SS who cares
My SS is getting mad at me. He becomes upset when I do not eat and I want to know how to reply. The thing is, I starve myself from time to time up to 3 days and try to hide that from SS and others. He knows the truth and sees my weight loss. Should I lie, be honest, or eat then puke when I don't want to eat? SS is 17 nearing 18 and knows of my eating disorder. He does not know that my goal is to become 80 lbs again nor does my husband. I'm 5 foot 3 inches currently at 104 lbs and feel fat! How much should I share and please don't advise me to lie. Just been trying to avoid the topic. He now won't eat if I don't and I hate this. I want out of my body, think I'm disgusting, lack control in my life which is why I suffer from this, but I want to weigh what my body won't be healthy with.
This is not his problem nor his issue, please help me not pull him down if you know how. I don't want to stop, let this control go, or get better cause I like my unhealthy line of thinking when it comes to my body. It keeps guys at bay and makes me feel sexy as a person. My husband does not even know what I see in the mirror. He thinks its a problem of my past.
Wow, It looks like you've
Wow, It looks like you've been hacked.
What u mean??
What u mean??
God why do I try to be honest
God why do I try to be honest here... :?
You sound like you're fully
You sound like you're fully aware that you have an eating disorder.
Are you currently seeking professional help?
As for SS (and your DH, as well) I think you should be honest. Tell them you have an eating disorder (if they don't already know) and that you are starving/purging yourself. And you need help. These men seems to care about you, and you need to let them in.
No I am not seeking help nor
No I am not seeking help nor intend on doing so. I like my problem and the feeling of control of myself this way. It should not make sense to you but it does with me. DH knows about my anorexia and knows that pushing me only makes its worse. We do our thing without stressing that and I do eat on most days but the other days are otherwise. Food scares me to no end and there are textures that I don't know how to overlook.
SS knows I have a problem and he does care. My SD wishes me dead for her own reasons and that is easier for me then having a Skid who does care. Help me please in not messing him up. He is smart though failing school but this is not any issue that should ever weigh on his mind. Do I lie and claim I ate to him which I rather be honest or what other option is out there??
Honestly. and im sorry say
Honestly. and im sorry say but you need some help. i understand that you are saying that you don't want to, and i get that. i don't like doing things like that either. but you are 5'3 and the average weight for a person of the height is 118lbs. you already said you are under that, you are damaging your life and body by doing what you are doing.
your SS is proving a point to you. You dont eat, so i wont. Why is what you are doing to your self okay for you and not for him?
Please seeing a doctor.
No there are millions of
No there are millions of others that have this too. Many don't talk about it though. DH does know and has somewhat of an idea but I still keep much of which to myself. Its not understood by most and varies with each. Thing is, I actually like my problem and the controlling over my body. It may or may not be normal..I dunno! Just don't want it to pull others down.
I'm in and out of the hospital to receive fluids when I can't stop throwing up but I mainly starve myself not force vomiting. When I vomit..its usually due to being sick or not drinking fluids. On the other hand, water makes me vomit whether its in a bottle or through the tap. I'm so thirsty much of the time that I drink fluids then end up having diarrhea. Yea its sounds gross I'm sorry but just being honest.
This is Starla now, DH had
This is Starla now, DH had gone to bed. He will be on another time to repost I'm sure.
I shared this post with DH for other reasons. I was highly offended with OCC's comment with another and my DH did not understand why I became upset over just a post. It had nothing to deal with me but OCC responded, seriously he was an ass and that had offended me as a person who suffers from this crap. It is not you but I still feel mad and think he was out of line. Just saying what and why I feel what I do, am upset at the moment still.
It should be DH replying to you which he still may only it will be another day if he does. I want to get over this more then words can say. All and all, I'm afraid of letting control go so I think which tells me that I want the problem. Honestly, I'm just so scared and feel so alone most of the time. My issue would make you proud if you knew how far I have come. I'm already 104 lbs! That is a lot for me. Being blunt now, I need help as others made me see, honestly though..that may be not the case tomorrow. OCC makes me feel like shit and not worthy of being loved which is one thing BUT I can't sit back and watch him pounce on another for seeking help.
I would rather leave it at that here in open chat. Very open to private in any case. Also, I promise that I will show your message to DH when he has a chance to reply if he chooses. Saturday night at the soonest.
Thank you for caring and please know that BOTH DH and I respect your thoughts. You appear to know what you are talking about unlike several others.
You have a heart of gold and
You have a heart of gold and I give you that. I respect you and what I have seen you reply to others. I'm trying to reach out as in I want to be over it but enough of feeling unworthy of being loved due to not being perfect. I can't sit back and hear others being an ass talking when they are truly making the good people feel wrong. I'm pissed with OCC and tripped from another post under eating disorder and his dumbass answer where he just wanted to get his two cents in. Seriously if I was half as perfect as OCC, I would kill myself cause I would have no point anymore.
I know that I am feeling
I know that I am feeling extreme for what I said. My thoughts are always very high and low like this but I know that OCC hurts others feelings and can't understand why. Guess I hurt me b4 others as he hurts others b4 himself.
Hmmm I don't know what to say
Hmmm I don't know what to say to that. Want to hurt others, no! Trust doctors, no! Rather feel skinny and fit into jeans that DH wants me to buy. I'm in juniors for clothes and told DH that it makes me feel fat and want to keep my weight down. He just has the guy thoughts and I'm a sex object so to speak. I think my husband has a problem too only he eats to much to say he does. He is skinny as well and suffers from IBS so we may or may not be toxic for one another too in the weight department.
Sweetie you are sick, there
Sweetie you are sick, there are other ways of having control over your life and body.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEEK HELP!
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
If you don't want to get
If you don't want to get professional help then you need to get out of these peoples lives so when you die young it won't be so traumatic for them. Think of them instead of yourself.
DH of Starla here, I think
DH of Starla here, I think that you are a jackass to say that to my wife. DW showed me this post to bring to my attention her reemerging problem. All in this family are aware of my wife's anorexia and I was made aware of it before we were married.
My wife is doing better with her problem now than she in her entire adult life. We don't need your rude callus opinion.
sorry not you, I hit the
sorry not you, I hit the wrong button to late. My bad!
SS is really smart about
SS is really smart about catching on and he does know when/if another person is down about something. The reason I do not intend on seeking help, is bc this is the best I have been since age 6 with eating. I'm trying to keep a positive focus and not fall backwards in doing so. The dream of 80 lbs has been since age 11 and I wont attempt trying to get there.
I like learning ways to be strong and I fear that doctors will want to just drug me up. I think 104 lbs is great considering that I kept slipping under 100 lbs for quite some time there. It can't be that bad or what we all see on tv cause I have been to the doctors and they don't say anything about my weight. The downfall is I don't feel hungry when anxious. Anxiety medication would probably help with that.
Thank you Gabriels Mom for the link, I will look into it. Having an eating disorder does hurt other people, wish I would have learned that years ago. That right there is reason enough to overcome it and I do think that I have been doing great with that without professional help.
sueu2 yes I have wanted to talk with somebody about it. I don't talk with friends or family about it just my DH. I'm not trying to use SS in reaching out, I don't know how to approach this with him when he sees my appetite drop. The last time I lost weight was when I was trying to keep up with a busy schedule and consumed energy drinks. I did it for energy and learned that it fools your brain into thinking your full. Completely by accident so I had cut back on them. Its gratifying coming this far by working through day to day issues and what I have learned from it.
SS will be devastated if your
SS will be devastated if your eating disorder kills you. Your weight may be safe for now, sufficient to stave off heart issues, etc. But as you know, these things can spiral out of control, although what you think you are gaining IS control. A therapist might be useful to maintain stability, which will allow your SS to grow to adulthood without tragedy. There is total confidentiality with a therapist, no possibility of anyone else finding out what you discuss, and most are listeners, not pushers, who simply help one to clarify one's thinking. So don't be afraid of being pushed to any action, or any change, it is totally up to you. But consider that young man's feelings before you make a mad dash to the 80lb. finish line.
Old habits die hard! Starting
Old habits die hard! Starting to think that you guys/gals have some good points here. I like the therapist idea, they don't seem to look down their nose on others. The last time I went to the doctors a few months back, he totally chewed me out for being there. My DH was with me and I was ill with bronchitis and had a hard time breathing for two weeks straight. We had no insurance for it had not kicked in yet since the job change so we paid 150.00 upfront. This was at the urgent care on the weekend. This doctor said "you just have some virus and should see your doctor or wait it out. I can give you an antibiotic since you think you need it but I don't think you need it". He did not do an Xray, blood work, UA, an oxygen finger test, or any test other then listening to my breathing. It took 3 days before the medication started kicking butt.
Two days later since my visit, my DH went in for the same thing as I did. I asked if that doctor was on duty, receptionist said he is and I told her that I refuse to let my husband be seen by him. She was not surprised one bit but I made sure that others heard me too that were in the waiting room. I went above his head and reported him. He took almost 30 minutes of my time chewing me out for being at that clinic and that I should of waited this out since I didn't just go to a regular doctor. BTW my DH had proper tests done and he did have bronchitis as well.
Thank you everyone for helping me open my eyes here and yes it can and has spiraled out of control off and on. I like the idea of seeing a therapist bc its buried issues that are the root of the problem. Am going to keep you posted on this note.
I read a comment by you on
I read a comment by you on another thread about issues from your childhood. I think you could really benefit from someone to talk about that with in safety. I had a similar experience and I know how longlasting the effects can be.
Glad to hear you are now insured!
Starla, please control
Starla, please control yourself.
You put something that is *clearly* a mental illness out on the web, talk about how you're hurting your loved ones by doing it (the title alone speaks of that) and then talk about how much you *like* it.
Sounds really, really selfish to me.
The fact that you and your DH have "rationalized" this into being "not a big deal" is terribly worrisome. Your body is killing itself.
Think about Karen Carpenter. She stopped...but not soon enough. This still kills, even after you change your mind.
And I would argue that you are NOT in control. You *say* you like having control over your body, but the truth is that you have no control over it at all. Hell, WATER gives you diarrhea.
You're hurting yourself. You're hurting your loved ones. OCC may be harsh and not "warm and fuzzy," but he's speaking the God's honest truth.
hmm thanks but there is more.
hmm thanks but there is more. I meant my naughty message to reply back to another and not said for dtzyblnd. I feel bad on that note. I wigged due to a reply on the same topic with another from a regular here. It is not cool that he has all the answers on topics that he is truly dumb about. Its angering bc I have seen him give wise advice and wish that he would stick to what he does have a clue on.