my oldest bio son starting to dislike SKID, just like me!
Like most of you, I do not like my skid (age 9) AT ALL. Anyhow, both of my biokids have always been fond of him, as is of course his father, so I figured out of our marriage/blended family the skid would at least get some brothers who love him and an ADVOCATE for his needs in me. (he's autistic, has lots of special needs).
However, things have changed recently in my oldest bioson's behavior toward ss9. And I think it's my fault. I think that my dislike for this skid is becoming transparent enough that it's possibly influencing my oldest son's feelings toward skid. I am perfectly happy not liking this kid, but I don't want my kids not to like him, as that makes my life with all 3 of them difficult when mine's being mean to skid and he's crying, etc. i'm the one left to clean up the mess.
My older bioson is very observant though, moreso than my younger son, and my husband. So, for HIM to 'feel' my dislike for skid doesn't surprise me, but I am worried that my feelings might be written all over my face, which of course, I don't want. I like to vent HERE about my dislike for his hot mess child, but I can't have the whole world looking at me like 'you evil bitch you don't love your poor autistic motherless stepson'....people who don't have skids don't understand!
should I have a talk with my older son about his new feelings for SKID, ask where they come from, etc? bioson is 10, but kind of wise beyond his years.
:?
Is there a valid reason why
Is there a valid reason why you don't like your step son? He's only 9 years old, what's there to not like?
In my opinion, kids are very intuitive and pick up on feelings.. there's a quote that says "Children are mirrors; they will always show you exactly what it is going on inside of you". Children also copy what their parents do, so if he sees you not interact nor engage with your step son, your son won't either. He's going to feel and learn from you until he gets old enough to decide for himself.
I don't think that what's best for you is what's important here, I think what's best for your son and your step son is what should matter. Do you only want them to get along and like each other so your life is made easier or because you want both of them to grow up into healthy young men who can respect each other? Because you can't expect your son to get along with your step son if you don't like him.
There are tons of REASONS why
There are tons of REASONS why I don't like my skid. are they "valid"? Well, I think anyone's feelings that they have are valid feelings whether the general population agrees with them or not. Anyway, i'm not going to write a list here of my reasons. Don't need to. I don't like him. I don't touch him, kiss him, hug him, cuddle him, engage with him, nothing. I feed him, take him to school, advocate for his special needs with doctors, IEP mtgs., therapists, coordinate care for other medical issues. I don't feel any affection for him at all. he is NOT MY KID. My sons have always LOVED him. My younger son and him are like peas and carrots. and it's nice, I like it for both of their sakes. My older son and skid don't have much in common as they are getting older. Skid is autistic and is at the developmental/social level of about a 5 year old, which is why he and my 7 yr old (who, too has some developmental delays and is kind of like a 5 yr old) get along so well. i am happy they have eachother. But I think my older son is starting to either (1). see my feelings and replicate them or (2) form his own opinions, and being at that age socially where 'fitting in' is so important, i think skids obvious disabilities embarrass him ???
and, yes, I think i CAN expect my sons to like skid even if I don't. I haven't liked him from DAY ONE and i've been in his life for 4 years now. my kids have both loved him up until just these past few weeks
I am sort of in the same
I am sort of in the same situation myself. My BF's S11 is a complete whiney, bratty, asswipe, and I cant stand him. When my BF has him EOWE I make sure that I am not there and go do my own thing with my son. I am and have been honest with my BF about my feelings for/towards his son and he accepts and respects them. We have a great relationship together. And once skid and bm rear their ugly heads all bets are off! I realize that all couples have their disagreements etc. but the one thing that causes the most stress, etc. is skid & bm! Everything is fine until bm starts her drama and my BF has his kid.
My son knows that I do not like my BF's kid. I do not hide it or lie to my son. Kids are smart and they pick up on everything, especially the negative stuff! My son, skid, and my BF and myself all used to be together ALOT in the beginning. Then I got to really see how and what skid was REALLY like! Whiney, bratty, sore loser, etc. and I just had had enough of it! At that point his kid was ALL HIS PROBLEM...NOT MINE!!! He never asked or expected me to ever do anything for or with his kid but still I just refused to be around him from that point on! His kid was a dink to my kid and pretty much a bully and I was done with listening to it and seeing it! On top of all the bs I had to deal with and listen to! Thankfully BF understood and still does.
Bottom line, if I were you I would talk to your son and ask him how he feels about skid and get to the root of the problem. I wouldnt mention anything about him not liking skid because you dont like him but see what he says FIRST. Make him feel as though he can tell you anything that he is feeling and struggling with in regards to skid. I know how very, very hard it is to date a man with a kid ESPECIALLY once the kid has gotten you to the point of no return and you wish he would fall off the face of the Earth lol. He is 10 so he is old enough in my opinion to have an open, honest talk with about how you both feel about skid.
I hope it all works out for you