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Stepdaughter sleeping arrangements at our house.

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:26pm

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My stepdaughter has a bedroom at her moms and her grandmas and shares a room with her cousin at my MIL house. At our house she shares a room with my DS. She has her own bed, half of the closet, and toy storage space. I want another baby and DH says no because we are not getting rid of his daughters bed nor are we moving for at least another 2 years. Here is the kicker, she sleeps at our house MAYBE 4 nights a month. So I can't have another baby because he thinks we need a guest bed. Idk y we can't get a stowaway bed. Idk maybe I'm being unreasonable. It's just upsetting because I can't have another baby when all I've ever wanted is to be a mom.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:28pm

I'm sorry honey, but I wouldn't want to have a baby with a man that automatically refuses to even come up with a compromise or solution to the issue and instantly says NO, because of MY DAUGHTER.

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:36pm

The room is really small. They barely have play space as is. 3 beds def won't work. There is a bunk bed

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:35pm

There's no reason a kid who's there 4 nights a month can't sleep on the couch. Giving her half the closet is ridiculous, a child who lives there full time needs more space.

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:36pm

.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:37pm

Hell, my daughter comes here all summer long and bunks on the couch and doesn't have a problem with it. For 4 nights a month, she doesn't need her own room.

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:52pm

Yes he said he wanted one more and that was it (we had our son before we got married) but he just refuses to recognize that she does not live at our house. I swear to u that she doesn't play with any of her toys when she comes over, doesn't read her book, half the clothes in her closet still have tags. It's ridiculous. DS is two btw and SD is 7. So DS sharing a room with the new baby wouldn't b a problem.

SummerMomma719's picture

Submitted by SummerMomma719 on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:54pm

My SD has a room set up at our house also. However she NEVER sleeps over. When its his weekend to have her she sleeps at his mothers house one night. And he has her every other weekend so that's only twice a month. Anyways we have a 3 bedroom house. Ours, our daughter, and my SD. When we talked about have a second baby he talked about how the 2 little ones would share a room so my SD would have her own. I totally disagree. I don't want a toddler and a new born to have to share a room. Especially seein as though there is another bedroom never being used. So frustrating

sam44's picture

Submitted by sam44 on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:57pm

HE needs her to have that space. She probably does give a damn about it because she has a home.

He needs her to have that space so that he can pretend she lives with him. That's very sad but very common.

Sounds like he has some issues with extending your family. ?

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 2:19pm

I asked him and he said hell yeah he wants another baby, we just don't have the space. Very frustrating.

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 3:04pm

.

stepmom2011's picture

Submitted by stepmom2011 on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 3:48pm

When a baby is on the way... everyone involved MAKES A WAY to accommodate the new baby. DH needing to have a permanent place for his DD may be just as much of an emotional statement as wanting to have another baby. He needs to keep her "there" in a symbolic way. He needs to see her things there! He is a father. I get it. I also get wanting to have a baby. I've have 8 miscarriages. All I've ever wanted in life is to be a wife and mother. Crate that "symbolic space" for his DD who is never there. Keep it like a shrine, even. But also make room for a crib, or bassinet. Show him there is room. Get creative. Make a "lean-to" with a sheet and put up twinkle lights over her bed... and hang a circle of "tulle" material in the corner that surrounds the bassinet. Give him a visual of what it could be like.

I have often done this with hubbs. He cannot "visualize" so I make it happen so he is more willing. But I believe that dreams can happen even in not so perfect situations.

Hope this helped. If not, feel free to ignore it! Supporting you anyways!

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 4:55pm

I couldn't imagine having even one miscarriage. Bless you. I have a Mirena and want to start trying now just in case it has done something to me to where I would miscarry at first. Anyway I've been actually cleaning out her stuff in the past hour and she said "y r u getting rid of some of my stuff, because I'm never here?" And she was totally ok with it. She understood that so maybe when the time comes she will understand what needs to b done if it comes to it.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 4:18pm

I dont see what the issue is. It could possibly take you months to conceive, another 9 to cook the baby, and then the baby could sleep in your room in a bassinet or crib for awhile. Before you know it the 2 years you were waiting to move are up!

I understand waiting until financially secure and all that, an admirable thing truly. But quite truthfully I know that I always wanted to have a baby when my heart and my body were telling me I was ready. I couldnt imagine putting that on hold based on where someone was sleeping 4 nights a month.

Larmccla's picture

Submitted by Larmccla on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 4:27pm

I couldn't imagine having even one miscarriage. Bless you. I have a Mirena and want to start trying now just in case it has done something to me to where I would miscarry at first. Anyway I've been actually cleaning out her stuff in the past hour and she said "y r u getting rid of some of my stuff, because I'm never here?" And she was totally ok with it. She understood that so maybe when the time comes she will understand what needs to b done if it comes to it.

Una's picture

Submitted by Una on Fri, 05/24/2013 - 3:41am

I am 3 months pregnant and we live in a small one bedroom flat, which OH owns. His so called daughter (she is his ex g/f's daughter whom he considers like his own) when she visits, and sleeps over, which is like twice in the last 9 months she sleeps on the couch because there is no room anywhere else. Our baby will be sleeping in our room until we can afford a bigger house.

I don't see why the baby can't sleep in your room for a while until you are ready to move in to a bigger place. I used to believe you should wait until you are financially secure, but the reality is, unless you are earning a 6figure sum you will never have enough money, and you will find a way to support the baby, we are. But depending on your age you really don't want to wait too long, because nature waits for no-one. I hope you find a solution that suits everyone Smile