The realization (right before my oldest stepkid turned 18) that my dh's child support obligation would extend into the future, seemingly forever, was a real blow-- right when we were getting pay cuts, insurance increases etc that came with the recession. I feel like I've never really recovered, I got stuck on how unfair it felt and how powerless I felt. This feeling has extended to my stepkids. I avoid them now and resent them.
I have never seen a divorce decree that shows Child Support forever....There is a time limit on them unless your husband has agreed to pay College expenses- which is not really child support. The only other exeption I have ever heard of would be for a child with disabilities....
It is total bullshit. I got very lucky, as one SD's CS was in a state where 18 was the cutoff and the other SD eloped when she was 18, otherwise, hers could have gone until 21.
I am going through a similar issue. I have three children of my own, one entered college just this fall. SO and I have put off getting married because of the fact there would be NO way my son could get financial aid if they consider SO's income. SO has three children of his own (one college age, two in high school). I cannot, will not, ask him to contribute to MY children's college education when he needs to take care of his own children. My ex and I neither one could afford college tuition, and I hate the thought of student loans. I'm STILL drowning in my own student loans at 40. I have always thought that the non-custodial parent was not allowed to fill out the FAFSA with their info. I'm not trying to bash you, or call you a liar....I just would love to know if you are right about this, because I need help. Could you show me a link to the info? SO's oldest is 21, and still has to use her mother's tax info to get financial aid, even though she has lived away from the home since going to college when she was 18.
She always claimed her mother as the "custodial parent," since that is where she went home to on weekends, (mostly). She has rented an apartment each year close to her campus. The first year after her parents' divorce (her first year in college), her mother claimed her on her taxes. After that year, neither parent claimed her, hoping that would help with her financial aid.
I'm certainly not arguing with you about this, just really wanting information. I absolutely believe that the age of 18 makes one an adult!!! I just wasn't sure if the government did. lol. I have helped SD fill out her financial aid paperwork the past two years and she has been complaining that they will not consider her independent of her parents.
I guess I made a lot of assumptions, so I'm going to start doing some research on the website. You've given me a glimmer of hope.
Oh my, I'm hearing wedding bells in my future. lol. I thought I was going to have to wait another 11 years! I will definitely look into this tonight. Maybe, actually, tomorrow, because it's 5'oclock here, which means I popped the cork. }:) BM called today saying she was going to take SO back to court for more child support money because she couldn't afford SD16's car insurance AND SKs cell phones. Well, SO's vehicle has been broken down all summer, and we don't have the money to fix it. He's been using my car to get back and forth to work, which my car couldn't pass the state inspection because the two back tires are bald. So, actually, this means my tags are dead at this point. THEN, this afternoon, one of the back tires went flat. Now we are riding on a spare. Oh, and yeah, his vehicle is a 1998, and mine has over 200,000 miles on it. But SD16 has a 2011 car that SO PAID FOR. The courts have deemed that his children cost $400 a month (per child= $800), while my children are only worth $300 a month, each. I don't argue that (no need to) but DAMN, for the first three years, he paid child support (ALWAYS on time, set it up to come right out of his check...BM is paid CS before ANYONE else...fine with me, it needs to be that way, support the kids you help make). He also paid her mortgage up until BM got married this summer, and paid for SD21's car (which she totaled), and insurance (until she lied to him and his insurance tripled...he still paid liability until she totaled the car), mind you, NOTHING about SD21 was in the divorce papers. He helped her with rent when he could, helped her purchase text books, paid for ALL THREE SKS cell phones (which he didn't have to do), he also made BM's car payment for 15 months (agreed to in divorce papers, he fulfilled it) and pays for all of the SKs health and dental insurance, plus 70% of any medical/dental bills. He told BM about a year ago that he couldn't do the cell phones anymore, that she could use child support for that. Continued to pay for SD21s cell phone until she called me cussing about her dad, "What the f*** is his problem?" (Uh, no....brat.) Then used it to blast us all over FB. Not to mention that I have used MY children's CS money to give her for gas, only to find out she wasn't going to class at all, and used her financial aid money to take a trip to Panama Beach during Spring Break and purchase $400 worth of Victoria's Secret bathing suits. (What a hard life this poor child has.) AND has had four underage drinking tickets (three within 9 weeks) and was P***** at us because we wouldn't pay the fines and attorney fees. Sweet BM did, though, no worries. Anyhow, I'm rambling. And should have put my wine money towards a new tire, but it might have ended up being a matter of life and death before this day is over, so I'm going to breatheeee deeeeep right now. But thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me a glimmer of hope.
Mairin... I think your EX knew you were doing something underhanded. To get benefits by not stating both parents income is lying. I know many people do this, but it does not make it right. Nothing good comes from doing anything wrong.....
I think if the child has a relationship with the parent, sure. I am speaking as a mother now, and I do collect child support from my own ex for my "in college" kids. Now this is critical......they HAVE a relationship, a good one, with their father. He and I also get along. It would be very tough for me to pay for the house, college bills now on my own.
What I have seen on the other end with my dh is just grotesque. I have posted frequently so no need to rehash. These genetic offspring basically just demand whatever money they can get from their father with absolutely no relationship. In fact these monsters sent us a court motion on our wedding day! Shows how aggressive and vile they truly are.......most people would be ashamed to do such a hurtful thing. Not them, and they had the audacity to claim victim hood. And that act was discussed by our own lawyer in court, but the judge didn't care. The judge should have shook his head and told them they were emancipated and have them pay OUR court costs.
And unbelievably, we are going to have a battle to unhook a 22 year old college graduate. Who won't even speak to her father..
It's that way in our state (provided the child is in HS or College), so it really doesn't matter what I think.
However, my parents stopped giving me money after I moved out at 18. They weren't required by the government to continue sending me money until I was 21.
My question is, what about adults who have severe disabilities? My cousin (a minor) has severe autism. His parents are divorced. I know my uncle will be paying cs well past this child turns 18.
Let me guess. . . NYS, Massivetwos#%ts (MA)? I know New York State it is mandatory AT LEAST until 21 and in definitely if "disabled" which in NYS can mean anything. If you have an irregular part in your hair, you can be labeled "disabled."
I understand that many parents are still helping their kids when they are in college full time. We've currently got a 50/50 with kid. Suppose, come college time the kid gravitates towards one or the other parent's home more? I assume that if child gravitates towards Mom's more often, Mom could take Dad back to court for increased child support to feed the kid. But I also assume that if the child spent more time at Dad's, the court would probably spank him for suggesting that a decrease in child support would be acceptable. (And I'm assuming here that the child lives at home for the first couple yrs. of college.)
My kids don't get CS, they get SS death benefits (their biodad). It clearly states those benefits will CEASE when they turn 18 or graduate from high school.
BUT... interesting how when it's the "government's" money, it stops at 18 (or graduated from HS.) But when courts are ruling for child support with someone else's money, any age is fair game.
See, that never made sense to me. So basically what's being said is, MY KIDS will fly on their own just fine at 18 (with only one bioparent to help them), but my SK's won't until they're at least 21 (with TWO bioparents to help them)?
Good post. I have noticed the same thing about the government. In New York, the foster care program ages kids out at 18. However, divorced fathers have to pay child support until age 21. Seems a huge contradiction.
Yep and they're adult enough to VOTE and enlist in the military yet could still conceivably receive CS (aka matriarchy support). Of course 99% of skids who are "special snowflakes" wouldn't think of enrolling in the military; it would be beneath them (read: the military wouldn't WANT the over entitled underachievers)
I think CS to 21 is absolutely assinine. As others have point out repeatedly, legal adulthood begins at 18. My SO voluntarily agreed to pay child support until his YOUNGEST child was 21, which meant he was still paying child support for the OLDEST too - who was 24 by the time the youngest turned 21!! Is that insane or what?
The oldest child (DS) wound up getting three extra years out of dear ole dad than the younger one did. And oh yes, that "child" shunned his father at the age of 22, so SO was paying support to DS who wasn't (and still isn't) even speaking to him. He says his dad is nothing but pure evil and wants nothing to do with him ever. Except of course, the "child" support he sent his mother, and of course DS is still happy to use the health care provided by dad until he is 26, including sending the deductible bills to dear old dad. Sickening.
I once argued with my SO that this arrangement was not only ridiculous, but unfair. Because in my mind, if he paid DS until he was 24 then by all sense of fairness he should have paid DD until that age too. She got "cheated" because he stopped all payments when she turned 21. Thankfully, she is self-sufficient so it isn't an issue.
In any case, most of that money went right into BM's bank account, I'm sure.
I agree that CS until 21 is ridiculous. My father died when I was 16 and as soon as I turned 18, the social security checks ended - didn't matter at the time whether I was going to college or not. Meanwhile, my DH was paying CS for MSD until she was 21 even though she had been living out of NYS and had nothing to do with DH for years(outside of cashing checks)and was married with a child and another one on the way to boot! :jawdrop:
Bullshit
Bullshit
^^LIKE
^^LIKE
I can understand it if the
I can understand it if the person it's intended for has a very severe disability.
The realization (right before
The realization (right before my oldest stepkid turned 18) that my dh's child support obligation would extend into the future, seemingly forever, was a real blow-- right when we were getting pay cuts, insurance increases etc that came with the recession. I feel like I've never really recovered, I got stuck on how unfair it felt and how powerless I felt. This feeling has extended to my stepkids. I avoid them now and resent them.
I have never seen a divorce
I have never seen a divorce decree that shows Child Support forever....There is a time limit on them unless your husband has agreed to pay College expenses- which is not really child support. The only other exeption I have ever heard of would be for a child with disabilities....
It is total bullshit. I got
It is total bullshit. I got very lucky, as one SD's CS was in a state where 18 was the cutoff and the other SD eloped when she was 18, otherwise, hers could have gone until 21.
I think very few parents stop
I think very few parents stop helping their kids at age 18. But it should be voluntary.
Mairin, how does that work? I
Mairin, how does that work? I can't get FA for my son because they count my DHs income. Can ExH fill out the FAFSA so my BS can qualify?
Fafsa info only requires
Fafsa info only requires custodial parent info, including stepp parent , but only if they reside with child. I know.....I fill these out every year..
yeah, I work in a college and
yeah, I work in a college and have to say it would be viewed as fraudulent for the noncustodial parent to fill out the FAFSA.
I am going through a similar
I am going through a similar issue. I have three children of my own, one entered college just this fall. SO and I have put off getting married because of the fact there would be NO way my son could get financial aid if they consider SO's income. SO has three children of his own (one college age, two in high school). I cannot, will not, ask him to contribute to MY children's college education when he needs to take care of his own children. My ex and I neither one could afford college tuition, and I hate the thought of student loans. I'm STILL drowning in my own student loans at 40. I have always thought that the non-custodial parent was not allowed to fill out the FAFSA with their info. I'm not trying to bash you, or call you a liar....I just would love to know if you are right about this, because I need help. Could you show me a link to the info? SO's oldest is 21, and still has to use her mother's tax info to get financial aid, even though she has lived away from the home since going to college when she was 18.
She always claimed her mother
She always claimed her mother as the "custodial parent," since that is where she went home to on weekends, (mostly). She has rented an apartment each year close to her campus. The first year after her parents' divorce (her first year in college), her mother claimed her on her taxes. After that year, neither parent claimed her, hoping that would help with her financial aid.
I'm certainly not arguing with you about this, just really wanting information. I absolutely believe that the age of 18 makes one an adult!!! I just wasn't sure if the government did. lol. I have helped SD fill out her financial aid paperwork the past two years and she has been complaining that they will not consider her independent of her parents.
I guess I made a lot of assumptions, so I'm going to start doing some research on the website. You've given me a glimmer of hope.
Oh my, I'm hearing wedding
Oh my, I'm hearing wedding bells in my future. lol. I thought I was going to have to wait another 11 years! I will definitely look into this tonight. Maybe, actually, tomorrow, because it's 5'oclock here, which means I popped the cork. }:) BM called today saying she was going to take SO back to court for more child support money because she couldn't afford SD16's car insurance AND SKs cell phones. Well, SO's vehicle has been broken down all summer, and we don't have the money to fix it. He's been using my car to get back and forth to work, which my car couldn't pass the state inspection because the two back tires are bald. So, actually, this means my tags are dead at this point. THEN, this afternoon, one of the back tires went flat. Now we are riding on a spare. Oh, and yeah, his vehicle is a 1998, and mine has over 200,000 miles on it. But SD16 has a 2011 car that SO PAID FOR. The courts have deemed that his children cost $400 a month (per child= $800), while my children are only worth $300 a month, each. I don't argue that (no need to) but DAMN, for the first three years, he paid child support (ALWAYS on time, set it up to come right out of his check...BM is paid CS before ANYONE else...fine with me, it needs to be that way, support the kids you help make). He also paid her mortgage up until BM got married this summer, and paid for SD21's car (which she totaled), and insurance (until she lied to him and his insurance tripled...he still paid liability until she totaled the car), mind you, NOTHING about SD21 was in the divorce papers. He helped her with rent when he could, helped her purchase text books, paid for ALL THREE SKS cell phones (which he didn't have to do), he also made BM's car payment for 15 months (agreed to in divorce papers, he fulfilled it) and pays for all of the SKs health and dental insurance, plus 70% of any medical/dental bills. He told BM about a year ago that he couldn't do the cell phones anymore, that she could use child support for that. Continued to pay for SD21s cell phone until she called me cussing about her dad, "What the f*** is his problem?" (Uh, no....brat.) Then used it to blast us all over FB. Not to mention that I have used MY children's CS money to give her for gas, only to find out she wasn't going to class at all, and used her financial aid money to take a trip to Panama Beach during Spring Break and purchase $400 worth of Victoria's Secret bathing suits. (What a hard life this poor child has.) AND has had four underage drinking tickets (three within 9 weeks) and was P***** at us because we wouldn't pay the fines and attorney fees. Sweet BM did, though, no worries. Anyhow, I'm rambling. And should have put my wine money towards a new tire, but it might have ended up being a matter of life and death before this day is over, so I'm going to breatheeee deeeeep right now. But thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me a glimmer of hope.
Mairin... I think your EX
Mairin... I think your EX knew you were doing something underhanded. To get benefits by not stating both parents income is lying. I know many people do this, but it does not make it right. Nothing good comes from doing anything wrong.....
AMEN!
AMEN!
I think if the child has a
I think if the child has a relationship with the parent, sure. I am speaking as a mother now, and I do collect child support from my own ex for my "in college" kids. Now this is critical......they HAVE a relationship, a good one, with their father. He and I also get along. It would be very tough for me to pay for the house, college bills now on my own.
What I have seen on the other end with my dh is just grotesque. I have posted frequently so no need to rehash. These genetic offspring basically just demand whatever money they can get from their father with absolutely no relationship. In fact these monsters sent us a court motion on our wedding day! Shows how aggressive and vile they truly are.......most people would be ashamed to do such a hurtful thing. Not them, and they had the audacity to claim victim hood. And that act was discussed by our own lawyer in court, but the judge didn't care. The judge should have shook his head and told them they were emancipated and have them pay OUR court costs.
And unbelievably, we are going to have a battle to unhook a 22 year old college graduate. Who won't even speak to her father..
After age 18 and/or
After age 18 and/or graduation from high school, the contribution should be voluntary.
It's that way in our state
It's that way in our state (provided the child is in HS or College), so it really doesn't matter what I think.
However, my parents stopped giving me money after I moved out at 18. They weren't required by the government to continue sending me money until I was 21.
My question is, what about
My question is, what about adults who have severe disabilities? My cousin (a minor) has severe autism. His parents are divorced. I know my uncle will be paying cs well past this child turns 18.
Let me guess. . . NYS,
Let me guess. . . NYS, Massivetwos#%ts (MA)? I know New York State it is mandatory AT LEAST until 21 and in definitely if "disabled" which in NYS can mean anything. If you have an irregular part in your hair, you can be labeled "disabled."
EXACTLY. I understand that
EXACTLY.
I understand that many parents are still helping their kids when they are in college full time. We've currently got a 50/50 with kid. Suppose, come college time the kid gravitates towards one or the other parent's home more? I assume that if child gravitates towards Mom's more often, Mom could take Dad back to court for increased child support to feed the kid. But I also assume that if the child spent more time at Dad's, the court would probably spank him for suggesting that a decrease in child support would be acceptable. (And I'm assuming here that the child lives at home for the first couple yrs. of college.)
My kids don't get CS, they
My kids don't get CS, they get SS death benefits (their biodad). It clearly states those benefits will CEASE when they turn 18 or graduate from high school.
BUT... interesting how when it's the "government's" money, it stops at 18 (or graduated from HS.) But when courts are ruling for child support with someone else's money, any age is fair game.
See, that never made sense to me. So basically what's being said is, MY KIDS will fly on their own just fine at 18 (with only one bioparent to help them), but my SK's won't until they're at least 21 (with TWO bioparents to help them)?
GAH
Good post. I have noticed
Good post. I have noticed the same thing about the government. In New York, the foster care program ages kids out at 18. However, divorced fathers have to pay child support until age 21. Seems a huge contradiction.
Yep and they're adult enough
Yep and they're adult enough to VOTE and enlist in the military yet could still conceivably receive CS (aka matriarchy support). Of course 99% of skids who are "special snowflakes" wouldn't think of enrolling in the military; it would be beneath them (read: the military wouldn't WANT the over entitled underachievers)
I think CS to 21 is
I think CS to 21 is absolutely assinine. As others have point out repeatedly, legal adulthood begins at 18. My SO voluntarily agreed to pay child support until his YOUNGEST child was 21, which meant he was still paying child support for the OLDEST too - who was 24 by the time the youngest turned 21!! Is that insane or what?
The oldest child (DS) wound up getting three extra years out of dear ole dad than the younger one did. And oh yes, that "child" shunned his father at the age of 22, so SO was paying support to DS who wasn't (and still isn't) even speaking to him. He says his dad is nothing but pure evil and wants nothing to do with him ever. Except of course, the "child" support he sent his mother, and of course DS is still happy to use the health care provided by dad until he is 26, including sending the deductible bills to dear old dad. Sickening.
I once argued with my SO that this arrangement was not only ridiculous, but unfair. Because in my mind, if he paid DS until he was 24 then by all sense of fairness he should have paid DD until that age too. She got "cheated" because he stopped all payments when she turned 21. Thankfully, she is self-sufficient so it isn't an issue.
In any case, most of that money went right into BM's bank account, I'm sure.
I agree that CS until 21 is
I agree that CS until 21 is ridiculous. My father died when I was 16 and as soon as I turned 18, the social security checks ended - didn't matter at the time whether I was going to college or not. Meanwhile, my DH was paying CS for MSD until she was 21 even though she had been living out of NYS and had nothing to do with DH for years(outside of cashing checks)and was married with a child and another one on the way to boot! :jawdrop: