I just got married in June. I have DS10 and now a SS15. My SS15 lives 6 hours away in a different state, but he came up a week before our wedding. He and my DS10 were both in our wedding. Usually SS15 comes up to visit on school vacations (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break) and we will go down for a few weekends a year, then he will come up for the summer. As he gets older though he goes back earlier and earlier during the summer, which is fine by me because he is hard to deal with. Anyway originally he said he would come up for our wedding, but had to be back home the next day, we said that was impossible (we would be on our honeymoon), so the later he said nevermind, he can stay for the summer as usual, he doesn't need to be home any time. So we get back from our honeymoon, we are all getting used to living with eachother. It has been hard, but I just keep thinking it is only temporary. Well, now he is saying he wants to live with us! And the BM says that is fine he can live with us, but she's not paying child support. DH even says his anxeity level goes up when his son is around because he says "He knows he is a difficult child to deal with and my son is so much easier." I mean he is 15, not a child, but he had no rules at his BM home, he would do what he wanted, get what he wanted, etc. She would basically pay him off with things to not bother her. They live in a huge home and he always brags home much money his mom and step-dad have.
Anyway, I have rules, and when he lives with us he needs to follow our house rules, and I talked to my DH and he agreed. First of all his son doesn't eat healthy at all. Drinks cans of soda daily and sweets all the time. That is not allowed at my house, so now when he visits his grandparents he makes sure to let me know how much soda and junk food he had just to rub it in that he got his way.
He always makes fun of my DS10, and my DH tells him to stop constantly, but he keeps it up. We live in a 2 bedroom townhome, not very big, but it fine for a family of 3. Anyway he took over my DS10's room and yells at DS10 when he tries to go in there. Since we have only a 2 bedroom they have to share of room, but that wasn't working because DS10 likes soft music to play when he sleeps, but SS15 likes it silent, so he would turn off DS10 music and they would fight. So DS10 has been sleeping on an air mattress in our room while SS15 takes over DS10's room. And turned it into a complete mess. Well, enough is enough and yesterday DH cleaned up the room and told SS15 that he has to share a room with DS10 and he will just have to deal with sleeping with soft music since he sleeps half the time with the tv on anyway. SS15 freaked out and said it was too hot up in the room and he couldn't breathe and called his grandparents and said he wanted to go sleep there (mind you yesterday was actually a mild day, compared to the past couple weeks when it's been hot, but he was fine in the room before).
This is just a taste there is so much more like never listening calling DH a F**ing idiot and much more. I can't handle this. I don't understand why he would want to live with us now of all things? I feel like he wants to break up our marriage. I think he doesn't want to go back to his mom's because he is jealous because she now has 2-year-old twins and is pregnant again.
Also BM moved a year ago so SS15 went to one school for 8th grade, went to a new school for 9th grade, if he does stay here he will go to another new school for 10th grade and in a year or two we plan on moving south, so will go to yet another new school for 11th or 12th grade...I just don't think that is healthy for a kid, they need stability. He is pissed about that too, that we want to move, even though he had this planned for a while now. So that is way we are staying in the 2 bedroom townhome and not moving into a 3 bedroom right now, because it would make no sense to move and then move again in a year. DH is gradutating with a phyiscal therapy degree in May of next year and after that we want to move. I just don't know what to do. I know it is horrible to say but I want him to go back to living with his mother.