Good for you. I haven't recognized my steps at Christmas of b-days for decades.

I've been blessed that "so far" my ss is a good careing kids. I'm not the type that can disengaged. I would just leave.

I'm with you girl...it's a skid free Christmas for me two years in a row...WOOOWHOOO!!! }:)

Have a good peaceful holiday. i can only wish.

I'm enjoying it too! I already bought step gkids Christmas presents last Jan (when I do the shopping, after Christmas). It was no biggie to wrap them. They are for children so I don't mind.

Christmas was the impetus that made me disengage last yr. I legitimately did not go due to not feeling well. I later found out SDIL was talking "hatefully" about me (musings from sd) because I didn't come. SD called my DH frantically, worried the family was falling apart. Never mind her DH didn't show as usual. I was somehow a barometer of where things were at with dad. I realized from Wednesday Martin's (right name?) book, this has to do with the fear that my withdrawing indicated they would have less access to their dad. It seemed that basically, they were okay with status quo (backstabbing, rude behavior), but found it unacceptable that I would not want to be around them.

The nice thing is, I'm enjoying myself and without any of the usual knot in stomach business. It's really nice. I will be able to focus on the actual reason we are celebrating this holiday more! For that I am very thankful.

This is my very first Christmas, steps and inlaw free. I have been looking forward to Christmas for weeks. Usually I am in knots and suffer anxiety from October onwards when the pressure would start. FIL lives 4 hours away and expected our attendance every year and preferably for a week. In his eyes I had no family, no grandchildren. Sure he knew there were some around, but they were not italian, and they were not important. When the patriach summons, God help those who do not jump.

So, as a direct result of SD getting into FIL's ear, FIL involving himself in things that were none of his concern and he knew nothing about, and FIL telling SD's boyfriend that he could come to my home anytime he liked and just ignore me. For Christmas this year, FIL gave me the key to the door. I unlocked it walked out and I am free. Free to enjoy Christmas and my life SK's and Inlaw free.

No more drama, no more demands, no more never being able to make anyone happy. No more twisitng myself inside out to try and make this blended family thing work. For years I have sent cards, made phone calls. For years they have not phoned or sent cards. I just ignore it and send out the cards each Christmas, I did not complain to DH, didn't say a word, just kept on doing what I always did and mentioned it to no one. This year, although it felt odd, I did not send one card to anyone in DH's family circle, and you know what. I feel better for it. I was only helping them make a fool of me anyway.

I am going to enjoy Christmas surrounded by my children, grandchldren and other family and friends, people whom I love and who love me. Guilt free. This will be the first of many. Thank you stepdaughter for setting the wheels in motion so that I may have the happiest Christmas I have had in years. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wow reading all these posts, it's so sad what collectively we have suffered as a result of this situation and I can fully relate to the knots in the stomach. I hear you all around the disengagement, my question is, how do you then handle the situation when DH returns from seeing them? For me personally I don't want to hear about them, but do you explicitly tell DH not to mention their names? And if yes, how does this impact your relationship with DH?

Candy. DH has not said he will visit his father. So I can only speculate here. Should he go. That's fine. But when he returns I want to know nothing. After what these people have put me through. I'm done.

When DH has spoken to his father on the phone the last few months I have not asked how he is. I do not want to know.

We have not been up to see him since February and to be honest I would be very surprised if he goes up now. But whatever. A few days on my own for the first time in years would be nice.

I drove 6 hours of an 8 hour drive to visit FIL In hospital in June last year. His precious granddaughter did not phone once. FIL instead of being happy to see DH and myself. Shot the block because we did not stay long enough. He then said if he went into hospital again we were not to be told. Worse, if he died he did not want us at his funeral. FIL will get part of his wish. I will not attend his funeral.

All of this began the week before FIL went into hospital. Sd rang him to say we would not go and see her baby. She failed to mention DH had been told if he wanted to see It, he had to leave me by her boyfriend. So after winding up an 88 year old man who was going into hospital for a boatload cancer operation. She did not bother to see him till the baby was about 5 months old. Then a year later. When she really laid it on for him because daddy would not go and see her.

FIL has cast DH and myself out of his life because his lying granddaughter shed a few tears and said she had no one. Mum was dead and daddy would not see her. FIL for whatever reason. And without talking to us. Just wiped us. So no. I am not interested in the melodramatics if this family. I do not want to talk to or of them ever again.

DH supported his daughter for 8 years while she abused, ignored and humiliated me. I banned her from my home in August last year. That is why she made the trip to see FIL. He thinks it was to see him. It wasn't. It was to get him to punish
Daddy and to get him to make het father tell me she was allowed to come here. Hence FIL telling her and her boyfriend to come to my home anytime they liked and ignore me. Well as I said DH set all this in motion. And now DH is going to have to deal with the consequences of it

I am happy to be out of the nonsense. I want to know nothing. They do not exist as far as I'm concerned. I am so happy it is finally all over.

If DH goes up there then it will be up to him to walk on egg shells with me. He will now have to bite his tongue and watch what he says. That used to be my job. Could not say anything about his family without him flying into a defensive rage. I wish him luck. It is a very stressful life.

Wow you have been through so much and I can see how much pain this has caused you. When I hear these stories and reflect in my own, I honestly feel like it would have been easier to never have entered into this relationship. I often ask people in this situation, if you knew then what you know now, would you have gotten into this relationship and to be honest, the answer for me is no. In fact, sometimes I think it would have been easier to just stay in my marriage. Is that a horrible thing to say?

Well seems a few of us will really know the true meaning of Christmas this year - Peace and Goodwill. What a lovely feeling it is. I'm not going to beat myself up for not doing this years ago, but I do wish I had. Still, better late than never. Merry Christmas everyone.

Ps: CandyLou, NO, if I had known then what I know now. I would never have gotten into this relationship. I was silly, my husband's entire family is dysfunctional. It has been passed down through the generations and it is not nice. The people who married into this all struggle. But it helps they are Italian, so I guess they understand the culture better and have more to lose by stepping out of it as they come from Italian families too and what other people think is everything.

Still, all good. I am finally done. Loooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee It.