I'm not the person I used to be either. DH would definitely say I have grown into a hardened woman as compared to the sweet doormat who tried for years to ignore abuse. I used to let his passive aggressive BS slide down my back, pretending he would stop. And of course, when SD saw this she thought she also had permission to treat me like crap. I found the only way to stop PA behavior is to call it out immediately. No, I am not the person I used to be - I'm better. I now believe I deserve the same respect as anyone else. And that feels good. This has been an influence on the new friends I've made in the last two years since disengaging from SD and not allowing disrespectful behavior from DH. I am still kind and sweet but have learned to end relationships with toxic people as soon as possible.

I've also learned not to be a doormat, and to be quite honest, I've learned to stop caring. After all the bs w/SD (29), I've decided to focus on me, and building the life that I want.

I think we've become jaded because we've been hurt. I think it's important to identify that and move beyond it. If you allow yourself to continue to be a victim, and remain in that negative place, the steps have won at making you just as miserable as they are. Take back your power!

At a recent family function, SD stared at my like I was crazy as I laughed and chatted with a family friend the entire night. I had a blast. SD is out of our house and life is good! I wanted to tell here, sorry honey. .you be can miserable by youself. I'm no longer participating. I don't see SD very often, and plan to keep it that way.

I've changed too. I don't care and refuse to take crap from my husbands bully daughter anymore.

I agree with you wishful, I have tried for so long to have the same commitment from
DH to what I have given , I no longer long or need his support anymore, I will no longer beg for support. I have disengaged from our relationship as such, tired , worn out and done with the circus.

We become secretative for our own survival as we know DH commitment is to his skids. This trust wears down over the years, haven't they heard of a woman's scorn.

Over the years you shut your mouth as you don't want to upset anyone in the blended family nightmare. Out of that a piece of your soul dies because you can never be yourself around these individuals. I have also have learnt once you speak up to DH for what it is you are then branded cold and uncaring because he has always been used to no objection from his SO, this upsets DH status quo, its like cant you just suck it up like you always have .It all changes when you speak which was in my situation. Disengaged and don't give a fcuk anymore. I'm heading off on a 5 day stint to a tropical island in two days time by myself to get in touch with the real me again, never done this before and I'm so looking forward to it ,DH, no skids and no bio kids-- so bring it on.

^^^ Exactly! As someone's tag line on here says, "not my kids, not my problem"!!

Agree totally, when it all starts to go pear shape and the pathetic skids start complaining because of the power shift, daddy starts to get it in the ear and DH's pathetic way of dealing with it- hang I can't take the blame for being a try hard and not a father maybe I've allowed this behaviour to continue, gee I never saw it or understood it, gee I thought everyone was getting on famously, who's fault is this, not mine, it couldn't be my children from another mother, I know where the problem is and it is US, use the old stepmother as the bitch that creates so much hostility.

I have been miserable lately. DH is cranky, blames it on my not wanting to retire with him up north. We can't go much more than a week without a fight these days so the last thing I want to do is give up my job - which I love - and go live far away and isolated from my friends and family.

I am beginning to think we will never recover from the SD bullshit. We fought so much over my disengaging and now he just seems miserable.

I truly just hate being with him these days. He sucks the life out of me without even trying.

I must be depressed since nothing seems to lift my spirits these days.

It's funny when you meet a man , you settle down and create a life of your own . When there are skids in the equation the life you thought you would have never is. A part of your soul and life is taken from you over the years because you end up living your husbands former life through his children, it's when we finally have had enough of been treated as second best and everything is geared around the feelings of the skids a light comes on and we say enough of this bullshit so we disengage and become somewhat happier for it. Then the husband starts to become miserable because his status quo of his wifey not rocking the boat , his emotional well being is effected as we no linger want to appease everyone so this affects DH. But hey it's ok we have been upset in the previous years but as soon as it changes the men sulk and then we are on the receiving end of more passive aggresive behavior through the DH.
So now he wants you ti drop everything, your security when really some of our DH don't give a flying fcuk about us in the past so why should we now change everything again because DH wants to move up north, I would say move yourself , years previously I would have moved the other side of the world to give us a real chance but no that wasn't going to happen, I will be to far away from my children blah blah, you wouldn't have moved for me when it truly matter and now it no longer truly matters anymore, move yourself but I'm not going anywhere, DH 's with skids get the gold medal award for fun and life suckers.

ABSOLUTELY! SO tells me I am different, He says its because I was out of work for over a year and that now that Im back at work I will be more like my old self.
WRONG, Its his horrid EX and his evil horrid spawn and yes I know its him and his lack of parenting and lack of protecting me. I still love him but am slowly losing respect for this guy who physically and emotionally treated me better than any other. He used to say that I was his Muse, He liked that I smiled almost all the time and was positive and said I was a saint My best friend also says I seem sad all the time now.
Your original post, Lady, was spot on as if I wrote it Except it is skids 18 and younger that have been doing this to me for 3 years :?

I was young, happy-go-lucky, kind, trusting, tolerant and fun loving. People in my family never got divorced, so I had no clue what I was getting into. I thought when I married DH, SD and I would be great friends because he had been divorced for 5 years before I met him. I was so naive. Now, after 33 years, I am wary. I don't like to be around SD (now 41 years old) at all. And I find myself wary around others also. If I get a whiff of dysfunctional behavior from a person, I withdraw. I am less tolerant of people now and less likely to give anyone a second chance if they've behaved badly towards me. Because I learned that some people take tolerance, kindness and a good nature as a weakness to be exploited. I'm less likely to accept people at face value anymore so there's a trust issue also.

So I would say I'm more suspicious of human motives and less likely to forgive and harder to get to know than I once was. And I am less likely to be the people pleaser that I once was. I have never met a worse bunch of people as BM, BM's second husband, MIL and poorly-parented miniwife SD41. And it has been hard to respect DH because he caved in and kowtowed to these awful people so often and for so long and a lot of time it was at my and our bios expense. DH drug his baggage into our marriage and I feel like I've played third fiddle to all of them the whole time. I still resent it. Detaching has helped however, I highly recommend it and wish I'd know enough to practice detachment decades ago.