I agree with Mazzy a nick name may work better, something like Papa maybe. My SS calls me by my first name and always has. It does not bother me, because he already has a mom, but he was 10 when I met him your SD is a bit younger?

If she has been calling you by your first name all this time, why will it suddenly bother you after marriage?

My SD was 2 when her father and I started dating and 4 when we married. She called me by my first name. Still does.

I don't think you should have the girl call you dad. I, personally, don't feel that skids should ever call the sparent "mom" or "dad."

Can you use a nickname instead?

I think expecting her to call you "Dad" is not the greatest thing to do. Especially if she is uncomfortable with it. All that it will do is end up straining your relationship with her -- a fact which she will later resent. And watch out when that time comes!

I agree with the above posters -- shoot for a nickname. And be prepared to not have it be anything like "dad."

personally, i don't expect my skids to call me mom or any variation thereof. They call me by my first name. I also do not expect my son to call my DH (his step-dad) by anything other than his first name. Nor does my son call his step-mom by anything other than her first name.

The issue at hand has nothing to do with HER -- it has everything to do with you and your expectations. Please consider revising your expectations. The worst thing a step-parent can do is force themselves onto their step-kids and make a huge presumption on the kids feelings toward them. If the girl is uncomfortable calling you "dad" -- it's a clear indication that she doesn't think of you as one. It's not an insult, it's just the nature of blended families.

Welcome to the "not-the Brady Bunch" reality of blended families.

My cousin's SS's call him "Buddy" they started it on their own because they both have father's but they love my cousin so much that they wanted a nickname for him. It is their term for dad without pissing their father's off.

and then as stated above I am called "Ommy" like other mommy...

Whether you're called "Dad", "Daddy", "Mr. Smith" or "You F'n A$$hole" - you will not automatically earn respect, love, admiration or a place of importance.

There are plenty of bio-kids who are little shits and disspectful assholes and use the term Mom or Dad in a condescending tone.

Don't place the burden of your issue on to this girl. She has every right to feel uncomfortable.

I grew up being forced to call my step-mom "Mom". My dad and step-mom in their misguided attempt to blend two families after a very public affair and a humiliating divorce did a very bad thing to five kids and it set the tone for the rest of our days.

What's wrong with calling you by your name? I mean, seriously. I agree with crazy in ohio. I was forced to call a man who despised me "dad". I hated it. You can't just come along and take over and change the way this already made family does things. This will cause a lot of resentment later on. Leave the girl alone. Disengage. Her mother is the one that wants you there, so focus on her instead. You're sweating the small stuff.

my mother started dating my stepfather when i was 2.I called him by his first name then and continue to do so to this day.

it isn't about being your equal.a 6 yr old doesn't think that way.she's going to call you whatever feels most comfortable for her and as long as it's not jackass or hey you douchebag I don't think you should try to force her to call you anything else.

my stepfather gave me the silent treatment to try to force me to call him dad.it was fucked up then and will always be a fucked up way of trying to establish his position in my life.

you have to earn the right to be called dad.be patient and don't force it and one day you might just hear her call you dad without even realizing it.

I think she should call you what she's comfortable with. Geeze, she's only 6!!
Really, why would you be so self centered to think this is all about you? Maybe you didn't mean it that way but that's how your post comes across.
If she felt compelled to call you dad, then she would. Kids don't fake this sorta thing.

I think "making" her call you something just bc you feel that it's your "due" or that she needs to show you respect for being an adult is altogether a different issue.

If you felt that her calling you by your first name wasn't right then you should have corrected that right away.

It's just a little late now to go back and fix things. I can only see this causing hard feelings down the road. Take a chill pill and build the relationship. Then she might actually want to call you something else other than your name.

I gave my SS the choice to call me whatever he wanted provided it wasn't disrespectful. He said he'd like to call me by my first name...which is cool with me because my nieces and nephews call me by my first name too. One day he heard my mom call me by a family nickname only 3 people are allowed to use this nickname...he liked it a lot and asked if he could call me that too. I said that he could and now he thinks he's really super special because he gets to call me something that very few people are allowed to use.

On the other hand BM tried to force SS to call her DH Dad/SDad/Pop and any other forms of "dad" she could think of...SS went ballistic. So trying to force her to call you something she's not comfortable with could back fire on you. I wouldn't try to test that loyalty...you won't win.

My skids call me by my first name and its fine. I find that it leads to more of a respectful adult relationship rather than a caring parent type relationship; which is fine with me. I don't want a relationship with them I just expect them to respect me.

If you are not okay with that then I suggest a nickname like many of the others. My little sister calls her stepdad "poppy" kind of stupid but she started it when she was 3 and now its just like dad.

My step-girls whom I met at ages 12 and 14 always called me by my first name. I never felt that they felt equal or it was disrespectful. Uncle seems silly when you're living in the home - what will the neighbors think? Mister Jones is way too formal and again the neighbors.

How about "Pop(s)". Nice American term a little less formal than Dad and better than "that man" or "hey you".

The girl seems to have a level head on her shoulders I hope this is the only problem you have as a step.

i don't think it's fair to force a name on the kids. i was forced to start calling my sf "dad" as soon as my mom married him, and i didn't even know him. i have always resented her for that. because i didn't like calling him dad, i would just refer to him as "he" or "him". no way was i going to call him dad! he was awful to all of us, anyway. my sd calls me by my name, and that's just fine with me.

Expanding on the level headed girl comment why not sit down with her and explain your feelings and the three of you decide on a title.

She's old enough to understand you can't be called something disrespectful or too informal like Mike but Mr. Jones is overboard. Explain you aren't replacing her father so Dad won't do and what did she think?

I think you're stuck with either first or last name. Maybe Mr. Mike - that's what the gardener calls me.

*crickets* from the OP.

Think it's possible he didn't like our advice? I think we may have scared him away...

Most men here seem to have allowed a first name to be used.

The U.S. just isn't a nation of title conscious people as a rule.

My sd calls me by my first name, how about the Pop thats really sweet?

Although I don't think the SD should call him "dad" unless she chooses to do so on her own accord, I believe that an adult should not be called by their first name by a child. Mr. So-and-So would work. However, I'm old school like that and believe strongly in respecting generations.

seems like you dont know who you are . her calling you by your name makes you feel like you are not superior to her and that bothers you ? why ? why do you feel the need to make a child subservient to you ? believe me if you had a kid and her mothers new boyfriend wanted her to call him something she did not want to call him you would not force your kid to call him it . your fiance should support your daughter in that decision . he is her father , and she has the right to not want to hurt him . and yes her feelings in this case trump yours . as far as the name she should call you . since you need a title how about my lord . or your grace , or maybe she should just call you mr. moms husband . she is a child , you are an adult , you chose to be with her mother . that means you chose to be a father figure , male role model . how could you possibly expect that girl to see you as someone to look up to when you are threatened by a little girl . grow up , be a man , and help your wife raise a daughter who will make you feel like the man you want to be .

A neighbor's kid started calling her step-dad. "Twoda" as soon as she started talking.....he was the number "two dad". When she got a stepmom years later, she became twoma easily.

I think it is horrible to have a stepchild call you the same name as the true parent. While it sucks, the reality is that there is a high failure rate in second marriages with kids and a child needs to know that mom and dad are always and only mom and dad.

My step kids use my nickname, just a short form of my name which lots of people call me. I don't think it's wrong for a child to call someone by their first name, nor do I think it's a sign of disrespect. To a teacher or something maybe. But when I was growing up, most of my friends parents had me call them by their first name (I would begin with Mr & Mrs. So and so, but they would ask me to use their first), I didn't respect them any less. I felt it meant that they liked me enough to let me call them by their first name. I took it as a compliment.

I agree with the other posters, go for some sort of nickname or something, not Dad or Daddy. This will only create room for resntment later in her life. I didn't grow up in a step family, my parents are still together, but the idea that if my parents had split of being told to call someone besides my father by Dad or Daddy completely offends me. Probably not what you want to hear.... but its the truth.

My kids called their Dad's SO by her first name when they met her. When she and the ex decided to marry, they sat our two down and suggested that they call her Mom, as it would be confusing for her kids (ours were 9 & 11, hers were 7 & 9), and they would be calling my ex Dad. Our kids refused, and continued to call her by her first name.

There are lots of variations that could be used. Lots of nicknames that could be developed. Why the need to usurp what she calls her Dad? While it may feel like a sign of respect, OP? It is actually a sign of disrespect towards both her Dad AND her. Not a great way to start a new life together, IMO.

ETA: Note, ours both felt it disrespectful to THEM that her kids called my ex Dad. They had an involved Dad of their own. Just something to consider.

Dad works. So go with Dad. I have been Dad to my son (SS-20)since shortly after his mom and I started dating when he was 15mos old. I was the first person he call Dad(dy) and I am his only REAL dad.

He loves his BioDad. He does not respect his BioDad but he does love his BioDad. But that does not change the fact that I am his Dad, have always been his dad and will always be his dad.

You are wrong about thinking it is acceptable for your DF to put her kid above you. The adult relationship is the core of the family and all of the kids in the family benefit from a strong loving and supportive marriage. They benefit from the marriage but are not a party to it.

When you marry your DF you will be an equity partner in your marriage and you will be an equity parent to any children in your home. If you aren't then don't bother getting married.

IMHO of course.

I have called my BM by her first name for as long as I can remember. That's right, my BM. Besides being my mom, raising six kids after being widowed early on has earned her all the respect in the world from me. What I call her is irrelevant. I occasionally call her mom but usually call her by her first name. For me it was just avoiding the ten moms whose attention I got whenever I would say mom in a public place.

You are thinking too much about it. My SD calls me by my first name. I am not her father. I am more of a friend and cheerleader to her. The important thing is to be a good example and treat your SO with respect

I don't believe that you should ever try and force her or be upset with the fact that she will not call you "dad".

She already has a dad, and he is the only one that should be called that.

Growing up, I had a step dad, and my mom always INSISTED that I called him by his first name, even when I tried to call him dad (I was 2 when they got married), and I am grateful for it today.. because he is NOT my dad, so only my real dad deserves that title, even though my stepdad did raise me my whole life.

And my stepsons (aged 4 & 1/2 and 1 & 1/2) call me by my first name.

Now while I would not INSIST they call me by it if they did start calling me mom (since my fiancé has sole custody, so I AM the only female mother figure around), I would NEVER bring up the topic to them OR my fiancé. I'll just let them call me whatever they feel comfortable with calling me, but my first name is fine.

And just remember, if one day you have your own Bio children, that's when you'll have your right to be called "dad".

NMIT,

This is an issue and challenge for many Sparents. In my case I became dad to my son (SS now 20) when he was 1yo. His BioDad (the SpermIdiot but that is a long and complicated story) has always been in the picture. However, I was the first person my son ever called "Dad(dy)" and that is exactly what I have been to him nearly his whole life. His mom nor I forced this on him. He called me what I was to him. I did balk at it a bit when his mom and I were dating but once we were commited I had no issues with it. We will have our 19th anniversary this coming summer. The kid will turn 21 a week or so later.

Dad is not a granted title it is earned. Just as Mom is not granted, it is earned. A parent is a confidante, mentor, advocate and disciplinarian. What your kid calls you is up to you. I agree that "First Name" is inappropriate. My own son (SS) called me Dad and called his biodad "Daddy Firstname" when he was young and gravitated to calling us both "Dad" as he got older. Whe he is with us and talking of BioDad he refers to him by his first name and when he is in SpermLand he refers to me by my first name. This is to avoid confusion for those he is talking to. Practical, factual and clear. It works for him and it works for his mom and I. No one really gives a flying rat's ass if it works for the SpermClan though we of course do not badmouth the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool when the kid is around.

There were two occassions when SS came home from SpermLand visitation with a bunch of crap his SpermGrandMa loaded him up with about how I was not his "real" dad I was only his step dad and how he could not call me "Dad". I addressed these instances with fact, sensetivity and logic.

I told him that a biodad is the dad that made him with his mom but a stepdad is married to his mom and that a REAL dad is one who goes to work every day to make sure the family has a nice and safe home and neighborhood to live in, good food to eat, safe cars to ride in, teaches you to use the toilet, read, write, ride your bike, coaches your sports teams and loves you and your mom very much. He was about 6 when we first had this talk and about 8 the second and last time we had it.

He responded "A stepdad sounds like a real dad to me. Dad, can I go outside and play?" after the first time we had the talk.

The second time SpermGrandMa loaded him up with her toothless moron vitriolic drivle he got stuck on "GrandMa says I can't call you dad" part of her toxic crap. So after the biodad/stepdad/realdad speach I told him that was fine and if he could no longer call me dad as he always had he could call me Mr. (Lastname). I was raised with yes ma'am, yes sir, no ma'am, no sir, Mr/Mrs/Ms etc.... We raised our son the same way and I would not and will not tolerate a child calling me by my first name regardless of what their parent or any other adult thinks of that topic.

So, during the second episode of SpermGrandMa's crap SS thought about it for a minute and decided that Dad was what I was and what he had always called me and Dad I would remain. He will be 21 soon and I am still his dad. I have his back, I am his confidnate, mentor and advocate but fortunately I am out of the disciplinarian business. He is a young man of character and knows what he will and will not tolerate when it comes to character and integrity in other people he allows or tolerates in his life. Unfortuantely his SpermClan has mostly disconnected from him which breaks my heart and his mom's heart but seems to not bother him all that much. Only his three younger also out-of-wedlock spermidiot half sibs by two other mothers interface with him and they only rarely.

So, be dad. That is what your SD needs and that is what you are. Regardless of your genetic position in her life and regardless of what the blended family oppostion may feel or think..

IMHO of course.

As for your DW putting the kid before you and your marriage..... that is a recipe for disaster and future divorce IMHO. No child should take precidence over the marriage at the core of the family. Your DW needs clarity on this and soon.

Also IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Sincerely,