Who's responsible?
To buy SD's expensive calculator for school???
FDH told me last week that he was asked to buy it and he said no, he's bought and paid for everything else and pays child support. I was proud of him for standing up for himself and I told him so, I was surprised as well and proud that he's making progress with the BM/sd16 situation. Their agreement is BM buys supplies, FDH pays for clothes, shoes, hair etc. SD16 needs a graphing calculator- BM refuses to buy it so FDH has to???? I thought we were all on the same page until I saw the text convo between FDH and SD16.
SD: " YOU need to buy my expensive calculator"
FDH: " Why me? I paid for XYZ, I gave your mom money as well"
SD: "Can you take me shopping tomorrow for the calculator?"
FDH: " I"m going to the store in the morning, I'll pick it up "
:jawdrop:
WTF?? I'm so mad he lied about it!!!! I don't give a shit about the calculator!!! It's the principle that they demand and he bows down after he pays for EVERYTHING!! He deceived me by making up this story saying he told her NO- he never told her no! He's like well what am I supposed to do? She needs it for school- Um yea, dumbass, thats why her mom refuses to buy it bc she knows you will! Call your ex and deal with it, don't put SD16 in the middle- BM puts her in the middle ALL the time.
He didn't pick up the calculator, but I'm sure he will.
I snapped, said some super mean things bc I'm sick of the lie's and the hiding shit when it comes to SD16 bc my man has NO BALL's. I hate this life- It's so conflicting. Love FDH and hate the situation. They treat him like shit and take advantage, he let's them, then acts hurt when I'm not feeling sorry for him- He allows it. I'm done
If FDH really put his foot
If FDH really put his foot down and did not buy the caculator, would BM do it? Or would SD find another way to get the caculator?
BM would! She called him last
BM would! She called him last week bitching about the $15 copay at his dentist bc he also carries insurance on SD16- he pays for EVERYTHING, he should call her and tell her it's her responsibility. She works, it's not like she can't afford it. She's just being a bitch about it to make FDH pay.
I think I'd be more pissed
I think I'd be more pissed off about him lying to me than anything. Under no circumstances is that ever okay in my marriage.
I get that he's in a tough spot .. he doesn't want SD to go without required materials for school, but he doesn't want to cave to BM either. Add in the additional stress of knowing you'll be pissed if he buys it .. and he's in a hard situation.
But he's a grown man. He needs to learn to appropriately deal with conflict .. and lying to his wife should never be an option.
That IS why I'm irate- I get
That IS why I'm irate- I get it too, SD16 DOES need her stuff for school but this is where he needs to put his foot down and get some boundaries with BM and SD16.
He said he was going to tell me that BM refused to buy it so he had too but didn't want to ruin our day..........WTF thats an excuse. I don't lie to him about anything, I expect the same- I'm just disgusted with him
agreed, and he gives more
agreed, and he gives more then $300/month
I'm frustrated- you are
I'm frustrated- you are right, he should NEVER lie to me, He says he just didn't tell me right away bc he knew I would be upset- I wouldn't be upset if he didn't lie!!!! UGH
What if DH gives the daughter
What if DH gives the daughter a choice? 'Ok, kiddo, deal is Mom buys supplies, I buy clothes. I held up my side. I know you need the calculator, BM says she isn't buying. So how are we going to work this out? 1) less clothing 2)you come and work off the calculator by doing xyz 3) you do without. '
I'll bank kid doesn't want less clothing, doesn't want to go without calculator either. That leaves either working to earn the extra cash or unsaid choice #4 which is nag and whine to BM until BM realizes Dad isn't putting out another freebie.
I would love if this could be
I would love if this could be an option, FDH would never give her a choice or make her work for it. She got her cash for clothes weeks ago, professional salon hair dye and cut 2 weeks ago and he would never ask her to work for anything, she gets things handed to her. I think they should leave SD16 out of it and FDH needs to work this out with BM- they are so immature
Since FDH has already made up
Since FDH has already made up his mind that he *is* getting this calculator for her, try to steer him to pawn shops. A lot of colleges no longer allow these graphing calculators - too many graduates were entering the workforce who only knew how to press buttons on a calculator and no idea how to actually do the work - so they can usually be picked up for about half the cost of a new one at a pawn shop. If it can wait about a week, you can often pick one up on ebay for about $15 - $20.
I know it doesn't address the issue, but at least it could soften the blow.
Good idea, I"m not trying to
Good idea, I"m not trying to be negative nancy but nothing is ever good enough for SD unless it's new and high buck, FDH will go along with it for convenience and to make SD16 happy :sick:
I think what gets me is that BM is using shit like this to have control- like I said it's not even about the stupid calculator its the principle of the whole situation that frustrates me. FDH isn't allowed to say the word NO. BM is jealous and bitter and takes every tiny opportunity to make a deal deal out of nothing- when we don't feed into it she drags SD16 into it and stirs up this big drama and calls FDH etc etc
As much as it sucks, he's
As much as it sucks, he's going to have to learn to stand his ground if it's ever going to stop. They know they get away with it and ultimately get what they want .. so why would they change what they're doing?
I know it's got to be infuriating for you
I think he knows this but
I think he knows this but he's afraid to do it bc they will make him feel like a bad dad and guilt him and accuse him of choosing his new family over his own daughter....happens every time. So he tells me what he thinks I want to hear and does what they want to try and please everybody.....doesn't work that way. We have been working on this in therapy, it's not the first time he's lied about SD16 and I'm hurt and disappointed.
Our school will rent graphing
Our school will rent graphing calculators for a small fee per semester. Perhaps your dh could offer to rent it for her-but then say-next year it's on bm to either pay for one or rent one? Or either he will volunteer to get the supplies and let bm get the clothes. But the key is he'd have to actually stick to it.