DH Ugh!!!
Okay so almost a month ago DH of SS12 sent me an email about going to a pro baseball game with his team. I researched it and gave him all the info about the time, date, cost, etc...DH came back and said that's too much and it interferes with bed time for the kids. Now here we are today, and he is now wanting to go. Said there are only 4 tickets left. There are 6 of us in the house. So I told him about when we discussed it before, I was even able to pull up the email communication about it. He was livid, said it didn't happen, etc...Said he and his son will just go. Sorry but I'm a bit hurt. I'm the one that takes SS12 to practice twice a week, and keeps score for his team. And I'm being excluded completely, DH said he's on the team as one of the coaches so he should get to go. I told him I feel so appreciated. Thanks a lot. Now he is trying to serve it up as one on one time with his son, and why is okay for my kids to get that with their dad...blah blah blah....I'm so sick and tired of DH making so many excuses when he wants something for his son, and it excludes me and my kids. I wanted to take my kids to Six Flags one day, and because SS12 wasn't going to be there that day, I got all kinds of crap over it so I rescheduled so he could go with me and my kids. Why am I not allowed to make plans with just my kids but DH can at the last minute after he initially proposed we all go.
.
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I'm definitely already
I'm definitely already thinking what to do. SS12 and my kids are with other parent that weekend, and we had discussed getting them and SS12 back early so we could all go to the game that day. Not sure what I'll do now. I'm just so shocked and hurt by all of this. And he continually try's to blame me for being unreasonable. Now saying he didn't know it was a night game, bs! His complaint was the cost for all of us to go. I just get so tired of being told I'm a bad mom, yet I do all this crap for SS12 and my kids, plus work full-time. I come home everyday cook dinner, make sure SS12 and BD11 BD8 BS8, all have dinner Tues/Thurs before practice, otherwise they won't eat until near 8pm. I make sure they get all their homework done, clean the house, etc..and I'm just so ready to throw in the towel. I honestly can't take much more of this. Says I'm not being rational, and had he known that I would use helping the team as a taunt against him, he would never have asked me. It's just so crappy, that I'm catching all this.
Oh one more thing, SS12 has
Oh one more thing, SS12 has needed his shots for the last year, won't be assigned classes next year without providing the record. Neither BM who hasn't worked for 3 years and DH had made the time to take him, so I did it this week! WTF! Am I doing to much, should I stop and let everything go to pieces where DH and SS12 are concerned?
You have to do stuff with
You have to do stuff with your kids alone and he should with his. Not all the time, but once in awhile. DH and I make a point to. I do a trip with my son every year and he takes the boys to concerts and shows and movies they like.
You have to find a way to balance it. He even does stuff with my son and once in awhile I do something with my SS.
We do all of that too, but
We do all of that too, but never does something get proposed for all and then dropped and brought up again as a one on one. I just believe it's crappy to do that. Had he told me initially he just wanted it to be DH and SS12 I would have been fine with it. But he had me do all the checking into it so we could decide to go or not. He said it was too expensive and then had dropped it until today, 4 weeks later!!
That really does suck & I can
That really does suck & I can fully understand how that hurt you. Too bad you couldn't take your kids to six flags as DH takes the father son time. It sounded like he had a guilty parent moment or something. But honestly, I would not allow anyone to stop you when you want to do something with your own kids. They will grow up & you can't get that chance back. My mom allowed my step dad to take me out of gymnastics because my birth dad was not paying child support. Way different example but my point is that mom regretted allowing another to take such control. She loved seeing me smile & you deserve that pleasure with your own kids-anytime! I'm sorry about there not being enough tickets for all of you guys to go & especially you. Hope you take advantage of that time to do something special with your own kids.
What an ass. I agree with
What an ass. I agree with Purple hope. Next time, make plans for you and yours and leave DH and ss behind.
Unfortunately I have let DH
Unfortunately I have let DH have more control over me than anyone has ever had. So I question his reactions before I ever make a final decision on anything I want or want for my kids. Even when it comes to buying shoes for my kids, and I'm the main bread winner in the house. My friends and family wonders why or how I got myself into such a mess.
Please find a way to quit
Please find a way to quit leaning on him like this!! In the end, you will ruin the relationship because you will loose your voice, loose yourself and start resenting him and end up ruining the relationship. I know some women like to look to their mate for input on everything, but I am fiercely independent and it worries me when women do this. If you are the primary bread winner, you have the ability and financial stability to handle things on your own. With men, the more you put off on them, the more they will take on, sometimes to the point where you will be left out of things because ya'll are just gonna do what he thinks anyway.
Agreed!
Agreed!
Trust me I have always been
Trust me I have always been independent. Not sure how DH got a hold of me the way he did, and no one else understands it either. I had to grow up at a very young age and help take care of matters at home for my mom. So I have always been a very strong minded and willed person. We keep separate bank accounts, because I refuse to let him spend the money I make freely on SD18 and SS12. Because when it comes to them all they have to do is ask, and he gives and gives and gives. No matter the cost and I don't agree with that. My kids have to actually want for things not just in the moment before I buy things. And even then I'm smart about it. My husband is very opinionated and thinks he can say whatever he wants and doesn't care who it hurts. I think that might be part of the control. His most recent text is "when you can say you love me without conditions and when the rational you comes back I will continue this convo" my response, when my husband decides to come back from separation to marriage let me know.
now he's sending me a text
now he's sending me a text saying he loves me, and asking why I'm snubbing his text. I told him I don't feel very loved at the moment, that I do what I do for SS12 because I want to but DH belittles it and makes it nothing
I can almost guarantee you
I can almost guarantee you there are more than. 4 tickets left for the game....unless maybe you're going to Fenway or citizens Bank Park.
Here's what you do. Go to stubhub.com and search. I can almost guarantee you'll be able to find six tickets for the game...and then tell hubs, "since you decided we were able to afford it, I was able to get tickets for all of us!"
And pretend innocence and then tell him, "what, honey?...I thought you'd be excited!"
Except I can almost guarantee
Except I can almost guarantee you that this has nothing to do with a baseball game.
Some resentments and failures to communicate here that need to be resolved. Nothing to do with the game.
Yep, but in my experience
Yep, but in my experience with my husband, on stuff he doesn't want to be honest about, he won't discuss unless his bluff is called.
Sounds like her husband might be the same based on the story.
They said only 4 are left in
They said only 4 are left in the area where the team is sitting together. Yes there are other tickets available. I've thought about buying tickets for me and my kids and not saying anything to DH. I know what would happen if he goes to the game without me. I always get the "missing you" text, and "it's not the same without you here"...BS!!! Ugh.
my husband chooses not to be
my husband chooses not to be honest about alot of stuff, and when you call him on, watch out. I honestly question way to often if I really know who he is.
Well, True Mom, I sensed
Well, True Mom, I sensed that, and that's a huge problem, but only you can decide how big of one. I'm sorry, at any rate.
When you call him on his
When you call him on his lies, "watch out"? I sincerely hope you aren't in a violent situation or even a situation that makes you feel threatened.
If you just mean he gets upset, and makes a big deal out of it, sometimes to the point you'd rather not discuss than put up with his crap, I sympathize. My DH is the same.
He has been violent before,
He has been violent before, not in the last couple of years. But it's still very much fresh in my mind. He mainly yells, belittles, and cusses me out. While I bite my tongue.
That's emotional abuse. You
That's emotional abuse. You need to get some outside support for this, counseling or something -- it can do untold damage. Trust me. I know.
I have told him that, even as
I have told him that, even as of recent. And he was livid. I have sought out counseling several times through the preacher that married us. But the husband refuses to go anymore, because he feels it's about fixing him. Well duh! If the preacher can make you see that you have a lot to work on, then of course. I'm not saying I'm innocent or perfect. But I try damn hard to do what's right and good for all in my life. That's just how I find things to work better. I'm not an ugly person, I wasn't raised that way.
You can't change him. You can
You can't change him. You can change the way you react, and you can learn more about why you, as an independent woman, have decided to settle for this kind of treatment. And forgive me, if you have insurance, I'd recommend going to a professional counselor -- your preacher is all well and good, but that's a whole different role in your life. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.
DH is a piece of work! He
DH is a piece of work! He has now come back to me and said he knows why I'm upset. My BD11 was hit by a car a few weeks back, luckily not severely injured, but the insurance company of the driver came back yesterday denying the claim. So now it's I'm upset over the money I would have gotten. OMG!! Seriously! Any money that would have been received would have gone to BD11 doctor bills and the rest to her bank account. I'm not the one that got hit by a freaking car!! He's the one that had been talking about the money since it happened, as though I was going to give it to him. He said it's just like when my 2nd full-time job shut down a few years ago. Hello!! WE had been using that paycheck to cover expenses for freaking seadoo's that he convinced me we should have. Of course nothing is in his name so it all falls on me of course I'm going to stress out. I just told him to go crawl back under his rock, that I'm fine, but would be better if I didn't have a husband that can't accept responsibility for his actions.
any advice you can give to
any advice you can give to break the cycle is definitely welcomed! I have no friends of divorce so no one knows what I'm going through
Sorry to keep singing the
Sorry to keep singing the same song, but you need to see a counselor. And now.
Honestly, I was in a
Honestly, I was in a controlling, abusive relationship in my early twenties. I broke the cycle by leaving and never looking back.
I agree with FeuilleMorte. Get professional help and get it fixed, or get the hell out. This type of relationship does not tend to fix itself or get better. In fact, it typically gets worse, and no one deserves or should put up with any kind of abuse...not even for a flippin second