The Inlaws Are Easier
I'm sure some of you stepparents out there are honest people. My stepmother I truly adore, even though she's the third one. This is about my stepfather, who is also my third one. My question is: What do I tell my mother?
My family lives in Seattle and I moved to NY with my husband. The long story short is my stepfather, who frequently pays his adult kids' bills, does not want my mother to buy plane tickets to come see me. They are not financially hurting. I recently had my first child and he was a real pill. My mom was not able to get me a baby gift. She has her own job. And, they have never had to pay my bills for me like they do his kids. In a lot of ways I blame my for letting someone else dictate such things for her. I don't have the heart to tell her I don't want to move back to seattle because my inlaws live over here, they are significantly more supportive, and they are still together. Should I be honest, that i'm tired of being resented for existing by stepparents, I'd rather live near my inlays? They keep acting like i was selfish for moving.
The way you present it - that
The way you present it - that your step father pays his own adult kids bills, while refusing to allow your mother to come see your first baby, or even buy a gift - obviously sounds totally unreasonable. As you say, your mother has a responsibility to stand up for herself and say what she is damn well going to spend her own earned money on.
Is this the whole story?
If it is, I think you should be taking it up with your mother, not blaming your step father for "not allowing" her this and that. She is a grown woman, even if she does keep marrying the wrong people.
It's the whole story except
It's the whole story except that she did come to visit after the birth - he's just not wanting her to come on a regular basis - say six months later. I've offered to contribute to the ticket but it's still an issue and that's what really bothers me.
He's always welcome. we
He's always welcome. we never have run-ins in person I just hear things through my mother. you're right- not my business how they spend their money.
good advice, all around
good advice, all around
I see what you're saying. It
I see what you're saying. It gets hard to discern what's really going on because she says how badly she'd like to come. They're also used to me doing a lot of the flying, which makes some sense because my brothers, etc.. live there so I get a lot of bang for my buck. I just really wanted her to come again.