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He will soon have them full time

Claire2012's picture

:? Bf and father of my 5 month old already puts his kids from previous marriage first
Pays child support of course and they live with there mother in his fathers rent house for little to nothing etc
Now the mom is getting remarried and moving to another state and wanted to take children
Bf said no and is taking kids full time. Me and our daughter are to fit in are go about our own.
I didn't get asked or discussed about this but told I'm getting my kids live with us or don't
They already rule his life he puts everythi g before them Including our daughter
I'm in worst position I do not want that life and I do not agree With takin kids away from there mother whom always
Was there main care taker

TASHA1983's picture

Wow! What a selfish, inconsiderate prick your BF is to your and your daughter!

I get that he wants to be there for his kids and be a good dad, good for him, but for him not to talk to you about this EXTREME change in BOTH of your lives is unacceptable.

I am sorry that you have to deal with a man like this. He seriously needs to shape up or ship the f*** out!

Trinka's picture

well - i dont think he is "taking the kids away from their mother" - if she isnt putting up a fight seems she doesnt want them.
CS is his obligation as a bio-dad. and her living in his dads house has nothing to do with your BF. thats between her and his dad.

that being said - i know it seems like your getting the shaft that he didnt include you in his decision - but the decision is a no brainer. if he wants the kids and mom wants to give them up - then he needs to be a dad and be the primary caregiver of his kids. i would commend him for that instead of giving him a hard time.

obviously there is more to the story - since you said his kids come first.

just remember: you knew he had children with another woman before you had yours with him. if you dont want or accept his kids; maybe you should rethink your relationship.

Claire2012's picture

The child support and place of living were brought up due to the lack of finanicial help with us so yes you are correct there is way more to the story. And yes I knew he had kids but one must think what is best for the children and I assure you living with him full time is not it.
If you have questions before sharing opinion ask

Claire2012's picture

No I agree with you and you are correct he is a bully and I already assumed a bullied her on this.

StickAFork's picture

When you hook up with a man who has children, this is ALWAYS a possibility. Why don't women get that??

I married XH when he had 15-20% custody. A few years in, we had her 99% of the time. She went for 2 days to see her mom every 2-3 months. That was it.

Kudos to your BF for having balls to tell you, "These are my kids. They need me. I will be raising them, because that's what good fathers do."

Now, it sure would have been nice of him to have a conversation with you about this beforehand, but I don't know that would have changed anything.
You don't want him to have his kids. He does.

Claire2012's picture

He has a daughter with me as we'll so I'd say your opinion is correct however should be for all his children not just previous

Want my life back's picture

Get the these are MY kids, I hate that, it's like don't question me on anything- they are MY KIDS. NO negotiating.
You have a life, and a new baby. Yes we all know that DH had children but I'm sure we both don't know the true implications of becoming involved. Lack of communication will only breed resentment and hostility towards DH and the skids.
Who will be cooking, cleaning, washing/ironing , school runs, after school activity runs- food shopping.
Big fcuking red flag---I can't stand the skids just visiting now - If DH let them walk through the front door permanently that would be the day I'd walk- maybe the DH needs to be told this but hey no negotiating.

WTHDISUF's picture

The biggest issue here is that he is making unilateral decisions even though they impact your life and the life of your mutual child greatly. He is totally disrespecting you by Not discussing this with you and not addressing the custody change legally in court. If Mom is leaving them, the child support order needs to be flipped to her. I don't know what history is but at face value, you seem like someone with no value at all in this relationship (other than babysitter now) in his eyes.

You had a kid with this dick so you have to decide if you're going to keep being 3rd tier of if you're going to move along and try to recreate a better life for you and your child.

Claire2012's picture

Now I was told tonight he is having problems with all of "this"
When the mom leaves he is moving into his fathers house the kids and her are in and he doesn't want to have any of his kids (that are older) to give up there room for our baby so she would need to stay in "our" room and he says he knows I would bitch about that so he is unsure about us. When he says give up room meaning making the upstairs media loft a room would be unfair and he couldn't do that ..

Want my life back's picture

Sounds like the only people he is concerned about is
#1 the skids
#2 himself
#3 the new baby
#4 You
This man is not worth it, get out and start a life of your own with your baby.

mskaye2012's picture

GTFOH,
Ok so he says he is moving into his father's house to take care of the kids. He is giving you an ultimatum and testing you. Do you know what I would do? I would say ok since you are taking care of your other kids, then you can take care of the baby too and I will leave. It's only fair that you take care of all the kids. Don't you think for one minute he would be ok with taking care of any of his kids on his own. He is playing on your fear and forcing you to accept it instead of compromising and working with you. He is playing mind games, so play some of your own.

Claire2012's picture

He knows I wouldn't leave my baby with him mostly because I've expressed he shouldn't raise his kids full time that he should let them
Go with there mother.

TASHA1983's picture

Has he hinted to you or made you feel like he doesnt want to be with you anymore? What is going on hun?

Claire2012's picture

Yes I tried to get away today he begged and stopped me claiming
He knows he has treated me wrong he is sorry
Changes will be made please dont go etc
I really am lost and scared of my future. I lost my mom
Months before meeting him maybe my choice of men at time
Was due to not wanting to deal with grief idk
I'm sorry to post such just no one to talk to or turn.

TASHA1983's picture

If it takes a woman saying shes going to leave or actually does leave to open her mans eyes for him to change more likely than not that change will only be TEMPORARY!!!

Do what is BEST & RIGHT for you and your own kid(s)...fuck him and his brats!!!

You know in your heart what the right choice is in your situation and I wish you and yours the very best. Smile

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Please do not go with this man. If he treats you and your baby like that you baby daughter will grow up with serious issues. Get some state help financially and move out right away. This man is selfish and a bully. He is not right for you.

Claire2012's picture

9,12,and13 I have hard time too thinking mother would found out today she filed motion to modify in court but I don't know yet if its to take them or give them to him
I know I need to go I'm hoping for something that isn't there for me and my daughter
Such a lonely feeling

Claire2012's picture

UPDATE
He got served she wasn't planning on leaving them she asking for notification etc
You won't believe what he called today and said to me

Claire2012's picture

UPDATE
He got served she wasn't planning on leaving them she asking for moditfy order etc
You won't believe what he called today and said to me

Claire2012's picture

Today this afternoon he calls me said I need to talk I just got served and I need you to know they will call you on stand ..do not tell them shit
me and my family will not make it pleasant for you