Get the braces. She needs to be comfortable with her smile, it's something that will affect her for life. Take dear ol' dad to court for contempt as many times as you have to for unpaid medical expenses. That's something you could probably do without a lawyer.

My take:

1. Braces aren't always a NEED. It's funny how dentists can make it seem so and teenage girls can make it seem so. When I was about 12 the dentist said I needed braces. Many of the reasons dentists say people NEED braces are frivolous, it's in their best financial interests to SELL braces. I did not get them, my parents could not afford it, and I really didn't NEED straight teeth. I took out a few "riders", pushed some teeth into ok alignment myself by putting pressure on them for years, and I have crooked teeth that I absolutely love because it reminds me everyday about loving my imperfect self. Even the medical issues the dentists brought up are such minor things in the grand scheme of things. My parents always insisted I was beautiful just the way I was, and I am not suffering because I didn't get braces. Being comfortable with your smile isn't solely about braces.

2. As a step-parent, paying for a kid's braces are not your responsibility (and not even a parent's responsibility unless it is a SERIOUS medical NEED). If you do decide to do it, know that it is a gift, with the possibility with zero return on your financial investment. Add to that the expense of trying to get any money out of the dad. If you can afford to put the money towards it and think you can harbor no resentment regarding the outcome, then by all means go ahead. But if you think you will be resentful for having to do it - then don't, let mom pay for them herself if she wants to.

We had to get braces for SD because two teeth in the back of her mouth (you couldn't see them) were crooked. That's it. Full mouth braces costing more than $4000. DH was adamant about doing it because his teeth are crooked and his parents never got them fixed.

We went to the orthodontist and got BM to sign an agreement to pay half. Orthodontist even billed each of them (DH and BM) separately. BM made ONE payment and then claimed she never agreed to pay half. Orthodontist pulled out the signed agreement and she was pissed but that was that. Orthodontist had to take her to collections over it, but it never fell to us. BM even tried to make DH pay extra by telling him his "half" was more on the dates when it was his responsibility to take SD to the orthodontist.

What Old Dart said, absolutely! I sighed on to be step-MOM and I want to be. I pay for tons of things for my SD's that many on this site claim is not my responsibility. Every family is different. In my family they are my daughters too, and my responsibility as well. That may not be the case in yours. I think Rags refers to it as equality parenting or something like that? If you as a step are treated as an equal parent by the BIOS (as I am lucky to be for the most part)then these decisions dont seem to be to tricky. My kid needs braces and I will get them braces. When your not an equal parent, you are disregarded, you are a phantom pizza order-er (I'm killing these frequent quotes I know...sorry guys!) then you are going to feel like it is not your place, your problem. etc. There is no right or wrong answer it really depends on your family structure and your role in your SKIDS life.

When I got married I chose to accept my SD as my own. I treated her as such for 5 years of shared custody, the 6 years we had full custody and I love her even now that at 16 she decided to live with BM. I personally paid over $5000 for her braces out of my monthly paycheck - and less than a month after they came off she moved out. I felt that I was fulfilling the 'mom' role because for those 6 years BM was completely out of the picture, so I felt responsible for taking care of her needs. With BM back in the picture now I would be more inclined to spilt the cost and ask the orthodontist to bill seperately (I know that where I took my SD they provide that service). There have been times when she was extremely disrespectful to me, especially right before she moved out. BUT I look back at my teenage years and remember some disrespect on my part towards my parents. They provided for my needs with love and respect even if when I didn't completely deserve it and I am a better person now because of them. I want to be that type of parent. Someday she might look back and see what I did for her and appreciate it or she might not, but I will know in my heart that I made the effort.

We are going through the same thing here with SS14. I agree with RaeRae's post. Get the braces. Keep sending dad certified letters every month with request for reimbursement of medical bills. Get him for contempt of court if it gets to that point. Maybe try what Elizabeth suggested above and get the Ortho to bill each parent separately? Try to get dad to sign his own agreement with their office...they deal with these things all the time! Good luck.

Involve the dad up front. Have him come to the appointment with the ortho to discuss payment options if you can. That way, you can get him to commit BEFORE any bills are run up. And if you can get him to sign something with the ortho, that's even better. In our case, we get consulted on NOTHING! A few years ago, we got an email that said "your daughter is getting braces on the x date, and it's going to cost $4,500, and you're responsible for x amount." Who wouldn't be mad when you're expected to pay thousands with no warning and not even given a chance to save some of the money needed! My hubby and I finally set up a medical spending account, and now we email the ex every December and make her tell us what "extraordinary" expenses she's planning for the coming year, so we can estimate how much to put in the medical account. It also kind of holds her accountable.

We paid for ALL of SDs braces when she lived with BM and now BOTH kids live with us and BM paid half of SSs. So of the two kids that needed them we paid 3/4 of it. All well, the kids needed them. And my son needs them and will be this week and my ex cannot pay for them but I will be doing it anyway. Even though I will have two kids in my house with braces at the same time.

braces can be a need, it can be a self esteem issue, a dental issue, etc. in MY opinion, if the child needs braces and your SO needs you to help pay for them i'd do what i could if it was me. (dont guarentee how much) just tell her you'll help if you can. in the long run YOU will feel better about yourself, and one day sd WILL see all that you did for her froma "fatherly love" and one day it will bit bd's ass BIG TIME.

if my dh said his dd needed braces, you betcha i'd do what i could especially if bm's sorry ass wouldn't

I think it all depends on how badly you SD needs the braces, but I would pay for them even if her father wouldn't participate on paying the bill. Just take her to visit a Dentist Tucson and see how much it would cost before taking a decision, if the bill is too high just split the bill and force her father to participate somehow.

I have a friend going through the exact same thing, i.e., child needs braces. Their divorce contract calls for 50-50 in medicals. The Orthodontist office deals with this issue a lot and they have set up two separate accounts, dividing the total between the two accounts. She pays her portion and the other portion is in the other parent's name and ultimately their credit consequences.

We just went through this with SS14... BM said "oh by the way SS got braces and here is the bill. You owe $2540!". That was a very tough pill to swallow as there was NO mention of it at all before they were on his teeth. Not to mention for SS they were only cosmetic, not medically needed, so technically DH didn't have to pay. It would have been nice to have the notice first.

Try to involve BD. Try to get him to go to the apt if possible. And see if he would rather pay the dentist. Sometimes there is so much bad blood between the two, he might rather pay the dentist than his ex. We REFUSED to pay BM because of this - so we paid the dentist directly. It was much easier on us (even though she bad mouthed DH to the dentists office and told them that DH would be a dick about it).... and gave us some control over the situation.

As a SM (breadwinner at the moment), the bill sucked. The lack of notice sucked. And while we could have said no, it is not something I would deny my own kids, so why would we deny SS? Just because his mom's a b*tch? Its not fair to him.