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What do I do?

Frustratedinlove's picture

Submitted by Frustratedinlove on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 6:59pm

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:jawdrop: My husband's sister is getting married and for some reason she felt the need to invite my husband's ex wife to the wedding. Wtf????? From what I have heard from his sister and mother, they really never had a relationship with the ex. I just am so upset that they feel they need to maintain this relationship with his ex wife instead of developing one with me. Also when the ex received the invite she told her daughter that his sister must have been desperate having invited her but she does plan to attend since her children are 'in the wedding'. I feel like I should not even go. Please help me! What do I do?

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 7:11pm

As much as I would not want to go, I probably would and would be looking great to boot! Enjoy yourself while keeping your distance from the ex. Let it be known that she is inconsequential to you and does not interfere in your happiness whatsoever. Don't let her run you off.

instantfamily's picture

Submitted by instantfamily on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 8:49pm

I'd be super tempted not to go, too. I think the best advice I have is go with your head held high, socialize as much as possible, don't drink too much (nerves and all) and ask your DH to have a conversation with his sister as to why she's being such a bitch inviting HIS ex to HER wedding. They're their kids so DH could have easily wrangled them as could you as stepmom. There was NO reason to invite ex and it was insulting to his current wife. Perhaps SIL and MIL will see another point of view.

newsmom's picture

Submitted by newsmom on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 9:11pm

Who knows why your SIL would invite BM or why BM would think it's a good idea to go; forget about them. All you can control is how you react. Look great, enjoy yourself (but like instantfamily said don't drink too much haha), and be congratulatory; it's a wedding Smile

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 5:06am

You go. You get your hair done, your nails done, etc. Wear a knock out dress, look like a million dollars. Conduct yourself with the highest level of tact and decorum and have everyone buzzing about what a class act you are. Have fun, dance with your husband, take pictures, laugh...

hoirridmummy18's picture

Submitted by hoirridmummy18 on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 5:21am

Why are you making it an issue??? So what the ex will be there errrr hello you have a man that used to be hers, A man that is happier with you than he was with her!!!!! Doll yourself up pick an outfit you love and go and enjoy the wedding and while your there go up to her say hello and compliment her on what beautiful children she has and how much you love spending time with them thank her for trusting her to do that and be the bigger person!! She is no more a threat to you than you are to her!!! That will really show them all what true LADY you are! Smile

Maroma1984's picture

Submitted by Maroma1984 on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 9:06am

You need to go and rock that wedding.

My MIL and husband's aunt still maintain a relationship with his ex because of SD11. I don't mind ... it's just easier for them!

Just be secure enough that you don't need to be jealous of her! You've got the guy now and that's YOUR family now. She's the outsider looking in!

instantfamily's picture

Submitted by instantfamily on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 9:57pm

Make SURE that DH is on "my wife NOW is the best thing in the world" mode!!! I have anxiety when going to events and my DH knows he will stick to my side until and unless I connect with someone or there's a friend there who I'm comfortable with. Then he goes and mingles, but still checks back. This man dote's on me come hell or high water when we're in a social situation he sings my praises when I'm not around. That gives me the confidence to carry on and talk to new people which is really hard for me.
DH and you may talk about how things are gonna go before you go? We do. I tell DH when I'm nervous and he does the same with me. That way we can back each other up!
Good luck!!!

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 8:56pm

You should go! Why would you not go? You were invited with your husband, as you should be.

So BM is going because BM's kids are in the wedding. Of course. No one is going to have someone's kid in their wedding and fail to invite the parents.

Get gussied up, plan to ignore BM as best you can, avoid BM as much as you can and enjoy the wedding.

christiedd's picture

Submitted by christiedd on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 9:05pm

Next month DH & I are going to the kids birthday party that BM is throwing at an amusement park. BM's sister & family will be there so that will be really fun Wink I'm trying to just put my anxieties away and realize that DH & I are married now. We bought a house together, we bought a new car together not BM and DH. That makes me feel a little better knowing that although they were together BM was the past & I'm DH's present & future. Have fun & rock the wedding!!