SD 11, is this normal pre teen crankiness or is she really just misbehaving?
My SD 11 comes to live with us every summer and the last few summers have been fairly peaceful but this one has been an all out screaming, punishing and crying fest for her. She won't get out of bed before 11 O clock and when we tell her to set her alarm she never does. I can't make her because I go to work at 8am. My husband is home studying for the bar exam right so he doesn't really enforce the rules with her. She doesn't shower unless she is forced and when she does, she takes a 45 minute shower. This is insanely annoying because 5 other people need the hot water too.
We tell her she needs to be in bed by 9 each night or she can't read books. She pushes it to 9:01 almost every night and then it turns into a 45 minute shrieking and crying argument. She constantly argues with me and almost always has to have the last word. She constantly picks fights with her sister then lies about it. BUT my biggest pet peeve is her CONSTANTLY dragging her feet for EVERYTHING. Even when we all go out to do something fun, I swear she moved slower the more we tell her to hurry up. She takes 20 minutes to brush her hair and almost took two hours once to get dressed.
I am constantly having to remind her to hurry and she has made us late on many occasions. I lost it yesterday when I had told her she needed to be ready for 11:30 for riding lessons and was still in her pajamas at 11:15. Again it turned into a shrieking and crying fest. It also caused a fight between my husband and I because I wanted to punish her. After the lessons she came home and was perfectly fine until I told her she needed to clean her room. Her mood went south faster than the speed of light and tried telling me her clock didn't work and that's why she couldn't finish cleaning it before her bedtime. I basically said you're full of it because the clock was just fine. Another screaming and crying argument. If I don't make the dinner she wants, she sits at the table and pouts the entire time.
Anyways, I am at my wit's end dealing with her. My husband brushes it off to normal pre teen behavior. Of course she acts like an angel for him all the time. Her mom called us several time before the summer to complain about her behavior. It seems that the only people she pulls this behavior around is her mother and I. Does anyone know what to do about this? Should I just deal with it or???
Tweens.....grrr!!!! 9 pm is
Tweens.....grrr!!!! 9 pm is an appropriate time for an 11 y/o. I have no idea what HRNYC is talking about.
Anyway, all you have to do is leave her one time. She's doing it for attention. Once you take that away what will be the pay off for her? The next time you all are going to the movies say we are walking out the door at 1pm. All those not in the car will be left. If she's not ready, leave her. I know she's too young to stay at home by herself, so maybe you can just drive around the block and wait a few minutes. Then come back and tell her you are willing to give her one more chance but next time she will sit at home alone.
I had to do that to my niece one time, now she's always ready on time. As for the attitude I think that's hormones. My niece went crazy at 11, my sister threatened to put her up for adoption! She was really moody and would cry at the drop of a dime. About a month or two before her 12th birthday she started her period
So now we have to deal with a 12 y/o PMSing...yikes!
Thanks everyone, I thought
Thanks everyone, I thought that the way she slows everyone up was a power struggle...
What do you think about this?
My stepdaughter is the same.
My stepdaughter is the same. She is 13. You must tell her 20 times to do anything. She never has what she needs. We were going to the beach and we go out to the car and she did not bring anything she needed and cried when she was yelled at. I don't know how to punish her for it since she will cry and sulk if one says anything negative or harsh to her at all. She is so ultrasensative to criticism it is impossible to tell her she is doing anything wrong.
Let her cry and sulk. She's
Let her cry and sulk. She's manipulating all of you.
She makes us all miserable.
She makes us all miserable. She and her brother are only here for 6 weeks and we only see them maybe 8 weeks a year so there is not many time.
I can tell you that, in the
I can tell you that, in the summer (or other school break)? Bedtimes were much more lax, as was the time they had to get up. Does she have anywhere she needs to go/be? If not - why is it that big a deal if she stays up (as long as she is not being loud, etc.) or sleeps in? It's summer - let her enjoy it.
The rest? Really is part an parcel of impending puberty.
My BD is exactly the same. I
My BD is exactly the same. I tell her be ready , she deliberate,y doesn't. Her BD and I are good co parents but we are having to speak every day to reinforce each others parenting! A tweenie,!!!! Don't go out the next time she is not ready. And I why are you being the enforcer?? Let Dad do it, or you will get the blame as evil SM.
By the way I googled sleep
By the way I googled sleep and apparently teens or kids in puberty ( average age for girls 10, boys 12) need ten hours a night.
Omg I must have your sd's
Omg I must have your sd's twin! Mine too is 11. Talk about attention getting behaviors from day 1 in my territory. I get the lazy, no showering or eating, evwrythings a debate or crying drama! It is annoying coming from an almost 12 year old with the mindset of a three year old at these times. She's the prized gem with her Gma, my mil, with whom can't get along with me to save her life. She spoils her then laughs off my struggles with her. DH gives in after a while, though I must say he had improved. She manipulates almost every situation to get try and get her way and if shadowing she pots on an academy award winning act. Funny because she wants to be in show biz! I struggle with her at meal times like I do with our 2 year old and always have. She had no table manners because they are never enforced. Hee mom battles with her but I don't think ours eating problem Isa the same. I don't allow junk if you don't eat. She doesn't eat a big amount when she does eat so I do consider that. Going put is order whatever you want and waste 75% of the meal. Her way of dressing is to look 18 and Gma and mom allow it. She sleeps until non, of you let her and is so lazy due to it and not eating healthy! She constantly exaggerates injuries for attention and rio get put of doing something and nothing has ever wanted a trip to the doctor yet in for years! She lies and makes up stories as she goes. Argues with you unless you agree with her. She does this with Hewett dad and mom too so it's just not with me. We moved to be in the same town and the problems haven't changed. She's going to have a hard time in real world with this attitude and feeling of entitlement. I try and try and no tactic seems to work. I'm a bit of a tough love parent when need be. I don't baby. And I don't put up with accruing like a baby. There are no repercussions for any of her behaviors as there are for my daughter which we both parent on the same level. I don't think I can make it 7 more years!
My suggestion? Stop fighting
My suggestion? Stop fighting with her.
If you are insisting that the girl be in bed by 9 (which, I agree is early for an 11 yr old on a non school night) then agree that she can read until she is tired (I.E. no electronics except for a light to read by) if she takes a shower before bed. If she can't get ready in time in the morning, take her to riding in her jammies.
It seems to me, and I don't think this can be avoided, she's trying for attention anyway she can get it. Dad's studying hard for the bar ... it's a unfamiliar environment ... different rules ... different dynamics ...