What do your SKids call you?
Hi - My future SD just turned 5. I haven't met her yet...but will in the near future. I wondered what people's step kids called them, especially around this age. Is 5 old enough to understand what a step mom is? Her parent's have been separated for over a year and divorced for only a few months. The crazy ex cheated on my future DH and moved into another dude's house (with the kid) before the divorce was even final...telling her kid that she had brothers and pets that weren't really hers...and then proceeded to drag the kid away to another city recently because her new dude was 'too controlling' (meaning get off her lazy butt and get a job)...so I'm thinking this kid might be a little traumatized from all the recent events caused by her mother. It's sad because from what my future DH is telling me, it sounds like she's already learned the art of manipulation...anyway, is 'Ms. (my first name) appropriate for her to call me, even after her dad and I are married? Thanks.
Oh goodness. I'm sorry. I
Oh goodness. I'm sorry. I laughed at your comment, but that's tough. I feel your pain...and can see this in my future. I'm sure I'll get called a few names too...except maybe since my future SD is younger, I'll have more of a chance. I'm just worried cause I'm sure her mom will try to 'poison' her against me...
My step kids call me by my
My step kids call me by my first name and sometimes jokingly the evil stepmom.
It sounds like ya'll have a
It sounds like ya'll have a good relationship
LOL. I am jealous : )...but
LOL. I am jealous : )...but I kinda want my future DH to see his kid...he has to pay so much $$$$ a month in child support that anything he can do to annoy his ex makes me happy. I live in the South, so I guess that's where I got the Miss from...we called all my parent's friends Mr. first name and Miss first name when I was growing up. I don't want this kid to think that she can disrespect me...maybe when she gets older she can drop the Miss and just call me by my first name, but for now, I feel more comfortable with the Miss part. From all the 5 year olds I know, I don't know any that just call me by my first name...I do want her to feel 'right', but again, I want to set up some groundrules and boundaries and make sure that those are in place before I get more leniant...and this is all new to me and I want to feel 'right' too. If she's going to call me step mom, I might cringe. I just don't want to be called that right now. Who knows how this is going to turn out... Thank you for the advice! : )
First name. I treat them like
First name. I treat them like coworkers.
LMAO!
LMAO!
My SS calls me "Dad". That
My SS calls me "Dad". That is what I am. I am his dad.
In my opinion what the SKid calls the SParent is entirely up the Sparent. I became dad to my SS-19 when he was 1yo. We had a couple of SpermClan induced incidents regarding him calling me dad but we dealt with them successfully. When he came home from visitation with teh "GrandMa says you are not my dad and I can't call you dad, your my stepdad" crap I addressed it directly.
I explained that a BioDas was a dad who makes a child with the mom and that a StepDad is a dad who is married to the mom.
I also explained that a REAL dad is one who goes to work every day so that the kid has a nice home to live in, a safe neighborhood to grow up in, the best schools to go to, changes diapers, helps toilet train the kid, teaches the kid to read and write, coaches the kid's sports teams, teaches the kid to ride his bike, goes to every parent/teacher conference, school play, band concert, sporting event and who loves the kid's mom and the kid very much.
Even at ~8yo a kid will get it. My kid responded with "It sounds like a step dad is a real dad to me."
When we had a repeat incident a few years later I gave SS the choice of calling me "Dad" as he always had or Mr. (Last name). I will tolerate nothing else. I explained that if "Dad" was no longer good enough then he would call me what I demand that any other child call me. He decided to stick with dad.
Make a decision, stipulate it to the SKid, enforce the decision and do not tolerate or allow the blended family opposition play a game of vitriolic manipulation with your Skid.
As for what the SKid refers to you by:
Mom
Mama (First name)
Ms. (First name)
(First name)
My Queen
etc...
You decide.
Good for you
Good for you
Im called by my first name,
Im called by my first name, and sometimes an abbreviated nickname as an affectionate term. Although they did ask if they were meant to call me mum once we're married so we'll see.
Sd calls me by my first name,
Sd calls me by my first name, strangely she often calls her Mum by her first name, why could that be I wonder.
My SS on the weekend we got
My SS on the weekend we got married asked if he could call me Mom and I said yes.
He calls my by my first name
He calls my by my first name when talking to me but refers to me as his mom when talking to anyone else. A little weird but it works. He's a sweet kid
Thanks ya'll - it kinda
Thanks ya'll - it kinda sounds like time will tell....maybe once I meet her I'll feel better. I know, this should be about her...but again, this is new to me. I liked one of the other posters comments on another thread....I kinda want an aunt/niece relationship with her. I don't think I'm going to have to see her very much due to location and my future DH's job, so maybe her calling me anything other than Ms. first name would be too much. We'll just have to see...but thanks for giving me ideas : )
they just call me by my first
they just call me by my first name. The 2yr old will acknowledge me as the mom figure in situations though like, "your the mommy dinosaur and I'm the baby dinosaur" or "these are the mommy shoes (my shoes)" but when he's talking to me directly he uses my name. The older boys use my name also.
My steps are not allowed to
My steps are not allowed to call me MOM, it is in the decree. My SD and I have zero relationship, my SS13 calls my by my first name.
Wow - that was in their
Wow - that was in their divorce decree that the Skids can't call you mom? What a bi-atch his ex must be...
Ha! Sorry...but I see that
Ha! Sorry...but I see that in my future too. I'm so pissed at my future DH for having a kid with his ex skank whore wife and now I have to deal with it. I don't think he gets all that I'm having to do to prepare for this...or that I'll have to give up. I didn't have kids with my ex husband cause I knew it wasn't gonna work. I knew that they weren't gonna make the situation better. And she manipulated and tricked him into having this kid. She was supposed to be on the pill. But anyway, I'm not looking forward to all the drama, manipulation, etc....I hope to God he doesn't fall for it with my future SD.
My step son seems to have a
My step son seems to have a hard time calling me by my first name, so he just constantly calls me YOU, to which I respond that is not my name and make him call me by my first name.
My stepson calls me by my
My stepson calls me by my first name...when he got to the age of shortening daddy to dad he also shortened my name which was when i finally accepted that this to him was just as affectionate as calling me mum!
up to this point i had felt undervalued as i had been playing role of mum without the title.
he understands why people think im his mum and if they say 'look at you mum' he knows to look at me....however i do wonder if this will change when myself and my other half decide to have our own children
My SD7 calls me by my first
My SD7 calls me by my first name. It just came naturally to her to call me that, and I wouldn't expect her to call me anything else. Luckly BM got remarried before we did so SD went through all the "Do I call him Dad now?" confusing already. She did ask me once, if after the wedding she should call me mom. I said well, I'm still gonna be me after we get married, so I guess you should still call me by my name! She never asked again.