Should We Ask Absentee BM of SS10 for CS?
I am visiting my fiance for a month and his son is home everyday. Since I am an educator (albeit at the collegiate level) ; I have given him some reading comprehension assignments to complete. He has whined, lagged, pleaded with his father and given me every excuse in the book - in an attempt to get out of completing the work. However, his teachers have made it clear that his laziness has left him ill prepared for next year's reading level.I have a 10 year-old nephew who could (and has) read this book, and passed the reading comprehension exam with flying colors; I know it can be done and is age appropriate.
I am only investing in my fiance's son because although I don't love him; I love his father and I want to make things easier for him. It is just difficult because my fiance says that his son struggles with the same laziness that his mother has dealt with her whole life. I know he is incredibly smart but he will not apply himself if he isn't interested.
I have decided to contact his mother in the hope that she will relieve us for a few days a week. She hasn't seen him in almost a year and has not reached out for contact. I am hoping she will get joint custody. I cannot take him full-time and I don't think that it's fair to my fiance. She doesn't even pay child support and my fiance will not challenge her for it.
Should we ask for child support? She hasn't paid any for his 10 years of life.
Thank you for your response.
Thank you for your response. I agree that comparing isn't a good idea but I feel like the bar has been set really low because everyone expects that he ought to underachieve because he doesn't have a mother. SS10 has started parroting back this notion and I am having a hard time being understanding because my father was never around and I overachieved as a result. You are very right about commenting that his laziness is the result of his mother; I speak very positively about her to him because my mother was that way about my father, despite his absence.
I don't have any children and I am in my mid twenties; I'll be appreciative of any advice that you all give me.
I understand that you'd like
I understand that you'd like to make your parter's life easier but if he's unwilling to make his son do the work and make excuses for him then it's not going to happen. Not your kid, not your problem. Let him be lazy & let your SO deal with the reprecussions later.. Yeah the dead beat bm should pay child support but again if your SO isn't willing to attempt to get it then it's not worth getting upset about because it's not gonna change. You have to decide if you can handle taking a step back & watching the mess he's involved in..
I've tried to step back and
I've tried to step back and watch it all but I don't want his behavior causing us problems later. Last year his misbehavior cost his dad several days of work and a bit of money to cover babysitters for his days of suspension.
You are right; I need to decide.
Yeah...just need some relief
Yeah...just need some relief sometimes.
I do worry about her bringing
I do worry about her bringing drama. She asked my fiance for money last year and she has a working husband.
My FDH is custodial. The
My FDH is custodial. The SKids BM (Nasty) sees them once per year. SO didn't want CS but (LUCKY FOR ME!), the courts didn't agree & ordered that Nasty pay CS which is now taken directly out of her check. I don't understand why these BD's don't want CS from the women that decided to have kids then abandon them. I really don't.
I would talk to your FDH about getting CS before EVER agreeing to combine your finances.
As far as your SS10 goes...sadly, these BD's (mine included) tend to excuse behaviors of their children and think that it's okay because it's genetic. Unless your FDH makes it obvious to SS10 that HE is expecting him to pull his weight as far as schooling goes, you will be nothing but the bad guy.
My SKids (8 & 9) do keep up work throughout the summer. They each read for an hour a day & they do writing & math as well. They have to do this stuff before they get their electronics. Making sure that they know it's NOT a punishment but rather a way to keep their brains active is very important. My SKids know that if they do nothing with their brains, their brains turn mushy. It takes talking about the school work in a positive manner, giving LOADS of praise & I also ensure that they have yummy snacks for when they are done.
Best of luck to you!
*Edited to ad*
Do NOT contact BM...it will do nothing but bring havoc & misery. Enjoy your BM free existance while it lasts.
SO agree with you! BD's
SO agree with you! BD's always think the mess of a kid is 'genetic' from BM's family and then give them a break. My DH only sought CS because I filled out ALL the paperwork and filed it. It was like he had a block- it was like filing taxes for him. We could have had CS so long ago it's not even funny and then he went to court, got screwed out of $300 extra dollars off the CS schedule because he didn't fight her lies of how much she spends and here we are with me working a second job and skids treating me like shit. He has a hard time keeping BM and skids accountable. It sucks.
Parents have a moral and
Parents have a moral and legal obligation to support their children. A good amount of NCP Moms do not pay CS. I think a lot of times, and I know in my husband's case, it was more "please just give me the kids and leave" attitude.
My husband would have NEVER, EVER gotten aways with not supporting his two kids for 18 years each. I mean seriously. The system is so biased, it's disgusting.
Oh and yes, Mommy needs to support her kid. PERIOD.