SD hasn't showered in five full days. SD has been at BM's for five full days. Why? "BM didn't tell me to shower," says SD. On the other hand, BM says, "she didn't need one."
I told her it's disgusting to do that, and she needed to shower. DH was offended that I said it, but it's the truth. It's a disgusting habit, and if I'm the only one who will vocalize it, so be it.
She's 10, so she's old enough to know. I'm afraid she's going to take after BM. Showering once a week, and changing her clothes just once a week. She's learning these habits from her mom, and of course, she "sees" that her mom does no wrong.
That's disgusting. BM ought to be ashamed, but she can't because she's a moron, right? Still not your problem, it's DH's . As soon as SD and DH reunite after SD's roll in BM's pig pen, he should pick her up by the sruff and make her take a shower. And if she doesn't come out clean, another one and another one and another one until she IS clean.
I agree. She hadn't brushed her hair, had a huge knot in it, but that didn't phase BM. DH even pointed it out to BM.
She did have to shower when she got here. I see things unfolding in the school setting before too long. I'd just hate to see a kid be picked on at school because she's learning bad habits at home. She has a physical disability that she can't control which is going to draw attention to it. However, this is something she can.
:sick: We had the same issue with SS refusing to wash (getting wet in the shower doesn't constitute TAKING a shower). One time he got out with his hair still dry, trying to tell us "it dried quickly" Um, no. Get back in, turn on the water, USE SOAP AND SHAMPOO! (Look up Bill Cosby on YouTube "Brain Damaged Children" This, I believe, is my SS.) He also refused to use deodorant. "Did you put on deodorant?" "No, why?" "Because you have to do it every day." "No one told me." (me *facepalm*) "You have to wear deodorant every day that ends with a Y." He actually had to think about it! :? Thankfully, SD showers, washes her hair, and because she has just started using deodorant has forgotten once since she's been living with us (middle of May).
I think she may be like to SS. She has to be reminded to do every.little.thing. She can't "remember" to put toothpaste on the tooth brush. She's been tested; it's more of an issue of "want to" vs. "have to".
Hi..I don;t know how old your SD is , but we've had the same problem w teen SD--yes a girl! it;s disgusting and she would start smelling up the place-and all of her clothes etc. i was never like this as a young girl-I wanted to smell pretty at that age. She needs prompting to brush teeth, shower, wash hands etc. She rolls around in the same clothes for days --like a homeless person, she;s slept three nights in a row in the same clothes she;s been wearing all day long!! and has been doing this for a while. I told my SD that I am not putting up with this the next time she comes-bc it is disgusting and we all have to live with it. Oh , and after we got back from a short trip..I had to 'weed' through a stinky pile of clothes and at the bottom I found her deodorant which she hadn;t used in 5 days at that point!! and smelled it There's no reason for this and I have no idea what is going on in her BM's house , but it cannot be good
I think that's what she will be like as a teen, unfortunately. She just doesn't care. I think she should, DH thinks she should, but because BM says it doesn't matter, well then, nothing DH or I say matters on the subject.
Yikes!! I would try talking to Sdaughter and explaining why showering is needed. Maybe take her to pickout bath bubbles or soaps she likes and make it fun so she will want to shower and do it when she is with Bmom. Bath toys ect. Let her keep them at Bmom's house too, so she has them there if she wants. If she is older than 10, then I would focus on talking about the issues of smelling and being a young lady. In that older case, then you could still let her pick out smells for soap and shampoo she likes with a budget given to her.
We've tried the talk. We've let her pick out her soap, offered toys. She has a bad example in BM to follow, and unfortunately, she does follow it.
I've gotten to the point that I refuse to take her anywhere until she's in clean clothes (and they have to be the right size), hair and teeth brushed, and showered within the last 24 hours. If any of these things don't happen, she doesn't go. Her mom may be ok with being out in public like that, after all, she goes out in public like that. I, however, do my best to look (and smell) presentable when I'm around others and she will have to do the same with me.
Oh god , I just joined this site.And posted up in the thread called Hi everyone, new and need advice. I just wanted to say this was a huge task for my SD to accomplish. There were sooo many fights between us, i am a very neat and tidy clean person. My girlfriends SD from 11-13 would shower maybe once a week if her mom finally saw how frustrated I was and would force her. Her room smelt something awful everyday , she had the family dog sleep in her room and on HER BED!! And the combined smells gave me panic attacks.
Anyways it got to a point we had to start giving her allowance money to shower.she would wear the same thing to school day in and out, and I was worried she would get really bullied at school. I wish I could offer some good advice, but I will say she showers maybe 3 times a week now on her own, soon as she hit highschool I guess that changed something. But even still , getting her to brush her teeth is one hell of a task now, and she is a beautiful girl. But her braces had to be taken off early because she wasnt paying attention to them.
I tried enforcing that but it ended up in fights nightly, and in the end the mother would only get frustrated with me.
Youngest SS would just squat down in the shower and play with the water going down the drain for 20 minutes or so straight. No soap, no shampoo. I pointed this out (gently of course) to GD aka Papa Grizzly. He basically told me to mind my own business. Then he would WONDER why his kids got ringworm and impetigo.
Disengage!!! If her mom
Disengage!!! If her mom doesn't think she needs to shower, nothing you can do about it until she comes for a visit!!
She's with us more, most of
She's with us more, most of the time. This was her "vacation" with BM. Evidently, you take a "vacation" from any responsibility on BM's time.
I told her it's disgusting to
I told her it's disgusting to do that, and she needed to shower. DH was offended that I said it, but it's the truth. It's a disgusting habit, and if I'm the only one who will vocalize it, so be it.
However, young girls can
However, young girls can still get yeast infections if they don't shower regularly.
She's 10, so she's old enough
She's 10, so she's old enough to know. I'm afraid she's going to take after BM. Showering once a week, and changing her clothes just once a week. She's learning these habits from her mom, and of course, she "sees" that her mom does no wrong.
That's disgusting. BM ought
That's disgusting. BM ought to be ashamed, but she can't because she's a moron, right? Still not your problem, it's DH's . As soon as SD and DH reunite after SD's roll in BM's pig pen, he should pick her up by the sruff and make her take a shower. And if she doesn't come out clean, another one and another one and another one until she IS clean.
I agree. She hadn't brushed
I agree. She hadn't brushed her hair, had a huge knot in it, but that didn't phase BM. DH even pointed it out to BM.
She did have to shower when she got here. I see things unfolding in the school setting before too long. I'd just hate to see a kid be picked on at school because she's learning bad habits at home. She has a physical disability that she can't control which is going to draw attention to it. However, this is something she can.
We had the same issue with SS
:sick: We had the same issue with SS refusing to wash (getting wet in the shower doesn't constitute TAKING a shower). One time he got out with his hair still dry, trying to tell us "it dried quickly" Um, no. Get back in, turn on the water, USE SOAP AND SHAMPOO! (Look up Bill Cosby on YouTube "Brain Damaged Children" This, I believe, is my SS.) He also refused to use deodorant. "Did you put on deodorant?" "No, why?" "Because you have to do it every day." "No one told me." (me *facepalm*) "You have to wear deodorant every day that ends with a Y." He actually had to think about it! :? Thankfully, SD showers, washes her hair, and because she has just started using deodorant has forgotten once since she's been living with us (middle of May).
I think she may be like to
I think she may be like to SS. She has to be reminded to do every.little.thing. She can't "remember" to put toothpaste on the tooth brush. She's been tested; it's more of an issue of "want to" vs. "have to".
Hi..I don;t know how old your
Hi..I don;t know how old your SD is , but we've had the same problem w teen SD--yes a girl! it;s disgusting and she would start smelling up the place-and all of her clothes etc. i was never like this as a young girl-I wanted to smell pretty at that age. She needs prompting to brush teeth, shower, wash hands etc. She rolls around in the same clothes for days --like a homeless person, she;s slept three nights in a row in the same clothes she;s been wearing all day long!! and has been doing this for a while. I told my SD that I am not putting up with this the next time she comes-bc it is disgusting and we all have to live with it. Oh , and after we got back from a short trip..I had to 'weed' through a stinky pile of clothes and at the bottom I found her deodorant which she hadn;t used in 5 days at that point!! and smelled it There's no reason for this and I have no idea what is going on in her BM's house , but it cannot be good
I think that's what she will
I think that's what she will be like as a teen, unfortunately. She just doesn't care. I think she should, DH thinks she should, but because BM says it doesn't matter, well then, nothing DH or I say matters on the subject.
Yikes!! I would try talking
Yikes!! I would try talking to Sdaughter and explaining why showering is needed. Maybe take her to pickout bath bubbles or soaps she likes and make it fun so she will want to shower and do it when she is with Bmom. Bath toys ect. Let her keep them at Bmom's house too, so she has them there if she wants. If she is older than 10, then I would focus on talking about the issues of smelling and being a young lady. In that older case, then you could still let her pick out smells for soap and shampoo she likes with a budget given to her.
We've tried the talk. We've
We've tried the talk. We've let her pick out her soap, offered toys. She has a bad example in BM to follow, and unfortunately, she does follow it.
I've gotten to the point that I refuse to take her anywhere until she's in clean clothes (and they have to be the right size), hair and teeth brushed, and showered within the last 24 hours. If any of these things don't happen, she doesn't go. Her mom may be ok with being out in public like that, after all, she goes out in public like that. I, however, do my best to look (and smell) presentable when I'm around others and she will have to do the same with me.
Oh god , I just joined this
Oh god , I just joined this site.And posted up in the thread called Hi everyone, new and need advice. I just wanted to say this was a huge task for my SD to accomplish. There were sooo many fights between us, i am a very neat and tidy clean person. My girlfriends SD from 11-13 would shower maybe once a week if her mom finally saw how frustrated I was and would force her. Her room smelt something awful everyday , she had the family dog sleep in her room and on HER BED!! And the combined smells gave me panic attacks.
Anyways it got to a point we had to start giving her allowance money to shower.she would wear the same thing to school day in and out, and I was worried she would get really bullied at school. I wish I could offer some good advice, but I will say she showers maybe 3 times a week now on her own, soon as she hit highschool I guess that changed something. But even still , getting her to brush her teeth is one hell of a task now, and she is a beautiful girl. But her braces had to be taken off early because she wasnt paying attention to them.
I tried enforcing that but it ended up in fights nightly, and in the end the mother would only get frustrated with me.
Youngest SS would just squat
Youngest SS would just squat down in the shower and play with the water going down the drain for 20 minutes or so straight. No soap, no shampoo. I pointed this out (gently of course) to GD aka Papa Grizzly. He basically told me to mind my own business. Then he would WONDER why his kids got ringworm and impetigo.