Is your current family situation stable and happy? Do you both work together well dealing with parenting/ step-parenting issues?

Wow...a very tough decision. If it were me, I'd probably go with a donor as time is of the essence and pursuing the other options may close your window of opportunity.

Best of luck to you.

hmmm tough one. I guess it depends. For me I would try the reversal first as I would really want the baby to have genes from both parents. If that didn't work, I would try and save the money for the sperm bank.

I don't think this is a very active forum. I would try posting blogs from now on, although you never know how much response you'll get.

Good luck!

You may have to use fertility drugs if you go the reversal/natural route if only one ovary is functioning. Also if you go with a sperm sonar the fertility drugs can improve your chance of getting pregnant w/o repeated trys.

I would have a shot at it if I were in your place. Having not a lot of money available for this, in a way could be a good thing, as I know of couples who have sunk their savings in fertility treatment, spent in some cases, years trying and came out with nothing at the end. Very, very stressful and some causing the end of the relationship. Just have one go, and if it is not meant to be, then invest in your marriage instead and trying to give each other a happy life.

I guess my question is why you are "not interested in adoption"? I would think that if you truly want to be a parent, any and all means would be considered. As someone who had 3 rounds of serious IVF (One was successful, but my sweet baby was born premature and didn't make it, two were unsuccessful), I can tell you that it isn't just the financial toll. There is a huge emotional toll on failed infertility treatments. We adopted and I couldn't be more in love with my child.

I see the argument for not having a child at an older age, but what is FAIR to a child?

I see young people smoking all the time. I see them binge drinking. I see mothers dumping their kids on their parents while they continue to live the high life. I see broken marriages. I see mothers (and fathers) using their children as pawns. I see people with kids sky diving, bungee jumping. I see people who have children working in noble, yet dangerous, professions like firefighting and police officers. Any of these things could result in lack of energy and / or premature death. And then again there is plain old bad luck like a car wreck or early terminal illness.

I see people 1/2 my age and 1/2 my dh's age who are overweight and lazy or lethargic. People who are 1/2 our age who already can't keep up with their kids. I see people working 12-15 hour days and leaving their kids in daycare.

So age is what makes this selfish? Really? My husband and I eat well, exercise, bike, hike, and do a variety of vigorous activites. We don't smoke. We don't drink. I take my child to the playground, to playgroups, etc. He'll be doing a toddler little league in the fall. He has a richer life than a lot of kids with much, much younger parents, but because I am 40 and my dh is almost 50, we're selfish? Yet all these other people should have kids even if they're killing them with smoke, using them to get money, dumping them on other people, living in the ghetto, not playing with them, living dangerously because, hey, they're young.

Yeh, that makes sense.

My son has two loving parents. We play with him. We travel with him. We laugh with him. We love him. We love each other. He lives in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood with little to no tension. I am home with him everyday. My dh is here 4-5 days a week.

Wow. Just wow. I think it is very narrow minded to call an older, responsible person selfish for wanting to love a child of their own. My dh's daughter will know him longer. She will have had more years of him being younger, but guess what? He was 60 pounds over weight, worked a lot more hours, and had severe depression and anxiety due to a suck marriage during those years. Now she lives in two homes and one of those homes still exposes her to that anxiety and crazy. Her mother has never once had a birthday party for her, taken her on a vacation (or to the playground for that matter), or taken the time to really play with her, but she is better off than my son because her daddy had her when he was younger. RIght.

I think that the presumption that these kids are going to be embarassed or feel bad is the problem here. Several people on this string had older parents and NONE of them seem traumatized by the idea that their fathers were older, so where is this presumption originating?

Blue Belle just because you feel less energetic and think your younger kids are being shortchanged doesn't mean that they feel that and certianly doesn't mean that other people's children feel it. I think you're projecting your thoughts onto these kids.

My SILs are 32. Their father is 75. They're happy as clams and never had any qualms about their daddy being too old.

My parents were considered older when they got together, my dad in his forties, my mom in her late thirties. Never felt weird. I actually wasn't aware of how young some people had children, I always thought people only became mommies and daddies in their late thirties to forties. I believe it was only at the tail end of JHS that I found out my parents were at least 10 years older than everyone else's.

That said, my parents DID confess that they felt like they couldn't do AS much with us because they didn't have that kind of energy (although it was still a lot--prep school, chorus, martial arts, travelling, language school) but we never felt it.

The only one I do feel kind of weird about is BM who had SS in her mid-40's... she didn't want children her entire life but when that was the only thing that MIGHT have forced FDH to be with her, she miraculously gets pregnant. THAT'S selfish to me.

I don't think when a person is expected to die is a reasonable gauge for whether or not it is selfish to have a child. FDH's father passed in his late 50's when FDH was in his early 30's. I have friends whose parents passed when they were much younger.

However, I will say that FDH is 12 years older than me and one of his fears is that he will pass earlier than I would when we're older--and it's true. It makes me sad to think about what would happen when you spent all these years sleeping next to someone, and you wake up one day and he isn't there anymore. It's more likely if your ages are farther apart but I don't think it should stop anyone from doing all the things a regular couple should do.

I also do not have children of my own. As far as I know, my body is capable, but my DH had a "V" just after SD was born at BM's request. Then she left.

I always wanted children. I'd always planned to have them, but when I got into my relationship with DH I realized I had to choose between a life with DH or a life with children of my own. I chose my life with DH, under the belief that BM would forever gone. She wasn't in the picture when we met & the kids were in need of a mother-figure. I chose to be a mother-figure to children already existing & in need.

I'm going on 37 in July, & I find that the closer I come to 40 the more difficult it is for me to feel at ease with my choice.

DH will be 45 in November. He had his "V" almost 16 years ago. In doing some reading on reversals, I found that the chance of it taking drops more as time passes. After 10 years, they say the chance of a successful reversal drops drastically & continues to fall as time goes on.

Reversal is expensive. I don't know if insurance companies cover the cost. Ours does not, & sadly we don't have the money to put into "a small chance" & not have it work. That said, we've opted to give our best efforts to being good parents & role models to his children.

No doubt, I will always wonder what might have been if I'd opted for a life without my DH with children of my own, but all-in-all, I feel confident I made the right choice, & given it to make over, I would do it again.

I have often wondered why God would instill such a strong mothering instinct in me & bring my path to cross with DH's. I believe that eventually we all end up exactly where we are supposed to be, & I feel like I'm there. DH's kids have not been difficult for me to love, even with the struggles we've faced with them, but I feel like at some point...God only knows when, but I do believe that at some point my influence will have helped them somehow.

Considering every aspect in your situation, you face a big decision. A child with Down's Syndrome requires care & will ensure some heartache, but in my experience as a home health provider, honestly they are some of the easiest children to love. That noted, there is also the chance you may have a perfectly healthy child. You seem to understand the risks you face & have determined that both of you can deal with the worst together. Whether or not the money is worth the chance is something that only the two of you can decide.

I also wanted to say that as far as the posts you've made that have gone with very few replies, I personally don't catch a lot of the forum posts. I tend to focus more on the blog posts. It may be that a lot of people don't see them in the forums.

he was fixed when you met him . did you know this before getting married ? if so you accepted that you would not have kids with him . i am a man and believe me no man would ever get a vasectomy against his will because sex was held over his head . men still think getting a vasectomy is getting your balls cut off . he would have gotten sex elsewhere before cutting into his little buddy .

that being said if you are insistent on having a kid sperm banks do not use sperm from old men and have a very thorough medical background of the sperm you will choose . so there should be no problems . but more importantly if the cost of getting the donor sperm expensive for you wait until you get the bills that come with a kid . good luck ...

Don't do it..quit while you are ahead !!!!