I know how you feel, I have nearly left my partner many times for, not correcting sd when she disrespected me, his guilt parenting and not sticking up for me when bm bitches about me, I also try to make sure things are properly organised, he is a last minute person, this drives me crazy, don't confuse proper organisation with being controlling, if bd dosn't do it someone has to, tell him he needs to shape up, he should stand by you when you are being treated with disrespect, yes you do deserve to be treated much better than this, I would lay in on the line and say, sort this out for Im leaving, I did and it helped a lot, he is lucky to have some one who stands by him, you deserve the same respect, good luck.

I know how you feel, I have nearly left my partner many times for, not correcting sd when she disrespected me, his guilt parenting and not sticking up for me when bm bitches about me, I also try to make sure things are properly organised, he is a last minute person, this drives me crazy, don't confuse proper organisation with being controlling, if bd dosn't do it someone has to, tell him he needs to shape up, he should stand by you when you are being treated with disrespect, yes you do deserve to be treated much better than this, I would lay in on the line and say, sort this out for Im leaving, I did and it helped a lot, he is lucky to have some one who stands by him, you deserve the same respect, good luck.

Karen, you wanted to know why we put up with our partners putting their children before us...the usual "I love him" applies.

Now, some of us were so "in love" (guilty) that we put our husbands wants ahead of our own needs, we wanted our husbands to be happy, so much so, we put their happiness before our own. We allowed them to let their kids ignore us, isolated us, humilate us, pretend we did not exist etc., you know what I mean. In my case it took 8 years and a newborn baby at which point my SD's boyfriend told my DH if he wanted to see the baby he needed to leave me. Now, to be honest DH did say I guess I won't be seeing the baby, but was he mad that his daughter had done this, NOPE, he was damn mad that I would not put up with her crap and if I would just let her do and say whatever she liked then he could see his grandaughter, so in his mind IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.

Karen, it never changes, after 8 years and the above final stunt I banned her from my home and told my DH he was more than welcome to go with her. To date he has not, but it has been a tough 8 months.

I think you are right to question this before you enter into a marriage with this man or futher commit anymore of your life to him. When you have a partner like this, they cannot stand up to their daughters and in this case his family for you, they simply cannot. So, I see your options as live with it, or change it yourself. I wish I had not waited 8 years to change it.

I am not saying issue ultimatums I do not think they are right or fair, but I am saying this, ask yourself what you want, what you expect from a partner, are you comfortable and happy with the way things are. Does it concern you his daughters have flat out said you are not welcome, they haven't even met you and they have already banned you from a family function, so this is a good indication of things to come. Are you comfortable with your partner going without you without even saying to them, okay you haven't met Karen, I understand that this wedding may not be the best time, however, I am bringing her, we will stay at a motel and the day after the wedding I would love you all to meet her - he didn't even try to compromise, is this what you want. If not, tell him what you do want, set a standard for yourself that you feel you deserve and if he cannot give you that, well then your options are to stay with things the way they are or leave, but the choice has to be yours, do not put it back on him, take control of your life and make the choices you want.

I put up with so very much for 8 years because I loved him, but the truth is, love is a two way street, the love and respect needs to be mutual, one cannot take all. My husband took advantage of the love I had for him, he used it to live a life he wanted to live and if I wasn't happy, well the way he saw it, that was my fault. The special spark that blinded me, that made me want nothing but the very best for him, while he only wanted the very best for him also and didn't worry about me has gone that's for sure. But in it's place I have self respect and pride, I now understand that I am important too, and that in a marriage we are supposed to want the very best for our partners, I wanted that for DH, he wanted it too, for himself,not for me, and that is what needed to be addressed.

I am here, I am trying to work on the marriage, and as long as he tries too well I will stay, but never again will I allow him to treat me like that. He did what your partner is doing, he allowed his children to dictate how things would be, he allowed them to come into my home, not even say hello or goodbye and ignore me completely while they were here. They came into what they saw as their fathers home (it isn't), and said to themselves what's dad's is ours, and they treated me as an unwelcome guest in "their" home. My DH did absolutely nothing about it and never would have until I threw his daughter out and told him he was welcome to go with her.

Don't accept this for yourelf Karen, you are worth more. I wish you all the very best.

would you marry a man with no extended family? Surely. Would you marry a man with relatives with whom he was never in touch? Probably. In a way it depends how the extended family impact on him. If they never are in touch, then in a way it doesn't matter, go ahead. If they occasionally are and the inference is that they would become more involved, if say he were to get ill, then you need to ask him what would happen then and follow through on that.
I see his brother is 60 from which I imagine he is not a youngster either. So I am assuming your FDH is near 60. At this stage of life it would be extremely important to me, as a prospective wife, to know how much grief an extended family might give me at the end of my husband's life when he needed care and also was going to pass away with possibly property questions arising. I would not mind meeting no extended family NOW and I would not mind not going to their parties now, but I would mind it if my DH were in hospital and hostile family came to visit -- there is a thread at the top of the forum about this, do read it, it is very instructive of how painful that situation can be. For me personally, if this is likely to happen to you, I wouldn't marry him as that is too heartbreaking in an already grievous situation.
Also, and again there is another recent thread that you should read about this, I would be absolutely gutted if my DH were to pass away and then I were to face a lawsuit from total strangers about the contents of his will. For me personally, if this is likely to happen to you, I wouldn't marry him as this is too degrading and humiliating.
The brother should be ashamed of himself.

Ditto

I'd run as fast as I could.

Saffron, I am sorry you are so upset. Can you go have some fun with your GFs? Paint the town red? Take yourself to a spa? I hope you can salvage the weekend and feel good about not having to suffer through interminable lines at airports and annoying family members. Reframe the whole thing: sour grapes may be it is but tell yourself that you are lucky not to have to be with your husband's boring family and what a fabulous free weekend you are going to have! Also, having kids is not what it is cracked up to be... you have your freedom from tedium... enjoy it!

There is no reality... only perception. Find something to do that will make you happy.
Indulge yourself.

I am terribly angry and resentful of what husband did not take care of himself and let me take the fall for. I married a man who had custody of 2 boys, 5 & 7 when we met. Bio mom had left and made no contact for 2 years. Husband's family was delighted that hubby was dating, it had been 3 years since his divorce and he not dated. The boys loved me, my kids got along with the boys.

Things started changing though. We moved in after 2 years of dating and his mom didn't like it so she sent husband's father to talk to him. I think their opinion of me changed right then. We married a year later and moved away. I sent my inlaws school pics and one of the boys was not happy in the pic, that was questioned.

When bio mom finally realized I was in the picture she called me and told me on no certain terms was I to think I was the boys' mom and then she started stirring trouble saying she was going to fight for custody. The times she did have the boys for the summer she would fill their heads with garbage about not having to listen to me, that I dind't love them, they didn't have to spend time with the girls- they weren't their sisters. Husband did nothing to try and communicate with his ex, I tried and that just made things worse. She felt I should have no role in caring for the boys or communicating with her, like she was trying to force my husband to honor her requests, it was sickening.

The boys gave us a lot of trouble in highschool and I was the one who was taking care of them. It got real ugly infact and I went to an attorney for advise. As it turned out husband did ask his son to leave, he was an adult. That caused even more stir for bio mom, the older brother and the inlaws. Husband would address nothing.

Then came a blow-out between my girls and the boys and that was the final clincher. Blame fell on me and my daughter's shoulders, inlaws took the boys' side. This all happened approx 8 years ago and nothing has ever gotten better. I do not speak to my inlaws or my stepsons. I have terrible feelings for my hsuband for his lack of role in all of this. Not only was there a lack of role but what we agreed to, he woudl not come thru with. He he did do as we agreed and talked to anyone it turned and rather than being what we said, he then made himself look good and me look bad.

We just celebrated our 20th anniversay last week and the kids have been out of the house for many years, except for the one bio we share, and we are on the verge of divorce. We are in counseling but this is years of hard feelings and resentment we're talking about and I am not sure we are going to be able to hurdle it.

He's gone right now....fishing for a week and then a week with his family at a family reunion which I had no knowledge about until he made plans to go.