Does it get easier?
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Does step parenting get easier when you have your own child? I have a very short fuse with my ss but always ensure I scream inside my head not directly at him (lol). There are moments I feel love for him and other moments where I wish I'd never got into this situation. His father is blinded by his 'unconditional love' and seems unable to notice the disrespectful things he does in the house. The majority of my friends have children and when I voice my frustrations they always say 'remember he is only a kid'.
I've been told it's gets
I've been told it's gets easier but honestly I don't know at this point in my life. Seems like it just gets worse for me. I wonder if we were to have our own child together if it would get worse or better.
If it does, I haven't
If it does, I haven't experienced it. My skid (who lives with me full time) and his sociopathic BM rejoice in making my life a living hell.
I think it only gets better
I think it only gets better if you and DH have the same parenting views. I've had similar situations and when I explain why I said no, DH usually sides with me.
That depends. Are you asking
That depends. Are you asking if it gets easier to deal with skid or BM? Lol. BMs, no. skids, depends on the route you take. I chose proactive parenting, starting with a three year old skid. We have a really good relationship. They only thing that pisses me off is when I see her mother's "parenting" coming out. If you're got a toddler on your hands and an active father, you can still mold the kid into a decent child. Good luck!
He is 8. I find it easy to
He is 8. I find it easy to discipline him and retrieve an apology it just sometimes feels like the whole situation is a constant battle one way or another. The new thing is that he says 'my mum said my dad doesn't take me out enough' or 'my mum says that isn't proper food' etc. I don't know the mother well but many have said she is a nasty piece of work. I'm sick of dreading the weekend because of what he is gonna do or say next that might bother me
My partner is lovely but I fear that his son is going to grow into an awful person because of the BM. Because I don't love him unconditionally I see straight through his games and manipulations but think my partner thinks I'm jealous or deluded!
Ooohhhhh. Ouch. That age. I
Ooohhhhh. Ouch. That age. I can honestly say that age had been like toddler years again. By that I mean, toddlers are learning right from wrong and you have to always direct them. Age 8, they're learning how to push boundaries and who is really in charge and when. My SD is almost 10. We're set strict rules, but also have a lot if fun. Our system has worked for us. Sometimes we need to remind her that in our house, we make the rules.
FYI, we've set reading time everyday in our house. She is to read for a set amount of time. Let me tell you, it has benefited her in school AND my sanity for some guaranteed quiet time. And we reward her at the end if the month for her reading too, this month we're going bowling!
Good luck to you!
Exactly! I have a SS8, too,
Exactly! I have a SS8, too, and our situation is the same: he's well-behaved and receptive but plagued by bad parenting from the BM. BM's always saying to SS8, "Look, your pants are too long. You're dad doesn't buy clothes right.." and "What's wrong, your dad didn't feed you properly?" other petty put-downs. SS8 now has a habit of judging everyone all the time and putting everyone down, too!
I try to find nice ways to tell SS8 to quit being so negative, but SS and DH just think I'm being overly sensitive. It's like DH has the love-blinders on and can't see how annoying it is to live under a microscope! Good thing is--I've heard 8 is the time that kids push boundaries and that they grow out of it. In the mean time, it helps me tremendously to just take a step back, go read a magazine or plan a night out for myself, and let the parents do the real work. If he's not lashing out or throwing tantrums, he's going to be fine.
It does if you have a DH who
It does if you have a DH who realizes he can and should support ALL of you by being a HUSBAND to you and PARENT to his kids. A parent who truly has unconditional love for their children will call them out when the act inappropriately and give them a consequence. A parent who truly, unconditionally loves their child will not allow them to treat others with disrespect, and insist that they treat all adult auhtority figures (including stepparents) with respect and obedience. That will help the stepparent and stepchild form a closer relationship. A parent will spend quality time with each of their children, finding out about what's going on in their lives. A spouse will make date time with their spouse. A spouse will call others (including BM and stepkids) out on the mistreatment of their spouse and insist they be treated with respect. You don't have to love or like your stepkids, and they don't have to love or like you. But your DH should be pulling his weight as a father, spouse and leader of the house to make sure that things run at least somewhat peacefully for everyone.
Good luck on your approach.
Good luck on your approach. My husband and I did the same thing, but when puberty hit and the mom's house was "no rules" it went down the toilet fast. We did the reading and date thing too. Now we just got an email from the 28yo that our house was so controlled that there was no room for disagreement...This wasn't the case,but she's been hanging with her mom now that she's out of college and on her own. She says that she realizes now how much she is like her mother. (Her mom dropped her off in our driveway with her clothes packed when she was 8 bec the mom's boyfriend or the mom couldn't make her mind. I took her into our house. Her dad was away on a business trip for 2 days at the time.)I am so hurt and tired of dealing with all of it. We took them to church and weren't harsh with them. We took family trips and had fun every Fri night. They all seemed happy until mom married a guy with lots of money and the girls got old enough to want to be with guys at night. The mom let guys stay all night with them at her house. They also started drinking under age. This girl, the 28yo actually got so drunk she stopped breathing and had to go to ER and be intubated when she was 16. They didn't even tell us until a month later. One of the sons told us. We still haven't recovered our family. So sad.
I agree. I had a few cousins
I agree. I had a few cousins that came to visit us when we were young. I hated it. They went thru everything and messed up the whole house. Their mom or ours didn't make them stop. We had to clean up their mess when they left. Mom didn't. I always remembered that and knew that I'd raise my kids so that ppl wouldn't dread us coming to visit.
In my experience, it got
In my experience, it got worse. I can't say that the situation got worse, I think I mentally got worse. Having my own child all of a sudden brought me to a place of unconditional love for him and it made me be uber aware that I don't have that with the step kids. And to be perfectly honest, I don't really care to have it. I suppose part of me wishes I did so that things would seem easier.
My husband and I are also pretty good as far as co-parenting. He's a guy so of course there is a lot of nudging him to handle this or that, but it's the same way with our own child. We do agree on pretty much all aspects of parenting and after visiting this site I have realized that the step kids are not horrible kids. I'm just not happy to raise them. So the little annoying things that I'm sure most kids do, drive me absolutly nuts! Like fuming mad kind of nuts where I have to leave the room because I just can't stand it. And when I look back on it, I could withstand a hell of a lot more insanity and crazy step kids stuff before I was pregnant. When I had my child I think my tolerance for the other kids went out the window. I hate to admit it, but it's true.