How would you handle this?

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I'm a choir director. Because of my husband's crazy work schedule, from time to time, I have to take SD10 on our trips and competitions because of us not having anyone to watch her. I love her, I really and truly do, but her behavior when I take her on school functions is getting ridiculous and I need advice.

Basically, instead of doing what I ask her to do on these trips (which is stay in my sight but bring something to do--a book to read, Nintendo DS, etc), she acts like a teenager and hangs out with my students. That alone is ridiculous, in my opinion, but here is why I'm fed up. Things she has done when hanging out with my students:

1)In general acts like she's one of them. I keep telling her she is NOT a teen and needs to let the kids hang out with each other but she doesn't get it, and then she tells my husband and he gets onto me and tells me I hurt her feelings by not letting her hang out with my students.

2)On one conmpetition I forgot an important form I desperately needed and SD10 figured it out. I told her to keep her mouth shut about it, because if I couldn't find another copy of that said form, it would hurt the kids score and I didn't want to stress them out if I could find a solution first. Well, she wanted to act cool, so she went to them and told every dang one of them that I forgot that paper! It was NOT FUN explaining to my students, who I love very much, that I indeed DID lose that form. (sad thing is I found another copy and if SD10 hadn't butted in, I wouldn't have had to have the talk)

3)She'll tell my students that they can call me by my first name--um, no, they cannot. I have TOLD HER before every trip that my students are ONLY to call me by my teacher name.

So this week I'm teaching at a music camp and in the evenings she has to be with me. I TOLD HER before bringing her last night that the evening activity was watching a movie and that shew was allowed to watch the movie, too, ONLY IF she sat in the back of the room and left the seats for the campers who all paid $300 to attend this camp. I step out for 20 minutes and come back and she moved up to sit with some of my students who she had met on the competition mentioned in #2 on this list!!!!! I didn't want to embarrass her in front of the csmpers, so on the drive home, I tried to nicely tell her these exact words: "You are not a teen. You are a child. You are 10 years old. You have no business trying to hang out with teenagers." She proceeded to tell me that she thought it was okay because the students like her. I told her, "yes, they DO like you. They think you're a great kid. But they are teens, and they all paid $300 to come to this camp and hang out with their friends, and they can't do that if you play teenager and barge in." Well, she got REALLY hurt. But this is the zillionth time I've talked to her about this!!

Husband said I shouldn't make an issue of it. But am I wrong in saying she has no business trying to act like a teen and hang out with my students? I have no choice but to take her on some trips because of not having anyone to watch her, so how the heck do I handle this, especially when my husband won't back me up?

Unfortunately, it seems our

Unfortunately, it seems our other halves don't necessarily see our side of what we do. That whole walk a mile in my shoes sentiment. I obviously don't know the whole situation, but I would explain to him that this is your livelihood, and the impression that the students have of you, and your role in their lives needs to remain intact to properly teach them. I would tell him that if he doesn't speak to the child and stand up beside you in making the limitations clear, that he will be responsible for her care while you are doing what you need to for work. Whether that means he has her tag along with him, or finds a 15 year old to baby sit, so she can get her "teen" hang time in... so be it.

I have a serious issue with allowing children to make any decisions that involve our ability to provide for them. I feel like we're the ones guiding them, not being guided by them, and that the people parenting them need to put their foot down, as a team, and tell them now this is how it is. If you don't like it, tough.

This is something you need to

This is something you need to have your husband handle. its his kid, she is not listning to you, and she is asking you look bad to your job.your DH needs to undrstand that is a big problem. When i first started living with DH (BF at the time) I would have to take her to famaily functionswhe DH had to work. She loved going and but wouldt listen. It was the first time she ever really saw me show e teeth (Hypthetically) on the way home from a function i loked her dea in the eye and calmly but very firmly said, if you EVER disrespect me or not listen to me in front of my fmailyor friends again you will not be coming back here. And thats a promise. I never had a problem since. but DH actully stood by me and how i handled it. it may not fly with some parents on this site, but it worked for me. Good luck.

I would have a serious talk

I would have a serious talk with DH first and state the facts

1. These are teens BOYS and girls.

2. It is not appropriate for her to be hanging around 17 or 18 year old BOYS!

3. There is a reason school segregates students based on age. It is not appropriate and could be dangerous for SD AND YOU AS A TEACHER IF SOMETHING HAPPENED YOU COULD LOSE YOUR JOB!

Period. That's it.

It is your job on the line. And SD safety.

PERIOD.

Oh dear! Confession

Oh dear! Confession time...
My twin uncles are only 9 yrs older than me. So when I was growing up they let me hang around with them a lot. I am sure I was a royal pest but I adored them and loved their friends.

And maybe this is how your SD feels. She knows these teens (who are only a few years older than her) and she HAS to go along and is probably quite a chatty little thing. So asking her to sit there and not say a word to people she has got to know is very difficult. Not to mention the 'coolness' aspect of some nice girls and cute boys even TALKING to her! Wow! AND finding her fun! Double wow!

You told her she had to sit at the back of the room while a DVD is playing. Meanwhile her 'friends' are sitting down the front. Who would want to sit at the back of the room like a disobedient child? I wouldn't!

Point out to DH that your job is jeopardy and his daughter needs to be with kids her own age. A 10 yr old hanging out with teens could expose her to language and behaviour she should not be seeing. And find somewhere else for her to be so she is with appropriately aged kids doing things she enjoys. And if DH finds this impossible then he should take HIS daughter to work with him for a while so you can concentrate on YOUR job.

As a parent I would be quite annoyed if I paid $300 for a camp and the teacher brought along her 'kid' because she couldn't get a sitter. That would tell me the teacher really isn't so prepared as I would want. Which means she may not be such a great teacher if she can't find someone to take care of her 'daughter' and focus on teaching.

Yep, I agree with everyone

Yep, I agree with everyone else.

It's your JOB and he needs to start respecting that.

If he won't MAKE his kid behave and respect your requests then he needs to find someone else to watch her.

Your husband needs to find

Your husband needs to find something else to do with SD when his work schedule conflicts with yours. It's clearly no working as is. She doesn't respect your authority, and she is interfering with your work. What happens when one of your students goes home and complains to mom and dad about the kid hanging around for free, imposing on their time?

Obviously, the best thing

Obviously, the best thing would be for her not to attend at all, but I think if that was an option, you would have taken it already. I would suggest thinking about bringing along another AGE APPROPRIATE friend. Sitting alone isn't fun for anyone. It's only natural that a kid would seek out company (especially the cooler older kids)! But, kids (Skids included) shouldn't be allowed to pick and choose what rules they want to obey. Regardless of how "mean" she thinks your rules are, she should have to obey them - and in a perfect world, your DH would back you up. It sounds like your SD is a "daddy's little girl", so focus on the older BOYS and your DH may be more willing to back you up.

Perosnally, I would refuse to

Perosnally, I would refuse to take her and let them both sweat it out a time or two. He obviously doesn't appreciate what you are doing if he doesn't even back up your rules. His kid, let him figure it out.

You are working and those other kids are supposed to be learning....not appropriate to be bringing kids along. I could maybe see that being the solution once in a emergency....but this seems to be a regular thing. As a parent I would be quite displeased that the teacher supposed to be teaching my child was dealing with her own kid instead.

^^^Agreed 100%

I've been on both sides of

I've been on both sides of this - a parent needing a place for an older child, and an employer with an employee who used us a free daycare. It's difficult.

I work retail, and there were times when my 11/12yo had nowhere to be when I was working late, so I would bring her with me. The ground-rules were strict, from my perspective - it was NOT playtime, it was not time to harass Mom or the customers. She could do homework, she could read, or she could help. Many a night, she helped price product, stock shelves, prepare samples, straighten, bag for the cashiers. She "graduated" to helping customers find things.

A while down the road, we had a new employee (actually our asst mgr) who would routinely bring her two daughters with her. And that was a different ballgame. Because for them? It WAS playtime. I didn't feel comfortable saying anything, as I was doing the same (bringing the kid) and she was my direct supervisor. So I stopped bringing my kid, just because I didn't want anyone to think there was a double standard. It was a shame, because she really was a big help (and no, that's not just a Mom talking). Still, when she got a little older and we needed casual labor for when we moved to a different location, etc.? They asked for her to come in. And the experience has served her well since.

Moral of the story? If there's nothing you can put her to work doing, or she won't do it? She needs to be elsewhere. If she CAN help you and is willing to do so? It can be a great experience for her. Note - my kiddo (obviously) couldn't be paid for the work she did with us early on. So *I* paid her. Either via a special outing, some cash to go shopping with... something. I.e. Incentive to work hard and do a good job. Something to consider.

I've been on both sides of

I've been on both sides of this - a parent needing a place for an older child, and an employer with an employee who used us a free daycare. It's difficult.

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How would you handle this?