You are not weird. Most Step parents do not want to be in bed with their SKIDs. As for the snot sucking thing, that is just so disgusting. Your wife sounds like she behaves as if her son is an extension of her body, not a separate person.

OMG I just vomited a little in my mouth :sick: sucking snot out of his nose, excuse me while I go hurl. As for sharing the bed with your skid, nooooooo, how old is the child ?

Holy crap, I am glad I read that before I ate. Now I have only lost my appetite instead of ruining my keyboard.

I have never even given birth to a child and I know the following: Nasal aspirator. You can buy one at ANY store in the baby aisle. About $2. It can suck the snot out for you!

As for the cosleeping. No. Sorry not going to happen. I did not even co sleep with my DD after her parents died (nor did she want me to!) Her space+my space= boundary that shall not be crossed!

I assume the poster meant sucking the snot out with one of those nasal bulb things they give to babies, not actually sucking the snot out.

And if it's the former, I don't see what's so godawful gross and weird about that.

If it's the bulb: nothing

Before the bulb it was done 'manually' mouth to nose: that is beyond words gross

Your wife should NOT be putting you and her son in the same bed. My DH also didn't see the problem when we first were together. Here is the problem, your own son, maybe no problem...unless you are divorced and have a crazy ex-wife. However, unfortunately, as the step-parent we are ALWAYS the bad guy, we are ALWAYS the one that is not proper, etc...so you should ALWAYS think of YOUR first before anything else. That means that although she might think it is no big deal, you should know that some other wacko could accuse you of ANYTHING and guess what? EVERYONE believes the bio-parents and the sickos out there, NEVER the step-parent.

Stay away, tell your wife is she wants to sleep with her son, she can go to her son's room, but do NOT sleep with the kid in the same bed. Do NOT give him a bath. Do NOT see them naked. Do NOT even sit them on your lap. There are many sick ex's out there that will take this and run with it. Protect yourself. Your skids might be important, but believe me that YOUR life is much more important than what your wife might say.

There's nothing wrong with that. I don't feel right, either, although I wouldn't say I feel weird - I feel outright dislike for the co-sleeping practice, lol

My DH put SD in our bed exactly once - as soon as she hit the mattress, I got up to sleep on the couch. He didn't do it again. I'm a firm believer in us having OUR bed, and them having THEIR OWN.

I don't even want him letting the kids sleep in our bed when we're not in it! He used to offer it to them..."Oh, you don't feel good? You can go lay in Daddy's bed..." Umm....hell no! Especially not when they were still having potty accidents!

And Draco's right - BM pitched a fit when SD said something about being in bed with Daddy and Miss Kitty....and this was a completely separate incident, when SD came in to give Daddy a morning hug or something. (Meanwhile, BM still lets SD sleep with her, used to cause incessant crying at our house because we wouldn't let her in our bed...)

I'm totally with ya on the snot-sucking thing. Gross. I have no problems cleaning up my cats' puke/poop/etc but I refuse to touch kid spew/snot/poo/pee/dirtiness :sick:

My SD is 5 and my wife lets her get in bed with us sometimes at night, usually about once every couple weeks. It's usually planned, thankfully, because otherwise me and my wife usually sleep naked. I will usually slip out of bed after 5 mins when both of them have fallen asleep because I feel uneasy being next to the kid. I used to pick up SD and take her to bed when she fell asleep, but now I just leave the both of them there and go sleep on the couch in the living room. Just something about my wife's daughter being there in bed with us makes me feel like the loneliest person on earth.

I felt wierd about this at first but as I got to know sd6 better and we got closer I don't mind now its quite sweet, I would not let sd sleep with us but she comes in in the morning for a cuddle, it may be that you are never comfortable with this, it dos'nt make you a bad person but don't be pressured into doing things that don't feel right as this will cause resentment and push you the other way,

OK I am confused. Did she actually suck the snot out of the nose with her mouth?! I would not do that to my own son unless it was a life or death situation. There are tools out there for that. If she used the bulb syringe then nothing is wrong with it but you are still not in the wrong. Kids are gross little creatures and you are probably right that you wouldn't be grossed out if it was your kid because you have love and understanding and caring for your own child.

As far as sleeping in the bed with step-dad, your wife may think it is normal because it is her son but you need to draw the line here. It is your home and you should be comfortable. Also, children who get used to sleeping with their parents tend to do it for a long long time. My son has never slept in bed with me and he does right to sleep in his own bed at 22 months old. There is no fighting bedtime.

Try to understand that you feeling grossed out and uncomfortable is normal and you are not a bad person for having those feelings. Try to find a way to stomach your disgust and laugh it off later or just go to another room when something is happening you don't want to see.

Good luck!

what exactly were you doing when you were in the bed with your wife and her son ? did you feel like you couldnt lay next to them and just watch television or talk ? what if you go camping would you not be able to share a tent ?

you do not have to be his dad . you do not have to feel like he is your son . you only have to be honest with him and his mom and be a father figure / male role model . you can call him " bobby " and he can call you " joe " treat him like you would any other kid who is going to be part of your family from now on .

maybe you and your wife will have kids of your own . if you do remember that her son will be your sons brother .

Dh and I have always taken ss back to his room when he tries to get in bed with us. Less because its inappropriate, more because we believe that he must sleep in his own bed. If there is a bad thunderstorm, one or the other of us may get in HIS bed with him until he falls back asleep. We do not hang out in our bed together, nor do we hang out in his bed together except to read stories at bedtime. As for the snot sucking, that's disgusting. There are things called boundaries.

I think that she may have actually been blowing into one nostril to make the mucus come out the other. . . Still gross but I know mothers that do this. I actually have three kids and I have yet to have the stomach for that. I just purchased a battery operated suction because after three months those bulbs are useless.

Cosleeping is a NO NO. I could not stand when my SD would get in our bed and would promptly go to the living room as soon as she pulled back the covers.