inappropriate tickling?
DH and I recently vacationed near SD 23 so we could visit but have our own space. I was taken aback by the lack of boundaries that both SD and DH exhibited toward 2-1/2 year old grand daughter. DH got the child so wound up that she threw a metal toy and hit him in the head. This was out of excitement, not anger. He then started to tickle her. She laid across his lap, lifted her shirt and said "tickle my body, Grandpa." SD 23 began to video tape this, saying "when I was little, he'd tickle me under my arms until I couldn't breathe." The whole think made me feel a little sick at my stomach.
I am curious to hear whether you think this is an appropriate fatherly/grandfatherly boundary. I sometimes feel as though SD wants to compete with me for my DH:)
I don't think it's
I don't think it's inappropiate
I don't think that tickling a
I don't think that tickling a 2.5 year old is inappropriate at all. Now if he was doing that to your grown SD then it would be innappropriate.
It was the intensity that
It was the intensity that made me uncomfortable. It was the fact that he did it AFTER she was over-stimulated (when she hit him in the head with a metal toy) and had been reprimanded. It was the statement "he'd tickle me UNTIL I COULDN'T BREATHE."
It's normal. Didn't you have
It's normal.
Didn't you have tickle fights as a kid? Just good old fashion fun.
I don't see anything
I don't see anything inappropriate here.
By the title, I thought you meant he was tickling SD!
2.5yrs is okay for that kind
2.5yrs is okay for that kind of horseplay, I would say it depends on the person but I wouldn't be too worried about it unless the girl starts doing this into the pre teen years.
This reminds me of a T-Shirt
This reminds me of a T-Shirt I saw recently...
"I am not responsible for what happens to YOU, when YOU tickle ME!"
I do not receive tickling well myself and have actually warned past GFs and current new in-laws, to not tickle me as I may "throw some 'bows"!
LOL
Hi, Saffron, Yikes! I am so
Hi, Saffron,
Yikes! I am so sorry for what you are going through.
A couple of points of clarification: My family of origin was very affectionate, but we were not ticklers! I am not accustomed to seeing an adult purposely get a child worked up to the point that DH did step-grandaughter....
I have posted on here before, but not for a long time. I had thought most of the problems and boundary issues were my DH's fault. But I am beginning to realize that SD has a big part in it, too. Sorry, that was a rather random note at the end of my posting:)
I remember my uncle tickling
I remember my uncle tickling me once until I peed my pants when I was little. While I'm sure I wasn't happy about it at the time, I don't think it was "inappropriate" in a sexual way, if that's what you're suggesting. To this day, I hate being tickled, but I don't think it was his intention to be mean-spirited....men do tend to play more roughly with kids, and in my experience, it seems like men do tend to get kids more worked up and over-excited. I imagine what you have witnessed is nothing more than overdone silliness. Try not to sweat it, and be sure that you take time to be the calming factor for this little tyke.
i understand how u feel.
i understand how u feel. sd13 used to tickle BF allll the time, she made a big show about it until one time she took it too far and that was the end of that.
i can understand your uneasiness about your sd's comment. some people do not find tickling as a normal form of interaction. my family was not very touchy-feely at all, we never went beyond a quick kiss or hug hello/goodbye. even as a small girl, i never climbed up in daddy's lap for stories or quality time. tickling isnt in my distant memory file either. some families are like that.
so i was always uncomfortable whenever i saw my bestfriend's father tickle her as dicipline. we were teens too, 14 to be exact when i first saw how he 'punished' her for talking back or doing anything wrong. he literally wrestled her to the ground and tickled her armpits till she was red in the face and silently laughing--couldnt breathe. it was beyond weird.
fast forward to my very first serious relationship at age 17. that boyfriend's family was very cuddly and physically involved--tickling was a regular occurance. he LIKED being tickled and i soon discovered that it was a sort of sexual release/control thing with me....never thought about it that way until i dated him.
again fast forward to meeting my current BF....he wasnt into it, but after intitating it through fore-play he began to get into it and thats how most of our sexual interactions begin (sorry if its TMI!). he's extremely ticklish, he doesnt mind me tickling him, i get off each time, so it works for us....but my point is that i view tickling mostly as a sexual thing my BF and i share, so i would be mortified hearing sd talkin about it like yours did.
as far as the grandbaby, i agree it is NOT sexual at all, its a playtime thing pretty much all kids that age enjoy---as long as its done appropriatly and swiftly---otherwise it is abuse. as far as u feeling sick to your stomach, it could be an unconscious jealousy thing, or maybe u had a bad experience at some point in your life---but i suggest u dont make a big deal out of it or else your sd may blow things out of proportion.
I want to be clear, I was not
I want to be clear, I was not suggesting that there was anything sexual about it. I think it's inappropriate for an adult to get a child that worked up, and then to solicit her attention when she's been reprimanded. From a behavior modification standpoint, that is simply encouraging bad behavior. I was polling others for their opinion.
I never dreamed of making a big deal of it. I have not mentioned it to DH. Sadly, we have bigger fish to fry....