will slowly try to rebuild my marital bond. Dh did agree to boundaries I laid out including no more special time with SD that appears like dating - a TV show on the couch in the open or a quick run out for ice cream is fine, and car rides to and from school are great for having conversations that are parental. He balked a great deal but then agreed, finally. BUT he still insists he has done no wrong in any of this, and that promises don't have to be kept, nor his word to me, if he deems it unimportant, regardless of my feelings. So, I am wary at best and making my backup plan since none of this will be acceptible for me or my child.

I think there is far more

I think there is far more going on in this family than you are aware of. BM is a drunk, SD21 won't go near her father. I think they are all aware of what is or has been going on. I fear for your unborn child, hon. I know it will be difficult on your own but I don't think you have a choice any more. DH cannot just switch off his feelings and I think you are right in that he is telling you what you want to hear. It won't last, and I wouldn't want that devil child anywhere near a child of my own.

OMG! First things first,

OMG! :jawdrop: First things first, talk to SD and clarify things. I know it might be awkward but its important. If she lies then get a private investigator to really see to it if its real or not. Children who are showing behavior like that needs to be reprimanded because its not good and not safe. SD needs proper guidance and even counselling because there is something disturbing about the way she is thinking and acting.

My first reaction was to go

My first reaction was to go throw up.

Now that I'm done with that ... GET THE HELL OUT NOW!
If he hasn't stuck his dick into one of her holes yet (and I think he has) it's only time before he does.
I don't know how you can be in the same room with him.

Go with your gut! You KNOW this is wrong. Leave and don't let that sick bastard anywhere near your baby!

I think my SD16 has an

I think my SD16 has an obsession with her father also. But nothing like this. You need to contact CSD and get the hell out of there. If you don't want to go to those extremes and you want to be sneaky to "catch" them if there is this disgusting sorted relationship going on. Then I'd buy a baby monitor hide it in her room and keep the other one with you. So you know what is going on during those back rubs. I'd also follow them on these dates. you have friends? Use their car. But honestly this is wrong. You know it in your heart. This girl is young and has been sexually abused clearly. It doesn't matter what she wears she is a child. He is the adult. Stop blaming a child for something an adult has done to her. Why is it we always blame the girl? This is a damn grown man we are talking about. PROTECT HER and get CSD involved. This will ruin this child for the rest of her life. This is so sad.

if this girl has an unhealthy

if this girl has an unhealthy obsession with her father -- it is her father's doing. he is the adult in this situation that has emotionally abused her and very possibly sexually abused her. The way this child is behaving is a direct result of her father's abuse of her for probably many, many years. Girls and boys who have been sexually abused, act out sexually and act provacatively towards the opposite sex. Definitely get the authorities involved -- put a child monitor in her room, nanny cam, whatever it takes to catch this guy and protect yourself! This guy is sick.

Dontwanttobefigured, The last

Dontwanttobefigured, The last post here was over a month ago. What ever happened? Are you and your baby boy okay?

I am almost 25 weeks along

I am almost 25 weeks along and baby boy is healthy. I am on bedrest for preterm labor and was in hospital for a week. My doc has said stress must go. So Sd only has short visits. Dfs is involved and being manipulated by poor widdle sd quite a bit. After finding pot in my house and sd threatening suicide I told dh we have to have a deal period. No private time. No long visits. No more drama. My whole
Household has suffered. Time for SD to get real help and to live elsewhere. Shocked but he agreed. I have had to trust that but so far he's walking the line. He is aware that one slip means he's out. I told him I suspect an inappropriate relationship at least emotionally and that is ruining his child and our marriage. I won't condone it not will I allow my son to come into it. I gave him the final
Ultimatum in hospital - you have to choose. It sucks but on
This instance you are harming your child (both my son and SD) with your either outright sick fathering or your total inability to set boundaries. Until you have the skill to father you will do it elsewhere or get therapy and parenting classes and put SD on hold while she a) gets drug treatment and b) has a psych eval and c) has intensive therapy.

So things are better only because I was forceful. Funny thing is he seems more relaxed and relieved at not dealing with SD - he participates in therapy with her and me and he has her very infrequently at our house. She is protesting all of it hugely an tantrum ing and refusing to speak to him or physically attacking him when he has her so it is really being pointed out how she is. We had to lay boundaries with the counselor who was charmed by fake sd who put all her problems (drugs. Violence. Etc) down to daddy doesnt spend alone time with me. Counselor fell for it but i reminded dh. Alone time isn't happening if you live here. He informe counselor that he isn't Going to give sd what she wants because it has been such a wedge between us and because he can't afford to have SD think she can act out and have the result be gettin what she wants.

I am sad things are this way - but at the same
Time I don't miss towel wearing sd coming in to have daddy help her choose shoes or get backrubs. Definitely don't miss the hostile atmosphere at home. Especially with the early labor I had to be very clear. She goes or you both do. I know I know it sounds awful. Feel free to tell me I have been to harsh.

I don't think you are being

I don't think you are being too harsh. I wish I would have had the guts to stand up to DH years ago and do what you do. You need to think about you, your baby and your BS as well as your marriage. It's crazy though, how therapists can get sucked into believing the Child. You would think they were trained to see through that. I'm glad the baby is good and you are able to have a less stressful atmosphere at home. Good Luck

I am so glad you and your

I am so glad you and your baby are doing okay. I don' t think you' ve been too harsh. Maybe not harsh enough in the beginning. I wish you all the best with your DH and hope that the counseling helps. If it weren't for your baby boy I'd recomend you leave the whole situation. But I understand how difficult that would be with your sweet baby boy. Best wishes to you. -K

This is wrong BIG red flags

This is wrong BIG red flags going off. I'd get a look at their cell phones, see if she has a journal the evidence may just be there. And Call cps you can be anonymous, and if you're seeing this there may be others who have noticed, school councilors, her friends, other parents. If you say to a school councilor they will report it for you.

I would have a camera placed

I would have a camera placed and recorded what they are doing during "alone time" and if i see some even little bit of sexual moves, I will be hightailing that camera right to the police headquaters and demanding cps and restraining order for yourself and YOUR child. even SD dont deserve this, if she is being molested she is not obviously in the right mind!!! she needs help too!!!.... do this and get help for you, and her...and get the hell out of there...if you have a daughter,,,, you wouldn't want this to happen to your daughter do you??????/ please keep us updated

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Would you suspect inappropriate sexual relationship between SO and SD?