This really isn't about the paint, is it?
So, it looks like we've found a house. I'm super-crazy-nervous-excited about it because its mine (not ours) and the burden of the mortgage falls on me, legally and financially. His credit ain't worth a damn, he has bills up the wazoo and I don't want anything of his linked to my finances, in case BM thinks she should get more due to my income helping to support SO. Any who...back to the house. It will need to be painted before we move in and SO and I have been talking about paint colors for the various rooms. SD11 announced last night that she knows how she's going to do her room. Now, I've never said she had decision making rights, I've simply said her opinion would be taken into account. Given that she's chosen (I'll repeat, she's chosen) not to live with us full time, I've decided the room she'll sleep in when she's with us will also be the guest room. And I do not want to decorate it to look like a tween lives in it, because she doesn't. I need it to be more presentable than that, for my parents, family, friends. But this is causing some tension with SO and I to the point where we talk about the color of every room BUT that one. I have to think this is about more than paint colors to him, since he's been really hurt by her choice to move out of state with BM. So how do I get him to realize I'm not decorating the room with half orange and half blue walls all the way around? Am I wrong in wanting to decorate it a little more adult?
If she was choosing to live with us full time, I could get over the hideousness of the colors and deal with it, but I'm not making one entire room in my house (again, its mine, not ours) revolve around SD11's every other weekend visits. She'll certainly have a place in our home, but just like I had to share my childhood bedroom with out of town guests as a kid (by getting booted out of it and onto the floor of one of my brothers' rooms), I expect her to share the room that she'll use in my house.
Am I being unfair or should I continue to stand up for what I want in there?
Foxie, I approached it that
Foxie, I approached it that way at first. 'Why don't we go with light blue walls instead of the electric turquoise she wants and pull the orange in other ways...pillows, bedding, etc.' Thinking it would be easy to swap those out when we had visitors (I would have diff sheets and pillows for visitors anyway, so no biggie, right? But that approach was totally shot down. 'I want her to feel like it's home, I want her to have a place she can feel comfortable in.' And I'm not disagreeing with any of that, I firmly believe this kid needs a place she knows as home because BM is a train wreck and is moving in to her boyfriend's father's basement...two adults, three kids, and a dog in a basement. Oye. But I don't want to totally tie up a space that she'll only use for less than one third of the year!
I'm trying to see this one from the other side to see if I'm being unreasonable on wanting a compromise...but just can't see that I am.
When I lived at home full
When I lived at home full time with my bio parents as a tween/teen, I was never allowed to choose the paint color. I could pick out my own bedding, etc... How on earth did we get to the point of letting children decide how to paint a house? I don't think there is anything wrong with your approach. We have a room in our house that one of the SDs sleeps in provided there are no older guests. She gets trumped by my son or her older brother or any older family members visiting. When that happens, she sleeps on the top bunk in the other SD's room. This has worked out fine. She still feels at home here when she visits (95% she has the room) and I made it nice for her. But it's also nice for guests and I would never allow even a full time kid to paint a room some awful colors. (Note- my own son weighed in on his room colors as a kid but never had an issue deciding on something that worked with the flow of the house)
The same here when I lived
The same here when I lived with my parents I was never allowed to have a say in my room colors, furniture, or comforter set.
Personally I would not want a
Personally I would not want a room in my home painted blue and orange... so I can relate. Would it be possible to pick out some colors that you would be OK with and have you SD choose one she would like? That way its a color you can live with and she still feels like she has a part in decorating the room. If she picks a tween style for bedding you could always buy a set that had more of an adult look to it for when company comes.
If this were my situation,
If this were my situation, the walls would be off limits to her. Bedding and lamp, no problem. I can change that when guests are over. Walls, not gonna happen.
I am so happy I found you
I am so happy I found you guys!! I feel so much saner after hearing from all of you. Part of my reluctance to go with her colors is the work involved to un-do it eventually when blue and orange aren't the favorites (I mean come on, she's 11...her favorites change about as often as she changes her underwear!) as well as I can't ask my 70yo parents to sleep in a room like that. I'm also just not that adventurous when it comes to paint. I prefer much lighter colors that can be accented with bold accessories.
And help the newbie...what's a Disney dad? I have an idea, but sometimes need a glossary to translate posts!
I'm sure (because he's done so before) that he's made promises to her that he just assumed I'd go along with and since I'm standing up for myself and not letting her get her way, she's making his life harder. Luckily, she'll be with her mother (our summer visit ends next Sunday....WHOHOOOOOO!!!!!!) when any final decisions are made and paint is actually applied, so at least we won't have to deal with that. Now, the first visit after we move may be interesting...but such is life.
Work it the opposite
Work it the opposite direction. Sit down online with her and browse bedding and accent pieces together. Have her pick a handful with then putting little stars next to her choices. Five stars most favorite, one star ok but not favorite ect. Then tell her you'll find a paint that goes 'beautifully' with one of her choices.
When she comes back for her next visit, room will be done with which bedding/pieces she picked that you can live with and the walls a coordinating toned down shade of one of the colors that you can work with at times it's an adult room. Husband will have nothing to grump about. SD will have played a 'big' part in making her room how she wants it and you'll be able to enter the room with barfing. Foxie gave you decent and easy suggestions on making it come together on just what little you stated...I bet if you post after the bedding task is done she and others will give you more ideas on pulling it off so that SD will like it and your parents won't lay awake all night in shock
There were some good suggestions/compromises given and I think can pull this off so your whole family 'wins' and is pleased.
If this route of compromise doesn't please husband/SD, you can always paint it white and everybody can be unhappy. }:)