Feeling guilty for not wanting SS12 to go away with us....what would you do - PART II
So our weekend plans for going away with just adults has been changed because bio mom made plans to go away on a weekend she has the kids and now it's our problem because she can't find suitable child care.
I was told in front of SS12 that he's going camping with us. When I told him I wanted it to be just adults for the weekend and I needed a break from the drama of the SD16 and the SS12 he got made at me and told me I was making him feel guilty for having his son come over. That was never my intention. We had a really bad vacation last week because of his 16YO daughter and he opening admits it was her fault. But I just wanted a weekend away without hearing."hey dad, can we play cards, hey dad can I watch TV until 2AM, hey dad can we go for a bike ride, hey dad when's dinner, hey dad can it do this or that." I wanted a quiet peaceful time and apparently I'm wrong for wanting just 2 days space.
It's not that I don't like SS12, we had him last night, and when he called me and asked to make his favorite dinner I did and then I took him out for ice cream after. I do a lot for the kids,and I never ask for anything like this. I just needed a break.
DH has offered to take the camper to the campgrouund for me and then leave, it's my BS22 birthday and I really wanted an adult weekend for my son to have fun. I know that if he does this it will ruin my relationship with his son and I don't want that either so I don't even consider that as an option.
So here's my question: Do we all go or should I cancel the trip?
You have your DH man up and
You have your DH man up and tell BM he can't take the kid that weekend.
Advise him you do not appreciate making plans with him and him canceling. That bringing a CHILD on and ADULTS only weekend is not an option, and he has his choice at this point.
a) he can piss BM off by not taking the kid
b) he can piss YOU off by taking the kid.
It is NOT about the child. It is about which woman is the priority in his life.
>>THIS<<
>>THIS<<
If BM can't find child care,
If BM can't find child care, that's her problem!
When I told him I wanted it
When I told him I wanted it to be just adults for the weekend and I needed a break from the drama of the SD16 and the SS12 he got mad
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
First mistake....you should have just kept to telling him it is an adult only weekend period. But you put him on the defense of his kids now with the above comment.
You should have told DH this.....(in front of his son since that is when he brought it up)...sorry guys but SS can't come THIS weekend. This is an all adult weekend with adult things going on. You need to tell BM that she needs to keep SS since it is her weekend. I would not have planned an adult get away if I would have know where were going to have children."
That's a good point. I
That's a good point. I should have given him less information and maybe it would have worked. I've already given in to him to avoid the fight, but told him to not plan on me going camping with them the following weekend, as I have some "unexpected plans now." He wanted to know what was going on, I told him I was going somewhere with my mother and he'd have to take care of his kids that weekend on his own. Of course his first concern was of his 16YO daughter and who will be cooking for her. Oh well, his issue to figure out. Nothing like being treated like the cook and maid! :O
I guess your DH is the type
I guess your DH is the type that cannot say "no" to his ex. May be he does not want to confront her and avoid the drama, it is the easiest way.
But what about you? He needs to understand how important is for you to share time with him as a couple.
He is with you, has already chosen, but you need to be clear about your expectations.
Hope he understands and changes his mind