The Clothing Issue
I am SM to two children (SS is 12 and SD is 9) with a 3-year-old son of our own with my husband. BM has recently been trying to get her act together to take the kids from Sunday through Wednesday. In theory this sounded great, but it began causing an unforeseen problem. You see, my stepchildren go to a school where they have to wear uniforms. So when BM picks up kids on Sundays they are always wearing an outfit from our house and we pack their school uniforms for them to wear. When we pick them up from school on Wednesdays, she NEVER returns their outfits from the weekend (because she claims this is unfair to the kids to have to bring clothes to school in their backpacks), and often doesn't return outfits for weeks. I'm tired of buying new clothes for my stepchildren only for them to end up getting hoarded at BM's house.
So this weekend when she picked them up, we put them in their school uniforms (so that no more outfits would end up at her house) and she was livid. She claims that this is minutia and we are hurting the kids by doing this - that they need ownership of their things. But can't she see that she is hurting the kids by not returning any of their clothes? She pulls the victim card and complains that she only has one change of clothes for them if she returns clothes to our house... but she refuses to buy them more than one change of clothes!
It's just very frustrating and I don't want to put the kids in the middle of it. But we can't afford to keep buying them clothes because she doesn't feel like buying any herself or returning the ones that we bought. Any ideas on how to peacefully solve this problem without breaking the bank?
Thanks for your suggestion,
Thanks for your suggestion, BLM. The only problem is that we possess zero clothes from BM's house (the only clothes we ever have at our house are the clothes that we purchased) and she is angry that we would think to make the kids wear uniforms on the weekend during the custody transfer. Putting the kids in their school uniforms on Sundays honestly seems like the only solution for us if we want to keep their play outfits that we purchased. I sometimes feel like I am forced into being the Wicked Stepmother.
If she is picking them up,
If she is picking them up, she should be bringing back the last outfits they wore to her house. If she refuses, the kids go to her in the uniforms...it's pretty simple, really. If she doesn't want to cooperate, SHE is "hurting the kids," not you.
Thanks. I guess I really just
Thanks. I guess I really just needed some validation that I am doing the right thing. She said some nasty things to me today that made me question myself.
You are doing the right
You are doing the right thing. If she refuses to pack clothes for the kids, then they wear uniforms and that's that. SD12 takes her weekend bag with her to school EO Friday when it's our weekend. She leaves it in the office and picks it up on her way out of school. BMs usually like to play the victim card and call out others for their bad behavior. Fuck that.
I would continue to send them
I would continue to send them to BM in their uniforms. If BM needs clothes for HER house then BM can purchase them herself. We had similar issues with our BM. SD9 lives here full time and only visits BM on the weekends. BM would take whatever outfit SD was wearing when she went there (always a nice clean outfit) and keep it for her house. She would send SD home in nasty, dirty, stained, full of holes outfits. After a while we just started sending SD to BM in the same nasty outfits she came in on Sundays. I would wash them but she would wear them to BM's on Fridays. BM had meltdowns over this but we didn't stop. It's HER kid, at HER house. She only pays a measly $25 a month in child support. She can buy SD clothes and whatever else she needs while SD is there. BM has a huge entitlement attitude. Shge thinks the world owes her something.