I have always been very supportive to H when it comes to his family. H has always been able to depend on me to be classy and mature when it came to the asshole behaviors of his eldest daughter and his sister. Like so many of us here, I've put up with hosility, major disrepect, had my things stolen and damaged including my car keyed, practically had my marriage destroyed. Even at this stage of my relationship with them which is completely disengaged, H still can depend on me to attend his family get together's knowing that regardless of how button-pushing, manipulative, infantile, and rude the behavior from them although I will now call them out on their crap, I will continue to be a class act and have never instigated or participated in the BS

I can't stand either of H's sister or his daughter, but I never refuse to attend a family get together with him and I certainly do not stand in the way of him seeing them on his own

On the flip side of this, I have a sister I'm extremely close to. We have always been good good friends besides being sisters when we first moved out of home we moved in together. Later when we moved into our own places with SO's we still continued to get together weekly. Usually Friday nights I was at my sisters or her at my place, along with our friends etc.. always a bit of a party and such a great way to start the weekends.

When H and I first met and he then had his DD's EOW (prior to his eldest moving in with us full-time) I started to go to my sister's alone. It was his weekend with his kids and I thought they would enjoy not having me hog their time with their dad and I still got to enjoy the Friday night get together at my sisters.

Dh was not supportive. Lectured me about how his ex-girlfriend used to take off on a Friday night too like it was some sort of punishment for him to have his daughters etc... etc...what kind of message was I sending his kids yada yada yada. The real reason I always suspected and soon turned out to be admitted was H was just afraid someone at the 'party' might hit on me. He didn't even like me to be around my own family without him being there. So, after arguments and hassle I gave in (yes how stupid) and remained at home with dh and his daughters on their weekends with us, then dh and I would do the Friday night thing with my family on our weekends without his kids.

Eventually his eldest daughter moved in with us fulltime and refused to have anything to do with being at my family's at any time. If dh wanted to attend with me she would throw a fit as well. Again I tried going to see my family on my own and again dh had issues with that too. Grrrrrr!!! H finally made the call to come to my family get together's from time to time

Finally H's eldest daughter after throwing her biggest temper tantrum yet moved back in with bm over two years later. Thankfully H and I resumed the regular visits at my sister's. But a few years ago my sister met someone new (she has been divorced for a while and a SM herself) and her new H and my H can't stand each other.

Unlike all the times I go to H's family get together's I don't cause problems, don't get in confrontations, and I don't put demands on how long we can stay. H reluctantly goes to my family get together's, nags at me on the way there we have X amount of time, then as soon as the clock hits that time he starts with his "Disillusioned, let's GO" H will nag and get angry. My brother-in-law finally got fed up and told dh off....my bil knows it bothers my sister that we can't enjoy time together. H and my bil got into a confrontation. H has refused to go there since. My sister has invited me and H throws a fit about going, and a fit if I want to go alone.

Then this morning H has the audacity to suggest we take a drive to his eldest daughter's this weekend so he can see his grandson. I say fine, but next Friday are you coming with me to my sister's? H freaks out he is not going etc.. etc... so I say fine, have a great time at eldest daughter's place this weekend. H freaks out on me. How dare I. I'm preventing him from seeing his grandson, etc.. etc...

I calmly reminded him he is a big boy and can go see his gs and dd anytime he feels like it. But until he gives me the same support towards my family that I give him, I'm not going with him to see his.

I am so sick of these selfish H's who think their family is so much more important than and comes over our own!! I felt like saying you don't and have never had half the relationship with your daughter that I have with my sister! I've spent all my years with him supporting him and helping him to improve his poor relationship with his family, and he has done nothing by trying to drive a wedge between my relationship with mine