Huge meeting tomorrow with BM.. Attend or not??
Ok, so after such a ridiculous amount of drama going on here, finally tomorrow my fiance(FDH) and his MIL and BM are going to have a sit down conversation with regard to BM's behavior
(Again read other blog entries of mine if you want the whole backstory but basically BM calls 10x a day, always is in my FDH's business, had framed pics of FDH and BM all over her house, they have no schedule with my SD5 and MIL sided with me and said BM was intolerable and had to stop, FDH finally agreed with us and then BM told FDH that MIL was talking bad about me to BM)
The 3 of them are going to meet tomorrow and BM also said in her annoying as fuck and manipulative way that if I wanted to also speak with her about anything then I could. I have been wanting to call her out for her behavior since the beggining but had thought that FDH was going to resolve things way better than he has. Now MIL is telling me that I probably shouldnt go to the meeting tomorrow because it will only end in BM causing more drama and maybe us fighting. I cant wait to go to the meeting to call her out to her face and am hoping my FDH will see even more of what a manipulative bitch she is. I am not scared of her at all and I dont really care if she wants to cause drama, I want to go to speak my peace.
What do you guys think????
God I wish I freaking knew
God I wish I freaking knew why he is so involved, now is supposed to be the BIG change but I am having trouble having faith it is actually going to work out.. Thats why I wanna be there to WITNESS how he acts and how she acts ya know??
Absolutely not. If you
Absolutely not. If you attend it will turn into a catfight and nothing will be resolved.
UPDATE!! Ok so I appreciate
UPDATE!! Ok so I appreciate all the advice, I took it all into consideration from both sides and I went to the meeting today. Pretty much everybody was right, ie:
"MIL and FDH are going to "straighten out" BM? Just wait til she turns on the tears.
BM has leverage, because she has the kids. So she's also in a powerful position. Your FDH is the only one who can set some boundaries and expectations for these two women.
The person who needs to change is FDH but none of you want to recognize that. You want to blame BM and accuse her of encroaching boundaries but BM can't overstep something that does not exist."
ALL TRUE! Here is how it went, MIL, FDH and I went to BM's house, first FDH, MIL and BM all spoke for about a freakin half an hour, then me, BM and FDH spoke again for about the same amount of time. (FDH had requested it this way and I agreed, since we were going to discuss the same things but also different specific issues).
I went in calm, knew what I was going to say and went over it beforehand with FDH, made him agree to not disagree with anything that I said so we would be a team. BM had an excuse for everything. Her main excuse for her calls was that FDH doesnt have any idea what he is doing as a parent and I dont help(I have been disengaged on the parenting side from the beggining but get along great w SD5) so she always has to call and remind him of everything. She ranted on about how Sd5 needs to wake up and eat at and go to sleep at the same time whether she is at our place or hers. I said regardless of anything she has to respect our privacy and our relationship.
She eventually apologized for the pics in her house, alleges that she didnt realize they were there (BULLSHIT!) And said she wont call anymore. As long as her child is cared for EXACTLY how she does at her house. I (maybe a mistake) told her if that was all she was worried about then I would personally make sure SD5 was fed, bathed, etc. to a resonable degree if that would make her stop calling.
I felt pretty good afterwards coz I said my piece and I proved my point and also said exactly what I think of her to her ugly face. But I feel kind of let down by FDH.
Here are the main problems, FDH didnt say a DAMN WORD practically the entire freaking conversation!!!!! Exept to say that he wishes things didnt have to be like this, that she should call him if Sd5 is sick or hurt, and also to say that the pics were not there before because he had been there before and they werent there.
We have yet to discuss things only FDH and I because we took Sd5 after the meeting. Is this a lost cause or what?
ps- he does not wish to seek counseling although I offered to pay for it even. I did not insist but might try asking again...
Yes that alone was worth
Yes that alone was worth going to the meeting.
To call her ass out, have FDH agree with me and have BM actually apologize! Thanks for the support!!! And yes, I will make sure if she doesnt keep up her end of the bargain to nip it in the bud and get through to her head (and his for that matter) that it is ME and HIM as a team NOT HIM and HER.
Totally agree with you! And,
Totally agree with you! And, yes it is absurd that BM SAYS she wants the same schedule, really I think it is just an excuse because she really just wants total control over FDH and SD5 and saying that she is just being a "good mother" and worrying about her kid is a manipulative tactic. ie: FDH told her he would put SD5 to bed early even if he had to go lie down with Sd5 to help her go to sleep, and that is exactly what he did last night. Anyways I will remind him of doing proper childcare and help out a bit more and wait and she if BM really holds up her end of the bargain by not bothering us.
Yea, I defintely feel like he
Yea, I defintely feel like he in some form likes the attention but I am not so sure if it is because he likes attention from her or, but more like you said, he does feel like he doesnt know what hes doing in parenting and he wants someone to help him. So I'm going to test taking on that role to see if it improves things. (GOD ANYTHING to get BM out of my hair!)
Just to clarify on his statement on the pics, he was on my side and when BM tried to say the pics were always there and she never noticed, he rebuttled by saying they were not always there and someone recently put them there. She then blamed her mom and sister again but whatever we all know shes lying.