SKIDS SHARING A BEDROOM......
My BD21 is moving back home next month..she has been living out there for three years and going to school. This house has been my kids home for 13 yrs...23S, 21D, 16S. My DH kids, 8D and 12S have their own rooms in my home (2yrs) and they are here 12 days a month. I have 5 bedrooms..all occupied. My dilemma is where does my daughter fit back in? This is her home and I believe she should have a room. I feel skids can share a room being they are younger and only here 12 days a month. It will most likely be temporary, being my daughter will want to get a place with a friend. The problem is the BM...says she will call DYFS if they are "forced" to share a room! Seriously??? And my DH is scared she will...I have read up on this and there is no law that blood siblings can not share a room....any thoughts??
My topic was not about grown
My topic was not about grown children living at home, but about skids sharing a room...TEMPORARILY.
They are MY kids and they
They are MY kids and they will always be welcomed in my home.... and as for my oldest, he has a mild autism, but he does have a job and pays rent. My daughter is returning after finishing three years of schooling and my youngest is still in HS. Yes, eventually they will be sent out in the "real world" but for situations I do not need to go into, they need to be here.
I'm with newwife here. You
I'm with newwife here.
You have too many adults living there...and you should put ALL of your children/adult-should-be-on-their-own kids in their own rooms and making the minors who belong there share.
Your kids can be welcome...just don't make it so comfortable there's no incentive to leave.
Boy 12 and girl 8 sharing a
Boy 12 and girl 8 sharing a room and your 21D having her own room? Not good. Maybe your 21yr old can share a room with the 8yr old daughter 12 days a month...
I'm kind of in this boat but
I'm kind of in this boat but I would have suggested having the 16 y/o boy and the 12 y/o boy share for the temporary. But yeah, the 21 and the 8 could share too.
i agree with this the 21 yr
i agree with this the 21 yr old can have SD in room 12 days a month. i understand where you are coming from but a boy and girl sister and brother they may be but they really dont need to be sharing a room if other rooms available. plus then if you have them sharing room then that will will sit empty for the other 12 days.....
also i know the 21 yr old is your kid but do you really want to encouage comfort level for a 21 yr old?? the more comfortable the more she will want to stay too... i love my bios to death but when they get older and need help fine and dandy but they need to know its not there house anymore and i hope they want to be independent....
It's your home and your
It's your home and your children who have grown up in that home. Make the skids share a room. It's not going to kill them!!
I may have a bit of a
I may have a bit of a different perspective on this. My SS was forced to sleep on the floor when he visited his SpermIdiot on CO'd visitation while the spawn of the live in GF had the bedrooms and beds. We did not tolerate that crap for a second and owned the SpermIdiot's ass until he made sure our son (my SS) had a bed while he was on visitation. We did not demand that DickHead provide him a room of his own but we damned sure required a bed for him. Specially when the live in GF's non related spawn had beds.
In your case I believe your proposed solution is a good one. Full time residents of the home should have a room for their use. Part time residents can use a guest room. Older children should have their own room if possible. Younger kids can share. If there are not enough rooms for each to have their own then they can double/triple/quadruple/etc.... up.
However, every kid should have a bed.
As for BM calling CPS .... let her. Then enjoy it when CPS hands her ass back to her on a platter for wasting their time.
When we visit my parents for the holidays my brother and his family are also usually there. All of the cousins (my 1 and my brothers 3) share a room and they all prefer it that way. The count is 3 boys and 1 girl. When they were young they loved it and now that they are older they still love it. My son (SS) is 20, my niece is 19, nephew is 16 and nephew is 11. They all gravitate to the the room which has two trundle beds. When the kids are all there the pull out the trundles and each get their own bed. They usually stay up most of the night catching up and goofing off. There is no crime in them sharing a room just as there is no crime in your Skids sharing a room.
All IMHO of course.
Good luck with this PITA BM. I am sooo glad we are now out from under the CO that requires us to deal with my Skids SpermClan.
I appreciate everyone's
I appreciate everyone's input....good and bad. I have a very large house (5 bedrooms). SS12 bedroom has bunkbeds, double on bottom and single on top with two large dressers. The room that the sd8 is in was actually my daughter's room, and the ss12 took over my 23 yr old room and he moved downstairs to the spare room...and he PAYS RENT! When my DH moved in two years later, she took that room for the 12 days a month. Everyone right now has their own room. As for resentment among the skids, yeah they are disrespectful little brats!!! They walk into my home and not acknowledge no one, including me....THAT IS ANOTHER STORY! Anyway, reasons my daughter is coming home is very sad, so I want her to feel wanted and comfortable when she is her and gets on her feet with a job, etc. She is a very independent young lady with a good head on her shoulders...she lived out in CA for three years on her own. My almost 17 yr old no way will share a room with ss12..he is a total slob and acts like he is 5! To have my kids share is more of a hassle that just moving the sd8 into her brothers room. Most of her things, toys, desk, etc can stay in that room, I just want my daughter to have a bed of her own...well actually that bed is hers anyway, minus all the piss stains on it....lol!
Yes they are here PT, where my kids are here 24/7. I feel it would not hurt the spoiled brats to share a room for a few months, a couple days a week. As for the BM....I could give a rat's ass what she thinks....the brats will not be able to wait to go home and tell Mommy...another thing that pisses me off...they go back to that cow and tell her out right lies.....like "daddy was sleeping on the couch all night" ( he is a shiftworker and that particular night he was taking a nap (at 8pm) before we was to go into work at 11pm...they were getting ready for bed anyway...or "daddy was int he bedroom all night with Sue"....When they are here in disengage to my room so the brats can have our 55in TV in our livingroom, so yes he comes in and out during the night....it happens with everything!!
Skids have bedrooms at their
Skids have bedrooms at their BM's house to call their own. Bio kids get only one bedroom, and they should not have to share their room with skids. Skids can suck up the sharing for the short time they're not at home. If this was your daughter's home for 13 years, and she needs to come back for whatever reason, then she should have her room back. The skids are the intruders in your house, and your bio kids have to deal with sharing enough with them as it is. Your bio kids don't go to the skid's house and use their bedrooms, food, tv, computer, hair products, phone, DVD player, playstation, swimming pool, etc. I bet any amount of money that the skids wouldn't like intruders in their house at all, but they think it's okay to take over someone else's home. I'd like to see a day set aside when our bio kids can go to the skid's houses and use them for all that they have, and break their things too. But, the only thing that happens is BMs send their undisciplined offspring to our houses and expect their kids to have the best of everything there as well. That's why most skids are all spoiled, entitled brats.
96 Tears....You are so right!
96 Tears....You are so right! They have their own rooms at BM house and do not have to share with no one there...not even BM boyfriend's kids...she live 1,000 miles away with her BM. So of course when they come here, they think they can run this house like they do at home...NOT!! Believe me, I would be willing to do all the suggestions I have seen on here two years ago, but what I have lived through and experienced with these brats is unreal!! My DH makes comments at times how he is jealous of me for having such great kids and how he can hold an intelligent convo with my 16 yr old....he is very mature. I have learned to disengage when they are here...go to my room, go to a friends, shop, etc. My DH is left there to deal with the "princess and the slug". I would of had no problem help raising my skids if they were respectful and behaved, but they are not...they walk all over "Daddy" and he does anything for them not to get mad at him...give me a break!! They always tell my DH that they like it here, it is so quiet...that is because no one what to be around the brats and we all leave!! Sometimes I do think why did I marry and just live together..i would not feel so guilty at times. I have told my DH how I felt before be got married so its not secret. Love is blind....he can not see what his kids are all about, or maybe he does, but we definitely see what they are all about..very manipulative little slobs!
My skids, SD12 and SS15,
My skids, SD12 and SS15, share our den as their bedroom. They each have a futon, plenty of warm blankets, pillows, TV, VCR, and DVD player. It's quite comfortable actually. They make a mess out of it every other weekend. My daughter left home in May after graduating college. There's no way I'm giving her nice, clean bedroom to either one of the slugs that come here EOW. The den is good enough for them, and if they don't like it, they can stay home in their own rooms. My husband suggested they each have their own room in our house, but I have now turned my daughter's room into my office because I'm a seller on Ebay. The room is no longer available. End of story.
I do not agree with the 8year
I do not agree with the 8year old girl and 12year old boy sharing a room at all. I understand wanting to let your DD come home. I also understand being upset that the skids are brats.
But I think you are looking at problems if you put a 12yr boy in a room with a 8yr girl.
Edit to add...here in Texas, it is against the law to do what you are suggesting. At least it is for apartments.
In my state, a boy and girl
In my state, a boy and girl sharing a room is only an issue if you are receiving any kind of state aid. So, tell BM to kiss off.
I have a step sister and when
I have a step sister and when she started staying with us (every weekend) she stayed i my room with me and my sister, then when we moved she continued to come and share my room. she is a few years older than me and i feel sharing with her bought us closer together. she is now one of my best friends who i love dearly! I think your daughter could share with SD. it wouldn't be lots and as you said she will be moving out so there is no point in making a massive deal about it. I also feel that with my SKids although our baby is here more than them, this is there house too even if the are at BMs house more so how they feel does still matter. It needs to be fair.
When former SD moved in with
When former SD moved in with us, we had a two bedroom condo. My DS (12 then) shared the 2nd bedroom with the two SSs who were there every other weekend.
SD slept on the sofa in the living room and complained all the time about it and tried calling CPS on us because we wouldn't give her the other bedroom and make my son sleep on the sofa.
I can tell you in our state, CPS didn't give one darn if kids were sleeping on the sofa or sleeping bags or anything. Let your BM call, they won't care. As long as the kids have a roof over their heads, they're fine to CPS. There's no law anywhere about kids having their own room.
ITS TEMPORARY PEOPLE!! I
ITS TEMPORARY PEOPLE!! I think for 24-36 nights over a two/three month period, a biological brother and sister can sleep in bunk beds and not cause any mental issues or long lasting effects for either one of them. Understand, MY kids can not stand their step siblings...they are selfish, disrespectful and act live no one lives here but their dad...and it's MY house! This is MY kids home..they do not have a "second" home with own rooms and all the trimmings! If my DH had to move out, I am sure he would have to get a two bedroom place and then they still would have to share a room...for longer than a couple of months.
I don't see the problem with
I don't see the problem with SS and SD sharing a room for that brief amount of time. One or the other or both of them are usually in the living room with the big TV, it sounds like. So we're talking about being in the same room in bunkbeds while sleeping. My cousins and I used to sleep in the same room, just like Rags described. Or we'd all sleep in a camper. My DS and DD sometimes both sleep in the living room on separate couches, like a slumber party, or have slept in a tent together. I'm not just being naive; I know for a fact nothing unsavory has gone on. I'm glad there is vigilance here for creepy goings-on, but really...this does not have to be made to sound so dirty, when it's not. I firmly believe this will not scar the skids and that BM is just a trouble-stirrer.
We had this issue last year
We had this issue last year when my daughter came home for a couple of months.....One night I heard SS say "where is cindy sleeping" as he is on the phone with his "Mommy". DH says, "do not worry about it"..the SS says "well mommy wants to know"...they only way "Mommy" knew of anything is because the Skids go back and tell "Mommy" everything!! That night I said "What goes on in this house, stays in this house"!! My DH tells me "please do not be mad at them, cunt physically gets information out of them...OMG...Please!!!