First Post -
I was searching for an outlet to vent and came across this site. What a relief to find that I am not a horrible, mean-minded person for not getting along with my adult stepson. I married my husband 29 years ago, (after dating for a year) - his boys were 5 and 7 at the time. They came to stay with us every summer during grade school through high school and I developed a good relationship with my oldest stepson over the years, but could never connect with Sean, the youngest.
Now, Sean is 34 and it is a nightmare. He constantly tells his father what a bad dad he was and still is, that he is stupid, accuses him of not loving him, threatens my husband by saying he won't see be able to see the granddaughter - then he always asks for a "favor". The last favor was $7000.00 worth of renovations to his house so he could sell it. We spent the money and my husband worked 7 days a week for a month on Sean's house. After all the work was done he decided not to sell it. That is okay, but he doesn't work full-time and so needs help paying the house payment and bills - He says he can't work a regular job - you know the 8 hours a day kind.
I want to know why not - I work 7 days a week 12 hours a day, 50 weeks a year and I'm 59 years old.
Well...sounds like a couple
Well...sounds like a couple of things going on here.
1. SS resents the fact that his father was a part time, non-involved father growing up. (Summers only is NOT being involved.)
2. SS is using that resentment, and probably his father's guilt, to get what he wants.
3. SS is using you/DH financially.
So, stop giving him money. Simple. Stop bailing him out. At 34, he needs to figure this out. Crippling himself over his upbringing needs to stop.
What do you do that has you working 84 hours a week?? 12 hours a day, 7 days a week?? How's that even possible? dayum
1. SS lived in another state
1. SS lived in another state - his mom moved when she remarried - we went to see football, baseball games when we could. DH(dad/husband?) called 2 times a week. Then when SS was 10 they moved back in state and we had him every weekend, he came to live with us permentaly when he was 18. He stayed on and off until he married in 2005. He divorced in 2009.
2. Yes that is true
3. yes that is true too - but I will not push the issue with my husband and make it a choose issue
I am a Host Home Provider - 2 people with severe mental and physical disabilities live with us full-time, requiring 24/7 care. I have provided care for them the last 10 years.
Holy moly. Your work actually
Holy moly.
Your work actually LIVES with you? Huh.
If you are willing to have things continue as they have, I don't see anything you can really do. Sorry.
Thank you for listening - I
Thank you for listening - I needed that. Smiles
Yeah. You have a LOT of
Yeah. You have a LOT of patience.
Stop the money flow. You and
Stop the money flow. You and your DH are enabling.
Echo's right. It's time to
Echo's right. It's time to make him stand up . . or he never will. Hopefully it's not too late. Why can't he work full-time? Is he disabled? No, but why should he work full-time when he knows he can rely on you and his dad to bail him out and pay his bills?
He's taking terrible advantage of you both and your DH is enabling him. Stop paying his bills and make him man up and take care of himself. If he can't afford his mortgage, he should sell the house and rent something he can afford.