"He said 'oh, Wife is home right now' giggle after she said something."

He seems to be getting some sort of kick out of this. Otherwise he would excuse himself and take the call in another room. As far as the pictures, I'd tell him "Sure", then promptly 'forget' to do it.

My DH gets passive aggressive with me every once in a while. But it used to be quite often - especially when SD was around. I USED to act like I didn't hear it to avoid confrontation. I finally let him know I can play the same game. Now it is a rare occasion he does this anymore.

I have to agree with Janpes. That comment is far more incriminating than the witless photo episode. He is making them sound like a couple of naughty school children smoking an illicit cigarette in secret. He is fully culpable for forming, and feeding, a sick bond that battens off attacks on you. THAT has to stop before your being his secretary does!

Got to agree. Sometimes when you have nothing to lose, THEN the real you comes out to play.

Your DH appears to enjoy playing you and his brat off of one another, it massages his ego and enables him to puff out his chest in pride to say his grown daughter adores him. He will always conveniently forget to mention the fact his relationship with her verges on the incesteous and as a result is causing problems in your relationship. Your DH is guilty for causing these problems in your life. This may sound particularly harsh, but its also true. The ONLY thing you DH doesnt enjoy, is the fact YOU refuse to submit to this dysfunctionism anymore, unfortunately because your DH has had YEARS of behaving in this manner ingrained into his psychi you have an uphill struggle ahead of you. Granted you are making changes to how you are reacting, interacting and there are going to be blips...this is one of these, you should not have re-engaged with this situation by sending the pictures as all it has done is provided your DH with yet more playtime!

Certainly when my own DH refused to consider his own behaviour was causing his family to behave like escaped lunatics towards me (his family now admit that they naturally assumed I was a psycho like his ex although they had no reason to, so I was judged and hanged before my case was heard!) I got the point whereby I didnt want to be with him. I knew it was now or never, that things either changed or we were over. So with that in mind I did what I wanted, I didnt hold my tongue anymore. So for e.g. my MIL was ill over xmas day one year, my DH was unable to go visit her as for once he wasnt working over xmas and had a drink (he had a drink before my MIL was taken ill and went into hospital). So naturally he was unable to drive. MIL rang xmas day to have a go at him for not driving to see her and she blamed me! Called me a bitch. ALL within hearing of my own mother who was sitting next to my DH. I completely lost it, I admit this. I told my DH he either hang up the Fing phone immediately or I was rip the phone line out. NO WAY IN HELL was I going to listen to another word of disrespect against me. Ofcourse that was MY fault too, all according to DH. So much easier to blame ME than his own screwed up family.

My advice is this. You are unsure as to what direction to take and what to do next. When I feel like that I take some time away from the person causing me pain, so that means no spending time with DH, no cooking for him, watching tv, nadda. Avoid him and if he starts arguing with you, walk away and ignore him. I learnt fast that it KILLED DH more if I told him calmly how I wouldnt condone it anymore and walked away. Go see a lawyer and get some advice, both about your marriage and your finances. Plan to see some girl friends and family this weekend and disclose whats going on to people you can trust not to turn on you if you manage to work things out with DH. If your DH starts talking about sd, leave the room. Dont explain yourself and dont hang about for him to argue/tell you off about what you have done wrong. You know whatever you do is wrong, or will cause an argument so choose the path which HELPS YOURSELF. If that means it hurts DH, its tough shit. Go see a counsellor alone, you dont need to tell DH anything what you are doing. In fact I wouldnt tell him anything, he wouldnt be privy to my life, thoughts, feelings or time until he started behaving reasonably and with decency. If he disrespects you again, then pull the plug off the phone..."oh oops DH, I tripped over it, it must have come away from the wall and I pulled the plug out..."

Let Miss Bitch come out to play as I REALLY think both your DH and your sd actually deserve to be treated as they treat you. With zero consideration, respect or thought. Showing DH you MEAN business may make him freak out. I know my DH did when he realised I was serious, I had finished asking nicely, talking reasonably about what needed changing and how he was behaving instead I TOLD HIM how things were going to be as I was sick of being walked all over. If DH doesnt take you seriously then nothing has been lost, as it was over anyway however until you get to that point you need to take those gloves off immediately!